Cultivating Your Outgoing Personality in New Work Environments

Jessika Anspach & me (as Puck) getting ready for A Midsummer Night's Dream at PNB

Dancer's personalities come in all shapes and forms. While most dancers have some degree of an outgoing personality onstage, it doesn't always equate to the same thing offstage. As a freelancer, you are constantly thrust into new situations where you may have to step out of your comfort zone, especially when interacting with people. Many times this means that you are entering a new environment every few weeks. With new work situations come new relationships, which also means you will need to reveal your true self more quickly than you would with a full-time position. This is necessary to make a personal connection and more memorable impact. If you don't have a naturally outgoing disposition or struggle with opening up quickly, how does one make this lifestyle of eternal transition and never-ending relationship cultivation comfortable?

I've always been pretty lucky that I was practically born with a knack for interacting with people. As I have gotten older, I have honed this in to a slight degree. But for the most part, I am genuinely interested in getting to know new acquaintances and have developed skills to make a memorable impression quickly. As I've gotten older, though, I find that I tend to shy up the first few days of a new gig as I assess the circumstances that I am entering.

Performing in my work "Gated Lies" (Photo: Bill Hebert)

When I first started tightening up, it caught me off guard. Somebody would talk to me and all of a sudden I would be stumbling over my words. Or everybody would be cracking jokes in the studio and I'd be quietly sitting in the group laughing like a lady in an old-school etiquette class. When I have noticed that I am shying up, I've found that there are a few techniques I can use to let my true outgoing personality come out.

When I'm feeling particularly shy, the first thing that locks up is my voice. Either my relentless stream of words stop flowing out of my mouth (I am infamous for my ability to fill dead air) or I can't seem to raise the volume of my voice. I'm not positive of the reasoning behind this, but my assumptions fall in the range of being afraid to overstep the unique social boundaries of my new workplace through to being consumed by my assessment of the multitude of new people and situations surrounding me. What ends up happening is that I can't seem to tie one string of thoughts together from the five floating around in my head.

Essentially, what it comes down to is that I am likely experiencing sensory overload. I think this happens with many people who have issues with an unwanted stifling of their personality in new environments. In these situations, I will try to eliminate some of the noise in my head and focus on one thing at a time. Or I try to remind myself that every workplace has a particular social order. In entering that new environment, I can't walk on eggshells in fear that I may overstep my boundaries. I rarely do break workplace culture. And when I have actually done so, people are very understanding and forgiving as long as I learned quickly and was genuine in my error.

Another time when I have felt myself pulling back has been when there is another dancer in the room with a larger-than-life personality. This is the type of dancer that cracks all of the really funny jokes or who always needs to be the center of attention. When this happens, I'd rather let that person take control than duke it out for the social spotlight. In reality, I'm only successful at being funny about 10% of the time (depending on your humor) and I feel people appreciate me for many of my other qualities. So, when I find my outgoing self being stifled by one of these personalities, I tend to step into the shadows and enjoy the show or move on to a quieter place to focus on the many tasks that I probably have in my new environment. Essentially, if you find yourself in a similar situation, you need to choose whether to be a part of the act, a part of the audience, or to pass your ticket to someone else and skip out on the show.

Me stress? Never! (w/Elizel Long - Photo: Gutierrez Photography)

One of the most stressful parts of revealing your personality at a new gig can often be that you need to be on at all times. Unless you are in a hotel room by yourself, you have to be on in the studio, in the dressing room, in your host family's house, or with your roommate. It doesn't matter how outgoing you are, if you don't have some quiet time to yourself, you will likely find your personality shutting down when you least expect it. To combat this, I will take some quiet time to myself. In order to avoid situations where I am resting and somebody unintentionally interrupts my moment , I tend to find myself eating lunch, dinner, or sitting at a coffee shop all by my lonesome. When I take some me time, while I'm not in the comfort of my own home or at a regular workplace, I get a better sense of self returning back to me.

I don't always find that I lose certain aspects of being outgoing from gig to gig. But it can be stressful to watch your true self be stifled and take a back seat when there are tons of artistic personalities oozing out of each person in the room. While this isn't always true, I do find that directors tend to have a magnetic attraction to dancers who can hold the attention of an entire studio with a smile, wink, or laugh. It can be stressful entering new work environments regularly. And nobody needs the additional worry of fading into the background or appearing uninteresting or disingenuous. Making a memorable impression is important because you want to stay on employers radars for future work and opportunities. If you find yourself feeling or acting shy, stop thinking so much, show people you are generally interested in their particular environment, and take some time for yourself to rest and recharge your social battery.

The Reinforcement Gig

Arts United Center - Home of the Fort Wayne Ballet

Throughout one's freelancing career, a dancer may experience a handful of different work situations. Some may be quite professional, while others may, sadly, burgeon upon frightening. We can do our best to cater our job choices towards a more professional atmosphere. But it is more common to have a middle of the line experience. After one too many rougher gigs, it isn't uncommon for a dancer to start asking themselves why they are holding out as a freelancer. Performing mediocre work for pennies when one could be working for a company or moving on to the next stage of their post-dance career can easily derail anybody's drive. Then, it happens! You jump on a plane, crash blindly into a new company, and have an incredible experience.

I really can't complain much about my performance season this year. My schedule has generally been booked up. I have danced in New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, and a handful of venues in smaller cities. And while I really enjoyed a great many of these experiences, no single experience shot me over the moon as a whole. As I discussed awhile back, I have been thinking about moving out of freelancing and moving back to company work or attempting to get on Broadway. But then, I had the most reinforcing experience in, of all places, Fort Wayne, Indiana.

Around the same time that I got that frantic call to replace injured dancers with Company C Contemporary Ballet, I found an audition notice on Pointe Magazine's job posting page. Fort Wayne Ballet was holding auditions for their 2014 - 2015 season. In my typical search for work, I sent my information in to see if the company had any need for a guest dancer for their productions. Surprisingly, I received an immediate response to my inquiry. An old friend, David Ingram, that I met at Houston Ballet's summer program over a decade ago had taken over the position of Artistic Associate for the company. He called me up and told me that they are looking for a Principal guest art to perform the role of Romeo for their production of Romeo and Juliet. I was available and agreed to fly out a few weeks later.

At first viewing, it seemed like this would be like most of my typical gigs. I would be entering a new atmosphere, staying with a host family, and leaving after a couple of weeks. There were also a few bumps along the way. The first housing situation I was supposed to stay in had dogs, I only had one week to learn an entire full-length ballet, and communication was not always clear. I find that when you go into an experience with lower expectations, your concerns are either going to be reinforced by actions or you will be pleasantly surprised by what can actually happen. I am happy to say that my time with Fort Wayne Ballet was the latter.

I usually have most details lined up before arriving at a gig. Prior to arriving at Fort Wayne Ballet, the frantic period of time I spent salvaging the production with Company C in San Francisco and an unexpectedly bad sinus infection upon returning home to Philly kept me from lining everything up as I typically would. I actually flew to Fort Wayne without knowing the address of my host or if somebody would be picking me up at the airport. For some reason, though, I was calm about this. The moment I got off the plane and walked beyond the secure area of the airport, I saw a tall, nervous-looking blonde woman waving at me and a sweet, but shy-looking 14 year old staring at the floor behind her. I was tired and, in my mind, not at my friendliest, if not a little annoyed that I wasn't given more information about my arrival and accommodations. But my host family instantly began treating me in a way to ensure that I was as comfortable as I wanted and needed to be.

My host family's home

As we drove into the long driveway of my host family's house, I realized that I wasn't staying in a small side bedroom of a city-like home. The house was gorgeous with an arch over the driveway. My bedroom was actually a small apartment above the garage that was attached to the house. If I wanted my own space, I could have it. If I wanted to be surrounded by family, it was readily available. Delicious dinners were generously offered to me and I often took leftovers in for lunch, where lunching coworkers noses lifted into the air and eyes grew big as I started consuming the tastiness. There was a sauna in the basement to rest my weary body and plenty of fun space for some of the other dancers to come over and blow off some steam. But, most importantly, my host family gave me emotional support and a beautifully, familial atmosphere.

This was definitely one of my most stressful gigs. I started rehearsing on March 10th, had my first run-through of the ballet on March 15, had my first dress rehearsal on March 19, and performed two shows on March 21st and 22nd. Looking at that schedule, you can see that I learned the role of Romeo, one I had never performed before, in 5 days. All in all, I learned a little less than an hour of choreography in that short period of time. And while I should have been stressed like no other, my host family made me feel so at home that I was eerily calm. I don't think I could have succeeded in my effort if it weren't for their care.

Not only was my housing situation great, but the group of dancers that are a part of the company and the 10, or so, male guest artists that the company brought in for the production made me feel proud to lead the company. I have rarely felt as much of a support system leading into a production as I did here. My partner, Lucia Rogers, and I connected quickly (not that we had a choice) and developed a strong partnership within about 3 days. And all of the other dancers helped provide levity, emotional support, and information to help streamline the process of leading this production. It was quite heartwarming to see a brand-new community of dancers holding one another up and helping each other out.

The worst part of this gig was the amount of time that I had to get this production together. I sincerely wish that we had more time to delve into this adaptation of Shakespeare's play. But, surprisingly, one of the worst parts of the gig actually ended up being one of the most gratifying things. It was stressful, on my mind and body, to learn so much and perform with so little time or conditioning. But once my partner and I succeeded in completing our performances, my feelings changed greatly. A stressful situation and probable impossibility became a great accomplishment. Never in my greatest dreams did I think I was capable of what I did in such a short period of time. I left our final performance feeling so absolutely accomplished that I am still on cloud nine a week later. Beyond the execution aspect of the performance, I also found a new level of myself as an actor and artist. To share this with my partner, the company, and the audience was revelatory. All-around, I felt that this performance was a great leap for myself as an artist and I am grateful for the opportunity (though did I mention I would like more preparation the next time around ;-).

Bowing after performing as Romeo w/Fort Wayne Ballet

After contemplating leaving the freelance world for the past six months and experiencing gigs that were good but not career-altering, this opportunity is exactly what I needed to reinforce my work as a freelance artist. Getting to live with great people, dance with high-level artists in a supportive and positive atmosphere, and gaining great feelings of accomplishment gives me hope that I can find more opportunities like this that will leave me feeling wholly gratified in my work. We freelance artists must embrace these reinforcing experiences and hold on to them for the times that we feel that it is time to give up on this crazy lifestyle!

Returning to Providence

Sleeping Beauty rehearsal - Shura Baryshnikov as Carabosse & Emily Loscocco as the Lilac Fairy (Photo: A. Cemal Ekin)

Almost one year ago to the day, I was sitting on an Amtrak train writing a blog about my wonderful host family that I had spent a month living with in Providence, Rhode Island while guesting with Festival Ballet Providence. Although, I had some experience freelancing before that gig, it was my first as a full-time freelance artist. I am experiencing a bit of de ja vu since I am currently on a train heading home to Philly after saying goodbye to the same host family. Three weeks ago, I was brought back to the Ocean State to dance with FBP in their season closing production of Sleeping Beauty. It was due to the relationship that we had cultivated last year that I was asked to come back and dance with the company again.

A few weeks before I left Alaska, I contacted the director of Festival to see if he needed any guest artists for his production of Sleeping Beauty. Since the company is comprised of about 25 artists, it is not uncommon for them to hire guest artists to supplement their productions of these large scale classical ballets. At the time of contact, the company was in the theatre working on a different production and they weren't able to let me know if they needed me. I only found out that I was hired a little less than a week prior to my leaving. I had just arrived home from Anchorage when they let me know they needed me. After spending 3 months in Alaska, I only had 5 days at home before I hopped aboard a train to begin rehearsing. Sometimes, that is how work happens. I have learned to be prepared to travel at a moment's notice.

Providence is beautiful in the springtime

Although I do prefer a bit more warning, I was happy to return to Providence for many reasons. The moment that I was hired, I jokingly told the director that I wouldn't take the job if I couldn't stay with the host family I was with last year. He already knew that I would make this request and within an hour I had received a text from my host mother letting me know, "Of course you'll stay with us. I'll start cooking!" I was very happy to reconnect with the fam and to catch up on happenings of the past year.

I was also excited, surprisingly, to take class with the company again. Last year, I dreaded returning to the achingly slow classes that were founded by Agrippina Vaganova. Strict Russian-style classes are hard as can be. After training at the Kirov Academy of Ballet for a year, I was reluctant to return to that training, especially after cultivating myself into a Balanchine dancer with Pacific Northwest Ballet. What I wasn't expecting was how much strength I would gain from the technique during my time with FBP last season. This time around, I was excited to benefit from these classes. At times, I just couldn't make it through the painstakingly slow adagios that are often given. But I definitely felt that my technique got stronger over the last few weeks. I even had a mind-blowing revelation during one of the classes. Well, I didn't quite have this revelation, but the teacher explained one thing that had always irked me about Russian training. After giving a particularly hard combination, the ballet master, Cosmin Marculetiu, let the dancers in on a little secret about Vaganova training. He stated, "This combination wasn't created to make you feel good. It was made to make you fail." This statement validated all of my feelings about this style of training since I left KAB. I always felt like I was a horrible dancer in Russian classes. I didn't realize that this was exactly the point. Although, I don't prefer to feel like I am failing each day, I can now better appreciate this technique. It was developed to challenge you beyond your threshold, so that one can handle difficult choreography with ease.

One thing that I really appreciated upon my return to the company was how welcomed I felt by the dancers and staff. There has been a lot of turnover in the company since last season, so there were many new faces. Although there were new dancers, from the moment I walked into the studio I felt that people were genuinely happy to see me. There was only a rumor that I might be returning, so most of the dancers weren't expecting to see me when I arrived. I was embraced with warm smiles, hugs, and chatty catching up. Those that didn't know me quickly warmed up to me and, within a day or two, I felt almost as if I had met them the season prior. Being a freelancer, I am constantly faced with the discomfort of breaking into each company's unique bubble, which is commonly tight knit and competitive. It was nice to walk into the studio knowing that I didn't have to prove myself or awkwardly engage people until someone befriended me. I appreciate this more than one would probably think due to the fact that my work forces me to exist in a constant state outside of my comfort zone.

Taking this job was not a career boosting opportunity for me. I didn't return to Festival to be a star. The director didn't hire me to dance in place of his dancers. He already has beautiful, quality dancers who are more than qualified to dance their repertoire's leading roles. When I take work, I usually prefer to be the Prince or some other leading character. But if I am going to take a job where I am only needed to supplement corps roles, especially roles I most often performed during my apprenticeship/1st year in the corps, I would prefer for it to be in an environment that I enjoy. During the past three weeks, I was so happy to reconnect with old friends, make new friends, take quality classes, and perform with little stress in my roles. Last year, I felt like I was returning to my roots in Providence. This year, I felt like I was returning to see an old friend.

Carabosse & her crew of gargoyles

Things I've learned while freelancing thus far

I'm in a weird mood today and have really been itching to get some content out for my readers. Per my odd mood, instead of writing a regular run-of-the-mill blog, I am going to change it up and serve you with a BList, or Blog List (aren't I ingenious?). Today, I offer you a list of things I've learned while freelancing thus far. Ya know, since I still have so much more to learn and experience. Enjoy!

- Since I don't dance for any company full-time, I don't have the option of company class every morning. If I don't take class every day of the week, I am not going to get out of shape, lose all of the technique I've been working on since I was 2, or get fat.

- If I don't take class multiple times a week, I will get out of shape, find certain areas of my technique are faltering, lose strength, and possibly get fat.

- Just because you are offered to travel somewhere exotic, doesn't mean it is a great offer. For instance, I was offered to go to Hawaii to perform Nutcracker. I would fly the day before the shows and go straight from the airport to rehearsal. And I would fly out the day after the shows. Nothing like a half-day of travel into rehearsal, 6 shows, and then another half-day of travel without getting the glory of seeing this paradise.

- Sometimes it seems you are approaching an agreement with an employer. This doesn't mean you should get excited. It is not uncommon for all communication to suddenly cease and to never hear from said employer ever again.

- Getting to travel to dance around the world is exciting and really cool. Most people you interact with will think it is the most glorious thing ever. Though, sometimes you just want to sleep in your own bed, pet your cats, and spend time with your partner/lover/close friends/family/etc.

- It doesn't matter how small or under the radar most companies are, there are amazing dancers EVERYWHERE! Not just in the largest companies that receive the most press.

- Nobody should EVER be placed with a host family that doesn't have wireless internet. Just saying.

- Usually, at least half of the people that take advanced open classes probably belong in beginner open classes. Also, they have absolutely no spatial awareness. This can present a challenge when you are trying to keep in shape and challenge yourself as your own teacher.

- NEVER negotiate via skype or phone. Get it in writing (usually via email). Also, don't be afraid to make requests that you may feel are out of reach. If they are and the employer is in this negotiation in good faith, they will compromise or explain why they can't agree to certain terms.

10 degrees in Anchorage - I left coat in car to go clubbing

- Alaska isn't a scary place.  (I will be returning to dance with Alaska Dance Theatre for their Winter season this January - April).

- Leaving for a gig that is more than a month is a great reason to throw a party! Which means you get multiple going away parties a year!

-  It is alright if I take a contemporary class for my warm-up/technique class. I won't lose my ballet technique by supplementing other styles and I will expand my reach as an artist.

- Some people will ask you to do things for free. But others will compensate you like a rockstar. Show your appreciation when due. And be prepared to perform like said rockstar!

- You will have better access to footage/pictures of your career than you would ever have dancing for a unionized company.

- If you need something, you have to ask for it.

- New York is the easiest and hardest place to freelance. There are more gigs per capita, which are easily accessible, but most freelancers can't afford to live comfortably on dancing itself in Manhattan, let alone any other safe neighborhood in a different borough

- Some gigs will be horribly unprofessional. Try your best to complete your duties, but don't forget to respect and protect yourself. If you feel like conditions are unsafe, speak up. If you are not getting paid on time/correctly, make the employer very aware that this practice is not acceptable. Be sure to document all of these activities to protect yourself.

- Integrity is everything.

- The internet is your best friend. Along with Google. Go on the search engine, think of a place you want to visit, add the word ballet at the end, and unabashedly email. (I want to visit Atlanta and I love to dance. Google: Atlanta Ballet. Obviously, you will get Atlanta Ballet, but keep searching. Then, email these companies that you are available for work. Before you know it, you could be traveling to Atlanta to work).

- One of the most important tools of the trade are your freelancing friends. Not only can these friends pass work along to you if they are unavailable, but they know exactly what it is like to be a freelance dancer. Nothing beats the support and advice of a friend that has been through exactly what you may be going through.

- Most professional dancers are the same around the world. Amazingly talented and slightly insecure. No matter the front they put up, they really just want to be accepted. Also, nearly all pros really know how to have a good time.

Living with a Host Family

I hear a low rumble and there are trees flying by my sides. I hear kids screaming and I'm feeling pretty tired. Yet another engagement as a freelance dancer has come to an end. I can't help but feel nostalgic about the past 4 weeks as I glide on my way home on what is becoming a regular experience with Amtrak. The performances of Swan Lake with Festival Ballet of Providence went well. I had some memorable experiences, including about 3 minutes notice that I was dancing a featured role on opening night due to another dancer's injury. I got to see yet another dancer put an exclamation mark on a beautiful career. But the memories that I will hold dearest to me in this experience will be the ones that I shared with my host family.

Often, when I am dancing as a guest artist somewhere that isn't close to home, housing will be provided for me. There is an array of options that an employer can provide. From a hotel, to an apartment, to housing you themselves. If you will be staying for an extended period of rehearsal and performance, the most common thing to do is to place a dancer with a host family. Living with a host family requires one to be very open to new experiences and willing to adjust one's habits.

I am always a bit nervous about spending more than a couple of days with people that I have never met before. What if we don't get along? What if they have expectations of me that I can't meet? What if I need more personal space? I have found that the best thing to do before arriving for your stay is to be open about your biggest concerns with whomever is setting up your housing accommodations. For instance, I need to be positive that my host family is going to be comfortable with who I am as a person. I always request a gay-friendly household and ask that I am placed with more open-minded people. The last thing I want is to show up and find that my temporary home is not comfortable with my lifestyle. It is always slightly uncomfortable to bring up this personal information, but it is better to address it prior to arriving than to live in a bad situation for a month. I also try to make sure that my host family has wifi, as having internet access is very important to me. If you are open about what will make you most comfortable, you are more likely to have a good experience. I also try to have some direct interaction with my host family before I arrive. Before I traveled to Alaska, I skyped with my host "mother." We got to see each other and feel out our personalities. I was able to ask questions and get a quick, direct answer. If Skype isn't an option, phone, Facebook, and email are valuable tools.

So, the day has arrived and you have been traveling all day. You may be exhausted from travel and you probably want to get situated. No matter how tired I am, I always try to sit down and have an extended conversation with my hosts. They have been gracious enough to allow me to stay with them and it is good to break the ice from the start. Remember that you probably already have something in common, a passion for the arts. Ask about their relation to the organization you are dancing for, but be sure to focus on getting to know them as people, too. After we spend some time together, I try to get a acquainted with my surroundings.  If it isn't too late, I always go for a short walk around the neighborhood. I find that I can settle down faster if I have a clearer perspective of where things are. Just make sure you know how to get back home (and if it is -15 degrees outside, don't keep the code to the garage door in your phone…because it will shut down in the cold and you will have to be creative in getting back inside the house). Now that you've settled in, how do you function in your new environment?

Every person has different habits and different comforts. Try to make yourself as comfortable as possible, but be respectful that you are not in your own house. Don't walk around in your underwear. Don't go out for drinks with friends and exceed your limit. Be cautious the first couple of days and really feel out each situation. Make sure that it is clear whether you are buying your own food or if it is alright for you to scavenge the refrigerator. Also be clear if there are certain rooms that you can't enter. Try not to assume that things are a certain way. If you are unsure, it is always best to ask. Although, these things make living with a host family sound uncomfortable, in all reality, most situations turn out to be very enjoyable and you can still keep most of your habits. For instance, I am not a morning person. I don't like to talk when I have just woken up. I will have a short conversation in the morning, but not much more. As a small hint to this, if I don't have my own space to eat breakfast, drink my coffee, and go online, I will wear a hoodie with the hood up until I have sufficiently woken up. It is a gentle barrier that gives me space to be quiet and wake up. Obviously, you don't want to be rude and do this all day long, but you can find ways to feel that you have your own space.

Some host families are just providing a place for you to stay and do not require or want much interaction, while others want to accept you as one of the family. I have experienced both situations and have been comfortable with both. My most recent experience was with a wonderful and generous family in Providence, Rhode Island. They not only provided a beautiful home, but they are great 

My host family's home in Providence

people that made me feel welcome, comfortable, and like I was a part of the family. This family went above and beyond the norm to make sure that I was comfortable. Delicious home-made dinners, a ride anywhere I needed or wanted to go, support, and friendship were only a few of the luxuries that I experienced during my stay with this family. During my time in their home, they were gracious enough to share what it is like to host a dancer.

April, Lily, Jesse, Jeff, & Jacob (Lily & Jacob are Jesse's siblings)

Who are these host families that so generously open up their home and privacy to complete and total strangers? Sometimes, they are donors for the company. Sometimes their kid dances in the school. There are many reasons why a host family may take an artist in to reside with them. April and Jeff, my host "mother and father," have had a relationship with Festival Ballet of Providence (Festival) for quite a while. Their daughter, Jesse, started training in the school nearly 10 years ago. She is finishing her final year in Festival's school and will be attending the Joffrey Ballet trainee program in Chicago beginning this fall. As Jesse grew up in the organization, April became more involved with the ballet. First, volunteering to assist with shows and eventually joining the board of the company. Although, she is no longer on the board, she continues to be a great advocate for Festival. When I asked The Fam, as I call them, why they chose to host a dancer, April mentioned that one of the ballet's admins called her up to see if she knew somebody who would be willing to host a dancer. April thought "We could do that. We have an extra bedroom and are close to the studios." Jeff loves having guests at the house and wanted to be supportive of the ballet since it has been so instrumental in Jesse's development. They wanted to do what they could to help out.

The Fam had never hosted an artist before. They didn't have any major concerns about having a dancer in the house. The only minor worry was having an adult male around that they didn't know, given that Jesse is only 17 years old. After speaking with the director of Festival about me and doing some research on Facebook, they felt more than comfortable having me stay with them. Through their research, they were happy to find that we had more in common than just ballet. April also mentioned that, "All of the dancers I have met have been really great people. There is a sense of dedication and passion for something that keeps them very focused and real. I have an enormous respect for a group of people that are doing something just because they love it and have been able to ward off all other conflicting messages that this is a hard profession and just did it anyway. The dancers that I have met at Festival, I find to be very honest and very real." For these reasons, April felt very comfortable letting not a stranger, but a dancer stay in her home for a month.

April, Jeff, Jesse, and I spent a lot of time together. The meeting place of their home is a huge, self-designed kitchen. The layout makes it the perfect meeting place for the family and is a great venue for easy discussion. We enjoyed many laughs as we got to know each other and shared different experiences with one another. The time we spent together was very real and I feel that we gained a lot from each other. Jesse told me, "One thing we got from Barry staying with us is that there are many other companies outside of Festival. We have been offered a greater peak at the ballet world. I feel more educated." April also mentioned that she really enjoyed that "the common thread was the knowledge and excitement around ballet. I loved to hear about and watch performance footage that you had done.  I liked hearing about your creative process in choreography. I also appreciated hearing how you figured out how to deal with the harsh aspects of dance, like dancing in pain, expectations of companies, expectations of fellow dancers, and how you processed that and have been able to figure out how to be good with that and still be true to yourself." I gained a broader view on many things. Aside from our many passionate discussions about ballet, I gained a greater respect for family. Each family functions differently and I really respected April and Jeff's approach when it came to running their family. It was special to form a big brother bond with Jesse. I also learned that, although I am not a dog person, puppy's can be cute and I can live with one (The Fam brought a new puppy into their home two weeks into my stay).

Rosie - The Fam's new puppy

I feel we all gained a lot from this experience. Not every host family situation is as smooth as the one I just experienced. But you can drive your experience by being clear about your needs prior to arriving and being malleable to other people's ways of living once you have arrived. In the end, you can grow so much by pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and you can make lifelong friends in the process. I will close this entry with a gem of a quote that my dear Jesse left me with at the end of one of our conversations. I feel it is very inspiring for anybody that is thinking about freelancing.

"It is really nice to see dancers outside of Festival, especially because I'm going away to the Joffrey trainee program. I respect freelance dancers now and feel more comfortable and secure to leave home now that I have a bigger view of the dance world. Freelancers are brave, they could potentially be unhappy and homesick. It is nice to get to know somebody who is real and has been in the dance world outside of Festival. When I'm nervous about something, I think of my brother. Now, I feel comfortable that I can think about you when I'm nervous about going somewhere else."

Jesse & me backstage on opening night with FBP

Dancing in the last frontier

Today, I'm going to offer a little glimpse into my life. Back in June, when I first left my "big company" life, a colleague I had been dancing with mentioned that her close friends had been appointed to lead Alaska Dance Theatre in Anchorage. They asked her if she knew of any male dancers that would be available to dance in what was to be the company's first residential production. This was a big step for the organization, which is restricted by its isolated location. I was excited by this news, as this was the first time anybody had shown interest in having me freelance.

In June, ADT and I had an initial conversation where we expressed our mutual desire to work together. After months of discussion, I was offered to dance in the company's world premiere production of Othello. I spent much of my career praying that the big company I danced with would show me the world on tour. The funny thing is that it took me leaving for that to finally happen.

As quickly as I became excited for this opportunity is as quickly as my excitement turned into fear. What had I done? I just committed to 5 weeks in Alaska...in the winter! Not only was it going to be freezing cold, but it was going to be dark. And there was going to be a lot of snow. And isn't Alaska a really conservative place for a liberal dancer that lives a more alternative lifestyle. Also, what about my partner? We've been together for 6 years and we have never spent more than 2 weeks apart from each other. How could I have not taken all of these things into consideration?

As the days got closer, I became more and more nervous. I was stepping way out of my comfort zone. I was going to stay with a host family. I would be dancing in a company with a brand new artistic director in a style that I wasn't familiar with. But, being the person that I am, I always calm my fears by being very open and honest about my concerns. This can sometimes be uncomfortable, but there are some things that you must ask if they are important to you. Luckily, ADT's ballet mistress, Dubraskha Arrivillaga, was very helpful in addressing my concerns.

On January 30th, I embarked on my 15ish hour trip to the "Last Frontier." I arrived late in the evening. This was the first time that I had ever been greeted at an airport with my name on a sign. As we drove to my host family's house, I watched smoke and steam rising out of houses at a glacial pace through the bitterly cold air. It was -15 degrees. All of the roads were snow covered and the city felt a bit more suburb than city.

Welcome to Alaska Dance Theatre

I moved in with my host family and had a day to acclimate myself to the time and culture change. Living with a host family can be a great experience. I grew to feel at home with them. After a day off to adjust, a brand new group of dancers converged at the ADT studios to create art and to offer dance to a community that has never had a high-quality, fully professional residential dance company. It was a risk for all involved, but sometimes in the greatest risks come the grandest rewards.

We spent the next 5 weeks with Artistic Director, Gillmer Duran, creating his new production of Othello. We took class every day at 9:30 am and rehearsed until about 4 pm, when the school began classes for the day. One aspect of rehearsals that I really enjoyed was that the choreographic process tended to be equal part choreography being set and equal part collaboration. This production felt like it belonged to both the choreographer and dancers. After rehearsal ended for the day, company dancers were also given the opportunity to share their knowledge by teaching in the school.

Matanuska Glacier

When our work days ended, if we weren't too exhausted, we would hang out with one another. The atmosphere was quite familial and very supportive. I was even able to convince my partner to visit for a week to experience Alaska with me and to make sure that we didn't go 5 weeks without seeing each other. During the weekends, we had time to explore the wondrous beauty that Alaska has to offer. We were lucky enough to have associate artistic director, company dancer, and school coordinator, Sarah Grundwalt, to show us the ways of the biggest state in the U.S. Sarah is a native Anchoragite and she was a tour guide for her brother's Alaskan sightseeing bus company as a young adult. On any given weekend, Sarah would call me up and say, "What do you want to see today." Whether she could partake in the activity or not, she made sure that it happened. Mountains, glaciers, lakes, restaurants, snowshoeing, culture...you think of it, Sarah helped coordinate it.

All in all, the performances went very well. The local audience, which tends to have the attitude of "if it's home-grown, it's not high-quality," was pleasantly surprised. Both shows were extremely well received and very well attended. As a dancer in the production, I was very proud to have the opportunity to share my passion for dance with a maturing arts community. I would not have had this experience had I been tied down to a full-time company. One of the joys of freelancing is that you get to share your art with multiple audiences. Sometimes the audiences are small and uneducated, while at other time they can be large and experienced. In Anchorage, we were teaching a young audience that great dance can happen anywhere in the world, even in the "Last Frontier." This was the most rewarding part of the experience.

Moose in the ADT parking lot

Upon leaving, I was able to reflect on the amazing experience that freelancing brought me. I was pulled out of my comfort zone and Alaska proved me wrong. There were cold days, but there were also warmer days. It snowed a lot and it was dark at times, but Anchorage gained 5 minutes of sunlight everyday that we were there. Even in a state that can be more conservative, people can be liberal, open-minded, and appreciate the arts. I can go to work and there can be a moose in the parking lot. I watched 10 reindeer chase hundreds of people down a city street. I can go downtown and share a cocktail with a political figure, a counselor, a dogsled musher, and a woman with a half dozen roses and baby's breath woven into her hair. And I can be the artist that I am meant to be. My experience with Alaska Dance Theatre really caught me off guard and in the most positive way. I hope that one day I will have the opportunity to return.

Beluga Point, AK (photo credit: Shalem Photography)

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