Letter to My Teenage Self

I know it has been awhile since I've written a blog post. Competing at the McCallum Theatre's 18th annual Choreography Festival, preparing Allen Abrams Core-ography video (check out his preview above), developing a winter intensive in Anchorage, creating choreography for students heading to Youth America Grand Prix, and just living my life sound like a pretty good excuse to me. With that said, I'm here for you. And I'm here to continue sharing.

Following in the footsteps of a fellow ballet blogger whom I respect, Rebecca King (Check out her Tendus Under a Palm Tree blog), and a common piece in Dance Spirit, I was inspired to write a letter to my teenage self. All the way back to my early teenage years, I have always been a very focused, committed, and determined artist. It gained me a great amount of respect during my training and early professional years. But, at times, as I have become more accomplished and spread out over vastly differing cultures withing the dance world, it has come back to bite me in the ass. Read on to see the advice that I would offer myself if I could go back in time.

Audition Shot circa 2003 (Photo: Roe O'Connor)

Dear Barry,

You may not believe me today, but you are going to have a career as a ballet dancer. Yes. Many of the people that you look up to will tell you that you will have a dance career, but will deter you from focusing your energy on ballet because of your body and late focus on technique. Your determination, and, perhaps, their misguided good-intentions, will open up a drive that will allow you to take whichever path you wish to follow. You may not seem to have the right body-type for ballet, but through hard work you will cultivate a tool that will be more than acceptable in most American dance companies. Through that hard work and guidance of mentors, you will develop technique, a clean line, flexibility in your feet, and consistency. 

I know that you feel like the underdog most of the time; from being the only guy in your ballet classes, receiving summer program rejections when all the other guys are getting full-rides, and growing up in a family that is lacking the financial resources to pay for the training you need. But you will be raised and cared for by generous people outside of your family who are close to home and far across the country. These people will take you under their wing and offer you private coaching, scholarship assistance, advice, and even, sometimes, a place to sleep. They will see your drive and give you everything you need to help you achieve your dreams.

Be sure to find some time to relax and enjoy yourself with your friends. Your hard work and determination is good enough. Mistakes are a part of the process and you don't need to be perfect to be successful. Don't be afraid to joke and laugh with your friends every once in awhile, even if it is in the classroom. And don't judge others so much for their mistakes. You will learn just as much by watching your friends and peers.

Keep in mind that anxiety and stress can help you improve quickly, but can also be detrimental to your well-being. Once you start to achieve your goals, relish in that success for more than a day. Set new goals, eventually. But don't downplay your achievements by telling yourself that you haven't climbed high enough up the success ladder. Your daring determination can help you, but it can also hurt you. Find a middle ground.

At a certain point in your career, you will become your own boss before you are prepared or ready. Be kind to yourself and remember to breathe. It is alright to fight for your own worth, but make sure that your worth is in line with your fight. Sometimes, even if you have danced with a renowned company, people value experience over pedigree. Be patient, keep working hard as you do, and people will recognize your value. 

When your body starts to feel the wears of aging, be kind to yourself. Keep it ready for the future, but don't be afraid to take some time to take care of it. When you need that time, explore different roles offstage to find what you are passionate about. See yourself as a leader and advocate who shares all of the knowledge you have gained along your path. With your keenly tempered sense of determination, you may actually leave a lasting impression on this world you are so passionately drawn towards.

Warmly,
Barry

What Have I Been Up To? - AK-BK Contemporary Ballet Workshop

Hiking up Bird Ridge - Indian, AK

I know! I know! It has been three whole weeks since I have written a blog post. And for that I apologize. What I have been finding is that the older I get and the more elaborate my activities and projects become, the more intense my focus will be for the periods of time that I am working. Essentially, this is what happened since my last post at the beginning of June. I have been home for a whole three days and am finally getting situated again, even if not completely over the hump of my jet lag. So, here is an update on what I have been up to!

For the past few weeks, I had what I would consider my best experience in Alaska. Now, most of my time in the Last Frontier has been incredible. But this time around things were a bit different. First off, I got to do things on my terms. I wasn't being brought up to work for a company. I chose my housing. I created my own program. I brought my partner along for the whole ride. I even took a vacation at the end. All in all, it was a spectacular trip and I came home feeling invigorated, inspired, and ready to keep pushing forward with my Core-ography project, teaching, and the development of my art.

So, what have I been up to these past few weeks? When I left Alaska in December, I promised my students that I would return to Anchorage this summer. What I didn't foresee was that the terms expected to bring me back to this northern state would change and I would have to fulfill this vow on my own. When this became apparent to me, I sought out a way to make my own summer intensive a reality. Luckily, I found an amazing advocate for dance in the state's biggest city, Pulse Dance Company director Stephanie Wonchala, who graciously offered her studio space to hold the first (hopefully annual) AK-BK Contemporary Ballet Workshop.

Now, I have taught for many organizations. From teaching company class for Eugene Ballet to working as a guest instructor for Peridance Capezio Center, to teaching master classes at Los Angeles Ballet Academy and beyond, I have become quite comfortable with my teaching skills. But to undertake my own program was quite nerve-racking. Not only did I have to find my own studio space, I had to worry about marketing, enrollment, curriculum development, tuition payments, travel, accommodations, and legal aspects of running a program for students. I was lucky to have two helpful ladies in Alaska assisting me with a handful of these items. While I knew that this would be quite the undertaking for a one-man show, I felt responsible to follow through for these amazing teens and young adults who have limited local opportunities when it comes to training options. I always tell my students that it is not my responsibility to inspire them, but instead their responsibility to inspire me to want to push them further. And as a testament to these students and how they have inspired me in the past, I created a program just for them.

Classical Technique (Photo: Pamela Montgomery)

For two weeks from June 8 - 19th, Studio Pulse was full of intermediate and advanced level students from Anchorage, Palmer, Wasilla, Butler University, Colorado State University, and the University of Arizona. We began each day with a classical ballet technique class. Many people get confused when they hear the term contemporary ballet. I have oft been asked to teach classes in this genre, but have turned down the request because I don't fully believe in a contemporary ballet class. It is my opinion that contemporary ballet is the perfect fusion of classical ballet and contemporary dance techniques. To teach a class in contemporary ballet would endanger tainting the beautiful lines and necessary strength it takes to properly execute ballet technique. For this reason, I strongly believe in having classical technique separated from contemporary movement. So, we started each day with nearly 2-hours in ballet class.

Contemporary Technique (Photo: Pamela Montgomery)

Following morning technique, we either held pointe class, learned classical or contemporary variations, or explored improvisation techniques. After a short lunch, we spent our afternoons expanding our movement into the contemporary realm. In these classes, we worked through a progressive warm up, honed our classical work into a more stylized movement quality, and used choreographic techniques to develop a collaborative piece of choreography.

At the end of the two weeks, it was quite exciting to see the physical and emotional progress my students had made in this short period of time. In my classes, we don't only work on perfecting technique. I make sure that class is a conversation between my students and myself, where we discuss the reasoning for why things are taught a certain way and the emotional implications of tough pre-professional training. Also, I strongly believe that the studio is a place where it is perfectly acceptable (and encouraged) to fail. Without failure, we can not figure out how to succeed. My students were preparing to attend summer intensives at schools including Ballet Met, Kansas City Ballet, Ailey, Ballet Arizona, and Walnut Hill (to name a few), and my goal was to make sure that each student was wholly prepared to show themselves at their strongest for these programs.

Students of AK-BK Contemporary Ballet Workshop (minus 3 students)

If you thought running my own summer intensive wasn't enough, I also wanted to offer something to the greater freelance community of Anchorage (yes, there is a small group of freelancers in the state's capitol). A few times during my program, I taught master classes to local adult dancers. I also spent some time staging a short piece that will be performed in Pulse Dance Company's upcoming season. Working with these dancers was inspiring. My hope for these dancers is that they can be major advocates for the arts and dance in a place that needs passionate people to educate their community about why they should attend performances and give to the arts. This is not an easy task, but I feel that they are up to the challenge.

Working w/ Pulse Dance Company

Usually, at the end of gigs I've been brought in for, I head home or onto the next job. But like my time in New Orleans, I chose to tag a few more days onto my trip in Alaska. While this was my 4th extended period of time in this great state, I was astounded by the numerous activities available that I still hadn't explored.

One of the brown bears we made friends with (about 10 feet away)

Along with my partner, a friend joined us in our continued explorations of south-central Alaska. Immediately after my last rehearsal with Pulse Dance Company, I ran to Ellison Air to fly on a 6-seater plane to the Lake Clark Wilderness Reserve. As we flew past Anchorage over Cook Inlet into the wild, we saw the incredible lay-out of this glacially carved landscape. With the color of mineral-rich soil staining water bodies, red-tinted tundra, and stunningly peaked mountains, we flew for nearly an hour in our hunt for bears. Yes. BEARS! After landing in a lake and transferring to a small boat, we floated for a few hours, where we viewed brown bears swimming and eating salmon (within a few feet of our boat), bald eagles flying above our heads, and fish jumping out of the water in preparation to run up Wolverine Creek. Perhaps, the most intense part of our journey was when two of us had to briefly depart the boat to walk a short trail in deep brush to an out house. We couldn't see left or right as we pushed brush out of the way and screamed at the top of our lungs in this forestry teeming with bears. We yelled and clapped to warn any that might be sleeping beside us as we walked by that we were heading their way. Next time, I'll just go off the side of the boat.

Beautiful glacial blue of Surprise glacier

The day after our adventurous bear outing we headed to the odd town of Whittier, where you must drive through the longest multi-use one-way tunnel in the world and nearly all of its denizens live in one tall apartment building. From here, we took a 26-glacier boat tour on Phillips Cruises. This 5-hour trip had us watching whale fins slapping the water, sea otters swimming on their backs with babies on their chests, and amazingly ancient endangered glaciers of all types. While the stunning beauty of this trip will definitely remain in my mind for years to come, the obnoxious nature of the people on these boats will hopefully fade. To see so many people stuffed on a boat to view endangered nature and to see how selfishly they acted to catch a selfie was a sad reminder of why many of these places are at risk for being destroyed or lost.

After our glacier tour, we headed across the Kenai Peninsula to the stunning town of Homer. I love this place and have fond memories of my 31st birthday here. I received a surprise from our friend who had secretly convinced my partner to cancel our accommodations. Instead, she had us stay with her at the top of the hill in Homer with a glorious view. For the next two days, I essentially rested my AK-BK exhausted mind while taking in the culture of this fishing town and sitting on the couch of our house staring at the incredible view.

Panoramic of our home and view while staying in Homer, AK

Once we had completed our two days of rest in Homer, we headed back to Anchorage to catch our flight home. But Alaska wasn't done with us yet. Along the drive back, multiple moose (bucks, moms, and babies) came to the side of the highway to eat a meal and pose for our cameras. We made a stop-off at an incredible artist's wood carving outpost in the middle of nowhere. We stopped in Soldotna before heading to the miniature, historic town of Hope for dinner. After enjoying too much time talking to the wood carver's wife and stopping to determine how to remove a bird from the grill of our car (as we left Hope, it flew in front of our car...I guess it had left Hope behind), we were feeling rushed to get back to our home-stay to repack before our 1 AM flight. But incredibly, at about 9:45 pm, as the sun still shined brightly, our lateness happened to run into a rare phenomenon known as the boretide (explained here) in Cook Inlet. As I dramatically threw the car into a U-turn on the Seward Highway, my car-mates didn't understand why I had acted so erraticly. As I threw the door open and ran away from the car screaming, "GRAB YOUR CAMERAS AND RUN!!!!" they quickly realized why I was so excited. Surfers and Beluga whales alike were riding this 6-ish foot wave that dramatically sweeps through Cook Inlet as it transitions past low-tide. Alaska was clearly waving goodbye to us after an incredible 3 weeks in the state.

I never expected to visit Alaska in my lifetime. When my partner and I decided to leave Seattle, we made a bucket list for our time left in the state. One item on our list was to visit Alaska since it was so close to Seattle. Unfortunately, that didn't happen and we wrote off visiting since it wasn't an easy possibility. Little did I know that only a few short years later, I would proudly call Alaska my 2nd home. I can't wait to return to this magical state, whether it be before or during my next AK-BK Contemporary Ballet Workshop!

Cheers to a successful trip to Alaska!!!!!

Reacclimating to Home After Being Away

Excited to come home to Philly - Italian Market

On December 7th, I will return to Philadelphia after being away from home for 108 days, or about three and a half months. This has been the longest I have been away from home without at least passing through for a day or two in between gigs. The first time I spent more than a few weeks away from home, I was surprised to find that getting back into my normal patterns was much more difficult than I had expected. Spending any extended period of time in a different environment requires some adjusting to get back into the swing of things, even in the comfort of your own surroundings.

I've often found while preparing for a performance, my focus becomes very intense and I may become completely consumed by the process necessary to get ready for stage. When I worked at Pacific Northwest Ballet, this was built into the fabric of my every day life. I woke up in my own bed, worked at the same facility daily, and returned home to rest in my own apartment. When I had weekends off, I would rest, hang out with friends, and enjoy the surroundings of my city. Developing patterns over time and repetition are natural and make living your own chosen lifestyle comfortable.

Dance is my business (Photo: Brian Mengini)

While preparing for a show as a freelancer may be similar to my experience at PNB in some regards,
it can be quite different when you don't work where you reside. Essentially, a dancer is often forced to start from scratch with their lifestyle and friendships in each locale that they are hired. You generally can't call your close friends to hang out, go to that same yoga place that always helps you find your zen, find the exact same ingredients to that favorite meal you make every week, or drink at your favorite watering hole to let off some steam. Each freelancing gig can be an exciting, fresh adventure in a new city. But while you are building an alternative, short-term lifestyle elsewhere, everything still keeps running like usual back at home. Dealing with this reality can often be one of the biggest challenges for anybody that travels for extended periods of time with their work.

Back in 2012, when I first spent 5 weeks away from home with Alaska Dance Theatre, I was thrilled to return home to enjoy the familiar, see my partner and cats, and visit my friends and family. When I left home, tons of friends showed up to throw me a party to send me off on my adventure. Once in Anchorage, I became so immersed in my work that I didn't really think to shoot off a text message or make a phone call to check in with what was happening with most of those people. After my time away, I expected the exact same reception for my return upon my arrival. A few people had reached out to me on Facebook and stated how excited they were to see me. But the reality of my homecoming was more like walking onto an empty country field in the dead of night. Instead of stepping back into a scene of revelry, I came home to crickets. Most of those friends who sent me off were continuing on with their lives as they normally did. Nobody was holding their breath waiting for my plane to touch down.

Dan working from home

Beyond my local social network, another place that, surprisingly, had changed was in my home. While my partner and I had been together for over 7 years and talked on the phone nightly, he had started to develop patterns that didn't include me. Since he works from home, he had gotten used to working alone in our living space and enjoying the quiet and freedom that came with it. A simple midday question from me could lead to a stressful conversation about interrupting work-related activities. Where I used to be in a pattern of performing household chores, I had gotten more lax living in a home with a host family. I even expected extra attention. I felt like we had to make up for lost time. But things had continued on without me, even in my own home.

What I had originally thought would be an easy reintroduction, turned into a stressful period of examination and carefully executed re-entry. I spent my first week at home depressed and sitting around waiting for my phone to ring with invitations to reconnect. I quickly realized that any effort to see old friends was going to require me to be the one to reach out. One of my biggest challenges was that I had started freelancing almost immediately after moving to a new city. If I had been living in Philadelphia for a few years, it probably would have been easier to reconnect with friends. But I was still in the development period of most of my friendships in the city. I had to be very patient to connect again and found myself spending a lot of time exploring Philly on my own to occupy my time before my next travels.

Exploring Philly on my own

When it comes to reacclimating to living with somebody that you have a relationship with, I find the best route to take is to leave all expectation at the airplane door. Yes, you still have the same relationship that you used to have. But it is human nature to adapt to your surroundings quickly. For this reason, instead of stepping into your situation with expectations, I would suggest taking a step back and letting things find a refreshed order. Even though you missed each other, you don't have to feel that you have to fit five weeks of time into the first week after you've returned. Take your time, don't overwhelm one another, and allow for a little added space than you are used to. Where you may have spent every non-working moment together in the past, you have likely gotten used to spending a bit more time to yourself. See where each of you are and slowly start to get back into more common patterns.
 
Time away from your home environment allows for one to return with new and fresh excitement. But don't let expectation get in the way of a happy return. Reach out to friends while you travel and after you've come home, but don't put the pressure on yourself to have an exciting homecoming party waiting for you. Don't feel like you need to live your life exactly as you did before you left. And don't suffocate your loved ones with immediate expectations. While traveling for work and time apart can make the heart grow fonder, break mundane lifestyle patterns, and refresh your outlook on living, it can also add stress to what used to be regular patterns. If you approach your return with less expectation and more awareness, you can gain a great deal of life experience to enrich your lifestyle at home.

Me and Dan during 2 weeks inbetween gigs

Using Independent Contracting as a Trial for Full-Time Employment

Often, independent contractors work for organizations to fulfill work on their own terms. But it isn't uncommon, especially in the dance world, for these specialized self-employed workers to use independent contracting as a trial period with companies that they might consider joining as a full-time employee. Many people work for themselves because they chose to do so a long time ago. While other people who work in this way are only doing it to make ends meet or because they have had a work experience that turned them off from full-time commitments. Using independent contracting as a tool to test the waters can be a very effective way of auditioning a company to see if their work environment is a good fit for oneself.

My view on the way home from Homer, AK

I have been keeping a secret from my readers for a few months. While I haven't been freelancing or working as an independent contractor, I took a job that mimicked the lifestyle/workstyle that I have been living for the past few years. Back in August, I accepted an offer to work as Interim Artistic Director for Alaska Dance Theatre. I moved to Anchorage on a 4-month trial contract towards the end of the subarctic Summer and began working to lead this important arts organization. I never applied for the job and was quite honored when they called me up during my time at the National Choreographers Initiative back in July. It has always been a dream of mine to lead a dance organization and the potential for this to happen at the ripe age of 30 was extremely enticing. While I found this exciting, I also needed to keep a level head about the situation.

As many of you probably remember, back in 2012, one of my very first posts was about freelancing with Alaska Dance Theatre. Dancing with this newly formed company was my first foray into traveling as a freelancer. I had danced in one or two gigs prior to this, but they were always in familiar places that were close to home. This was the first time that I had been offered work in a place that was foreign to me and, to be honest, I was scared shitless. It was the first time that I would reside in a smaller city. It was also winter; which meant it was going to be cold, snowy, and dark. Lastly, everybody talked about it being an extremely conservative state where Sarah Palin reigned supreme. I was pretty sure that I was going to be gay bashed or lynched by some pioneer with a huge beard and a passion for hunting.

A few weeks before I flew to Alaska for the first time, I had a nightmare where I was driving to the rehearsal studios on a snow machine. In my dream they were located up a tall, steep, and snowy mountain. In blizzard-like conditions, we got about halfway up the mountain when it became too steep to continue on the snow machine. We had to get up and ascend the mountain by foot. Before I ever found out if we successfully reached the studios or succumbed to the frightening weather, I awoke from my dream. I was clearly dealing with some internal stress about spending five weeks in the "Last Frontier."

I dreamt the Alaska Dance Theatre studios would be here (they're not)

When I finally made it to Anchorage, I was pleasantly surprised to find that most of my nightmares were only that. Yes, it was cold and snowy. But it wasn't as cold as people would think and the snow was quite beautiful. Yes, it was dark. But every day it got lighter by 5-10 minutes. Yes, it was a small city. But it had more culture and acceptance than I ever expected. Everybody hates Sarah Palin and the people are way more community-oriented than most other cities in the United States. I had a great experience in Alaska and gained a lot of respect for the place. So much so, that I returned a year later to dance with the company for three months.

While my first experience in Alaska was quite a nice surprise, my second time around was a bit different. Most of the positive light from my previous time in the state was still there, but the organization was displaying symptoms of financial instability, cultural challenges, and green leadership. By the time the three months were complete, I was ready to get back to Philadelphia. Nonetheless, I still left with a strong affinity for a place that probably would've never been on my radar had I not been working there as an independent contractor.

This past July, I received the call from Anchorage during an ideal moment in my life for this job opportunity to become a possibility. I was recovering from an injury and was working in a role that required more leadership as a choreographer for NCI. If a perfect storm of events hadn't aligned, I would've likely moved back to Philadelphia and continued working in the same capacity as I have been for the past few years.

While I knew the organization was trying to find its path when I left, I wasn't quite sure where the organization was today. In negotiations for my contract, it was mentioned that I could take the role as Interim Artistic Director to see if I would be a good fit for the organization. While I was hired as an employee, this setup mimicked the same work agreement of an independent contractor. Instead of being locked into a situation for an extended period of time, I was given a trial period to see if the organization was a good fit for me and me a good fit for them.

Me with the pre-professional company of Alaska Dance Theatre

I have had a mixed bag of an experience trying to lead an organization that is still trying to find its' distinct path towards excellence. And while I have loved my time working with the students of Alaska Dance Theatre and educating the community, it became clear that the puzzle pieces for me to continue with the organization weren't fitting together properly to keep me on board for a long-term contract. Had I taken the original offer for a year of work, I may have been left in a situation that wouldn't have been conducive for the growth that the organization is seeking. So, at the end of my term in December, I will move back to Philadelphia and begin to build a plan for the next stage of my career.

While my current experience isn't technically that of a freelancing independent contractor, it is functioning in the same capacity. Most of my freelancing work has given me the opportunity to work with companies that could eventually become my full-time job and home. I have had a handful of enticing offers that just didn't work out logistically, financially, and living between two cities with my partner. But while working with companies as a freelancer, I have always had this thought in the back of my mind that each and every experience could be the one that pulls me out of this nomadic lifestyle.

Looking forward to what's next!

In the spirit of the holidays - Part 2 (12 of my favorite moments)

Smedley St in south Philly

For the second installation of my In the spirit of the holidays blog series, I will be sharing a collection inspired by the 12 Day of Christmas. In the spirit of this holiday, I am offering up 12 of my favorite moments while freelancing this year. I'm not really sure why there are 12 days of Christmas in the song (they never taught that in Hebrew school), but what the hell! Here we go!

Rehearsing Othello with PNB soloist Lindsi Dec

1. Dancing Cassio's solo/duet with Iago in Alaska Dance Theatre's Othello. Beyond the fact that Gillmer Duran created this piece on former OBT principal Artur Sultanov and me, he asked for a lot of personal input, making this creation a meaningful collaboration. I've been known to dive into a character, but I have rarely been given the opportunity to portray a character dealing with great internal struggle. Everytime I left the stage at the end of this solo/duet, I felt like I had walked offstage not as an image of Shakespeare's character, but as Cassio himself.

2. Having the opportunity to dance as a principal guest artist with Rochester City Ballet in Leverett's The Nutcracker. I have danced the grand pas de deux in The Nutcracker multiple times with schools as a guest artist, but never with a professional company. Throughout my career, I sat in the wings in my Spanish, Russian, Chinese, and Marzipan costumes watching other dancers who had the opportunity to perform along with live orchestra to this iconic piece of music with balconies of theatre-goers falling into the holiday spirit. This was my first time performing the grand pas while leading a company of professionals. On top of that, I got to reconnect with an old friend, Jessie Tretter, whom I had met nearly ten years ago when I was an apprentice with Houston Ballet and she was in the academy. All-around an incredible experience!

3. Being accepted into people's homes as if I was a part of their family. Two of my favorite experiences this year happened far away from home. Anchorage first, then Providence. I had many great host family experiences this year, but these two topped the cake. I was nervous to spend 5 weeks in Anchorage, let alone in a strangers house. This was my first time spending more than a week or so in somebody's space. My Alaska host's were kind, generous, and, most importantly, spatially aware. They gave me a warm home, great conversation, and plenty of space to feel like I had my privacy. My Providence host family didn't know it, but they came into my life just when I needed them. I had recently experienced a great loss and was desperately in need of support and a nurturing environment. We spent so many hours sitting around the kitchen sharing stories, debating topics, and just being familial. My host mother was an amazing chef, my host father was such a gentle spirit, and my host sister was too witty to pass up on a conversation. Her adopted big brother is proud of her progress at the Joffrey Ballet's trainee program since her graduation weeks after I left.

Driving down the streets of Anchorage

4. Moose, glaciers, and 140 inches of snow (all-time record breaking snow). Freelancing brought me many places this past year. I left PNB in part because I wanted to see more of the world while performing. I haven't made it anywhere international quite yet, but getting to dance in Alaska was like visiting another country. I think I took nearly 1,000 photos during my 5 weeks in the last great frontier. When I tell people I went to Alaska in January, most people cringe. My words…Don't knock it til you try it! I had such an amazing experience in Alaska. Yes, the sun was out for about 5 hours, but by the time I left, it was out for nearly 8 hours. Yes, it was -15 degrees the first day I arrived, but other days it was nearly 40. Beyond the dancing, Alaska was just an all-around warm experience!

5. Getting to visit NYC dozens of times. I was raised in the suburbs of Philadelphia. By the time I was 15, I was taking the train to NYC regularly to take classes. By the time I was 18, I was living and training at the School of American Ballet. Once I moved to Houston, then even further to Seattle, my love affair with New York was put on hold. After a year or two in Seattle, I started to miss NYC more than you could imagine. Not only did I miss the city and it's energy, but I missed the connections and the feeling of community in the dance scene. Now that I am living in Philly again (in the city this time), I can easily decide on Friday that I want to go into the city on Saturday, buy a cheap bus ticket, and make a spontaneous trip to my second home.

My first time at the Boston Opera House

6. Getting to see Boston Ballet and the National Ballet of Canada for the first time. I am not the kind of person to arrive in a new place and sit on my ass. If you bring me to Paris, Im gonna go see London, too. I have always wanted to see both of these companies perform live. I have seen the dancers of Boston Ballet, as I took company class there and was offered a contract to dance with Boston Ballet 2 (I took a corps contract with PNB instead). Surprisingly, I never got to see the company dance. My friend, James Whiteside (former BB principal, current ABT soloist, and JBdubs by night) was able to get me tickets to see the company perform in Don Quixote. Since I was only an hour train ride away in Providence, I was able to see the company dance. It was a very special performance for me, as Misa Kuranaga and Jeffrey Cirio danced the leads. Misa was my partner in our workshop performance at the School of American Ballet (I hadn't seen her dance live since) and Jeffrey is the brother of my friend, BB principal, and LOFD guest blogger, Lia Cirio (he was also promoted backstage to principal at the conclusion of this performance). I also got to see many friends that I have trained and danced with over the years perform. As for NBOC, the company has always had an air of mystery to me. You always hear about how amazing the company is, but most people I know have never seen these foreigners dancers. While dancing with Rochester City Ballet, Jessie was able to get free passes for us to see a dress rehearsal of Christopher Wheeldon's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. Not only have I been dying to see the company, but I have also been dying to see this production. We barely made it to the show in time, but after a 4-hour jaunt across the border we got to see this luxurious production. The company definitely lived up to its' expectations and the production was amazing. I also got to reconnect with another old friend from my time in Houston Ballet, Mcgee Maddox (currently a first soloist with the company).

7. Throwing my networking event for freelancers, Contact. I am relatively new to freelancing, only having entered this world full-time back in April. I have learned a lot quickly and grown my network just as quick. One thing I realized as I started getting in the flow of this blog was that people were starting to look up to me for my knowledge, experience, and clout. After I recognized this, I decided that I wanted to do something about it. Along with my good friend, Bennyroyce Royon, we were able to put together an extremely successful event, in two weeks no less.

Dan at Niagara Falls on our day trip from Rochester

8. Getting to bring my partner along with me to share in my new experiences. My partner, Dan, and I have been together for quite some time (it will be 7 years come January). He has been so amazingly supportive of my career since we got together. So much that he quit his job, picked up our life, and moved across the country for it. Little did we expect that moving across the country would eventually mean that I wouldn't always be working in one place. But still he has been beyond supportive the entire time. One of the best parts about me traveling so much is that I often take him along with me for some time. He came for a handful of days to Anchorage, Providence, and Rochester. So, not only do I get to see the world, but I get to bring him along for the ride, as well.

9. Dancing the La Esmeralda and Le Corsaire pas de deux in a gala. I hadn't performed a classical pas de deux onstage since 2006 when Mara Vinson (former PNB principal) and I danced the Don Quixote pas de deux in First State Ballet Theatre's Arabesque Festival gala. While dancing at PNB, my rep of leading roles mostly consisted of contemporary works. By the time I had left, I truly believed that I couldn't perform a classical pas de deux well (variations included). Well, I proved myself wrong with these performances. Now, when approached with classical work, I gladly say sure, instead of doubting myself with a demure yes.

10. Connecting with, sharing, and collaborating with amazing artists. One of the reasons I left PNB was because I felt greatly isolated from the dance world. There were great artists in the company and a few in the dance scene, but there was also a level of social climbing and social class in the small network of dancers. Beyond my event, moving to Philly and being in NYC a lot have given me great opportunities to network. The dancers are more open to wildly intriguing (sometimes bordering on nuts) possibilities. But beyond the dancers of the mid-atlantic/northeastern dance scene, those that I met at my gigs really inspired me to think in the box, out of the box, and wherever that next step is outside of that out of the box.

My very first partner, Katie Moorhead & I reconnecting at Contact

11. On the flip side from #10, reconnecting with so many old friends. Not only did I get to dance with an old friend from Houston in my travels, but I reconnected with so many more along the way. From people that I trained with to my first dance partner to teachers and people that I lived with in a dormitory, I can't even count the number of people with whom I have had the chance to reconnect. This right here has been more valuable than most of the experiences I have had in my career.

12. Creating this blog. I used to blog when I was a member of Myspace. I was in my early 20's and experiencing a lot of new things in life. I guess you could say I was a little dramatic. Well, I blogged openly about whatever I was feeling. I got a lot of criticism for it, but over a year or so I wrote over 400 blogs and had about 20,000 views. I have been meaning to start a blog again ever since Myspace exploded with spam and I quit the network, but I couldn't find the inspiration. Finally, I found something that inspires me enough to write about regularly. Since I started this blog in my Providence host family's window seat in April, it has received nearly 7,500 views, been shared by another publication, gotten me work, and inspired me to move this resource from the internet to a public place where freelancers can connect with one another.

With that said, I would like to wish each and every one of you a wonderful holiday season. And thank you to all of you who regularly read my blog! This blog is my pride and joy and I can't wait to continue writing for you in the coming year! Cheers! L'chaim!

In the spirit of the holidays - Part 1 (8 wild moments)

Chanukkah bush and the Jewish nutcracker my mom made me

 In the spirit of the holidays, I have decided to make two lists. This first list is written in the spirit of Chanukkah. Being a secular super Jew (maybe that is an exaggeration),  I am quite aware that the Festival of Lights is well past, but lets keep the celebration going. In honor of the 8 days and nights that the oil burnt bright, I am posting 8 wild moments I experienced while freelancing this year from Philadelphia to Alaska and all the way back to South Carolina.

Super Jew???

1.  One of my wildest experiences while freelancing this year happened while dancing with Alaska Dance Theatre in Anchorage. I was set to dance on live television for Alaska LIVE with Bernadette. About 30 minutes prior to airing across the state, I rehearsed a solo that I performed as Cassio in Othello. Nobody noticed that I rehearsed facing the wrong direction. When my live segment was coming up, they finally realized that they had told me to face the wrong way. The new space was very odd and I was dancing on concrete. Let's just say I winged the whole thing very well.

2. During class at one of my gigs, a dancer sprained her ankle. The director leapt out of their office and said, "You will hate me for this, but you must grab a belt, put in your mouth, stand up, go to barre, and do 100 tendues with sprained ankle. NOW GO!" Let's just say I about died and had to leave the room. (PLEASE DON'T DO THIS!)

3. Three words - Disco search lights during the Sugar Plum variation. While I'm on Nutcracker...performing at a mega church, the addition of English, Italian, and a love pas de deux between Clara and Drosselmeyer, the spilling of dry ice onstage and instead of cleaning it up immediately raising the curtain, a drill team of ridiculously talented gingerbabies, instead of the curtain falling after bows Gangnam Style starts playing and the whole cast does the entire dance, and performing 3 shows of Chinese and 15 shows as the Cavalier.

On set - Itchiest beard ever!

4. During class onstage, a chipmunk snuck onstage through an open stage door. It ran amok around and through dancers feet for about 5 minutes. Never heard little girls scream so loud!

5. I swore I'd never mention this, but in the name of fun and good humor, performing in a dance film that was essentially Nutcracker mixed with Alice in Wonderland and a hint of Little Drummer Boy on acid. Think techno-Nutcracker music with elephants screaming in the background in the month of July. Shhhhhh...don't tell anyone I was ever in it!

6. Performing an open rehearsal in New York City at the 3-room studio/home of the 95 year old choreographer. Dressing room = pantry, lobby = bedroom/dining room, dance studio = dance studio.

Preparing for the live taping

7. After performing my solo on Alaska LIVE with Bernadette (#1 on this list), I immediately sat down to be interviewed live by Bernadette herself. When I sat in my stool, it immediately collapsed while somehow landing on the pole that held the seat up. I was able to balance the seat without it falling by squeezing my legs and pushing down as hard as I could. I did this for the entirety of the 4-minute interview. Lets just say that the crew applauded me when we went to commercial and my legs killed me for days afterwards.

8. Jumping into Neopolitan in Swan Lake with about 2 minutes notice that the original dancer had injured themselves at the end of the first act. Then the staff realizing there was nobody to perform my other part. I performed both parts in every show.

Stay tuned for a 12 days of Christmas inspired post in this 2-part blog series!

Dancing in the last frontier

Today, I'm going to offer a little glimpse into my life. Back in June, when I first left my "big company" life, a colleague I had been dancing with mentioned that her close friends had been appointed to lead Alaska Dance Theatre in Anchorage. They asked her if she knew of any male dancers that would be available to dance in what was to be the company's first residential production. This was a big step for the organization, which is restricted by its isolated location. I was excited by this news, as this was the first time anybody had shown interest in having me freelance.

In June, ADT and I had an initial conversation where we expressed our mutual desire to work together. After months of discussion, I was offered to dance in the company's world premiere production of Othello. I spent much of my career praying that the big company I danced with would show me the world on tour. The funny thing is that it took me leaving for that to finally happen.

As quickly as I became excited for this opportunity is as quickly as my excitement turned into fear. What had I done? I just committed to 5 weeks in Alaska...in the winter! Not only was it going to be freezing cold, but it was going to be dark. And there was going to be a lot of snow. And isn't Alaska a really conservative place for a liberal dancer that lives a more alternative lifestyle. Also, what about my partner? We've been together for 6 years and we have never spent more than 2 weeks apart from each other. How could I have not taken all of these things into consideration?

As the days got closer, I became more and more nervous. I was stepping way out of my comfort zone. I was going to stay with a host family. I would be dancing in a company with a brand new artistic director in a style that I wasn't familiar with. But, being the person that I am, I always calm my fears by being very open and honest about my concerns. This can sometimes be uncomfortable, but there are some things that you must ask if they are important to you. Luckily, ADT's ballet mistress, Dubraskha Arrivillaga, was very helpful in addressing my concerns.

On January 30th, I embarked on my 15ish hour trip to the "Last Frontier." I arrived late in the evening. This was the first time that I had ever been greeted at an airport with my name on a sign. As we drove to my host family's house, I watched smoke and steam rising out of houses at a glacial pace through the bitterly cold air. It was -15 degrees. All of the roads were snow covered and the city felt a bit more suburb than city.

Welcome to Alaska Dance Theatre

I moved in with my host family and had a day to acclimate myself to the time and culture change. Living with a host family can be a great experience. I grew to feel at home with them. After a day off to adjust, a brand new group of dancers converged at the ADT studios to create art and to offer dance to a community that has never had a high-quality, fully professional residential dance company. It was a risk for all involved, but sometimes in the greatest risks come the grandest rewards.

We spent the next 5 weeks with Artistic Director, Gillmer Duran, creating his new production of Othello. We took class every day at 9:30 am and rehearsed until about 4 pm, when the school began classes for the day. One aspect of rehearsals that I really enjoyed was that the choreographic process tended to be equal part choreography being set and equal part collaboration. This production felt like it belonged to both the choreographer and dancers. After rehearsal ended for the day, company dancers were also given the opportunity to share their knowledge by teaching in the school.

Matanuska Glacier

When our work days ended, if we weren't too exhausted, we would hang out with one another. The atmosphere was quite familial and very supportive. I was even able to convince my partner to visit for a week to experience Alaska with me and to make sure that we didn't go 5 weeks without seeing each other. During the weekends, we had time to explore the wondrous beauty that Alaska has to offer. We were lucky enough to have associate artistic director, company dancer, and school coordinator, Sarah Grundwalt, to show us the ways of the biggest state in the U.S. Sarah is a native Anchoragite and she was a tour guide for her brother's Alaskan sightseeing bus company as a young adult. On any given weekend, Sarah would call me up and say, "What do you want to see today." Whether she could partake in the activity or not, she made sure that it happened. Mountains, glaciers, lakes, restaurants, snowshoeing, culture...you think of it, Sarah helped coordinate it.

All in all, the performances went very well. The local audience, which tends to have the attitude of "if it's home-grown, it's not high-quality," was pleasantly surprised. Both shows were extremely well received and very well attended. As a dancer in the production, I was very proud to have the opportunity to share my passion for dance with a maturing arts community. I would not have had this experience had I been tied down to a full-time company. One of the joys of freelancing is that you get to share your art with multiple audiences. Sometimes the audiences are small and uneducated, while at other time they can be large and experienced. In Anchorage, we were teaching a young audience that great dance can happen anywhere in the world, even in the "Last Frontier." This was the most rewarding part of the experience.

Moose in the ADT parking lot

Upon leaving, I was able to reflect on the amazing experience that freelancing brought me. I was pulled out of my comfort zone and Alaska proved me wrong. There were cold days, but there were also warmer days. It snowed a lot and it was dark at times, but Anchorage gained 5 minutes of sunlight everyday that we were there. Even in a state that can be more conservative, people can be liberal, open-minded, and appreciate the arts. I can go to work and there can be a moose in the parking lot. I watched 10 reindeer chase hundreds of people down a city street. I can go downtown and share a cocktail with a political figure, a counselor, a dogsled musher, and a woman with a half dozen roses and baby's breath woven into her hair. And I can be the artist that I am meant to be. My experience with Alaska Dance Theatre really caught me off guard and in the most positive way. I hope that one day I will have the opportunity to return.

Beluga Point, AK (photo credit: Shalem Photography)

   For more information about Alaska Dance Theatre click here