HIRE ME!!!! - Desperation vs. Patience

Performing Scales of Vertigo by Connor w/ Rachel Kantra Beal (Photo: Bill Hebert)

Dancers experience their market much like retailers do. Business booms during the holidays and then crashes to a halt after the new year begins. While many dancers can save up some money during Nutcracker season to get them through the month of January, by the middle of the month, if work isn't picking up, one might start to feel desperate as their savings run out. After contacting an employer to let them know that you are available for work, you may not hear from them for days, weeks, or at all. When does patience benefit you and when do you have to give in to desperation to ensure that you can continue to pay your bills?

After moving from a company with a 40-week contract to one with a 22-week contract to having no long term contracts, I have had my fair share of desperate moments. I have a little calendar on my website that lets people know when and where I am working (mostly in case someone wants to attend my performances, but also for employers to see my availability).  At times, that calendar will say "No shows booked at the moment." This means that I am either free to work or have been too busy to update that page. More often than not, though, it denotes that I don't have any contracts signed, which also means that I have very little income coming in. Teaching twice a week, picking up sub work, and teaching master classes is not enough for me to pay my bills. After a period of time without any prospects, I may start to feel a little panicky.

Often, when I feel panic starting to set in, I go into overdrive looking for work. For instance, this past week, I sent out 27 emails checking in with companies. Out of those 27 emails, less than one-fifth of those organizations returned my message. And a majority of those emails stated that the companies don't typically use freelance dancers. Then, out of nowhere, one potential job becomes available. But the time between contact takes a bit longer than my current comfort level. Maybe it took a normal amount of time, but, feeling panicked about how I am going to make rent for March, I start to feel like the employer isn't interested. Or maybe they are interested, but something is wrong with my email account (which has happened before). Or maybe I waited too long in my response and the employer got a bad taste in their mouth. Or maybe...or maybe... or maybe....I'm starting to feel a little desperate.

There will be times that freelance artists feel that nothing is ever going to formulate in terms of employment. This is a hazard of the trade. One must always push to get work, while having a backup plan in case nothing appears. The point here is that we all need to be practical. The moment that we start to lose our ability to be practical, we start to panic, lose our patience, become desperate, and possibly make poor decisions.

When independent contractors become desperate, their poor choices can take on a variety of faces. Perhaps, a dancer may focus too much on finding work and forget to keep in shape, so they aren't prepared when work comes along. At other times, someone may check out completely and ignore what they have to do because it is simply too much pressure. It is also common for people to start looking for work well below their skill set and salary needs. Not only does this act of desperation devalue the artist, but it also takes more time to make a smaller amount of income. Then, when a proper job becomes available, you may already be working. Or you may respond too aggressively or come off too overexcited and turn off the person with whom you are in contact. There are many things that people do in these moments of fear.

It is important to keep a level head when work is coming in at a glacial pace. Patience is the key that will get one through these cool periods. While it may not be easy to feel patient, it is always important to act patient. One may feel that they need to take a job the moment that it appears. But, now more than ever, it is pertinent to take some time to do some research on the job that you have been offered. Look at their website. If they have a Youtube presence, watch a few videos. Ask a few questions before offering a "Yes! I am AVAILABLE!!!!! HIRE ME!" While you may be feeling this on the inside, you still need to make sure that the work you are accepting is legitimate. In the worst case scenarios, you could even find yourself fighting to get paid without having done proper research and assessment. Patience is the virtue that will keep you on track. It is your ability to assess. Beyond all of this, it will keep you sane, level-headed, and happier with your choices.

While patience is extremely important when seeking and accepting work, becoming too patient can also work against you. Leaving too much time between contact can lose a job opportunity for you. Not all employers will send you a message that asks if you are still interested. If they have a deadline to meet and they feel that you may not accept an offer, they may find another dancer without letting you know that they are doing so. Patience is a two-way street. I find it best to offer a time frame when giving yourself a cushion to make a decision. For instance, this past week, I was offered work for a month between April and May. I am waiting to have a conversation with another employer and don't want to make any decisions until that happens. When speaking to the director of the April-May job, I mentioned that I needed to check on a few things and that I would get back to them by Tuesday. This way, the director doesn't feel that I am going to take my time only to say no. But if they don't hear from me by Tuesday, they can choose to call me to check in or start looking for another possibility.

It is also important not to be so overly patient that you hold off on something that really excites you. I tend to be the type that wants to make sure that every aspect of a job is going to be perfect. I've also been in situations where there is a very small chance of a very unlikely prospect coming my way, but I don't want to commit to something unless I know that the potential opportunity is 100% not happening. Holding off is not wholly bad. But, for some reason, the dance world operates more along the lines of "I really want to work for you," instead of "I am more than worth you waiting for me." Be patient, but don't completely lack desperation.

Find balance in your business practices (Photo: Brian Mengini)

In the end, like most things, it is most important to find a good balance of patience and desperation. Desperation is here to make sure that we don't find ourselves without a rent check. While patience is around to make sure that you don't react on a whim and find yourself in a bad situation. It can become difficult to recognize when each is benefiting you or pulling you away from reaching your goals. I have learned that it is always best to give a moment before reacting to any offers, as my initial reaction is usually just that. A reaction. After the initial excitement or exposure of red flags is complete, it is an easier decision that you can feel more comfortable about making in the end.

How do you handle your own moments of desperation?

Freelancing is rarely forever

Maybe I am an alien???

I've said it once and I'll say it a million more times. Freelancing is a very difficult career. I've spent the last two and a half years calling Philadelphia my home, but living with host families and in hotels across the country. I have spent more nights sleeping in guest bedrooms than I have my own. In fact, this past week I turned to my partner and told him, "I'm an alien." OK, so maybe that is a really odd/awkward statement to make. But for anybody that knows me and the way my brain works, it makes total sense. I don't feel like I belong anywhere. When I'm home, nothing seems familiar and when I am away everything is foreign. With all of this said, I was given some wise advice from the father of one of my colleague's early on in my career at PNB. "If you want to accomplish something, you need to put it in writing." So, this has been brewing for a long while now, but it has taken time to hone in on the issue and its' solution. I'm ready to put this one in writing. And with all my efforts to keep the integrity of this blog an open and honest journal and tool into freelance work and living in the dance world, I'd rather share the true experience of a freelance dancer than the glorified, overcoming adversity tale that we, as a society, are trained to enjoy and reward. I need to greatly slow down my freelancing. There. I said it. ::breathes out::

I didn't choose freelancing. I could've chosen not to freelance. There is this saying that "you don't choose ballet, it chooses you." I don't remember who said it first. But however cliche it sounds, it is true. Ballet and technical dance in general are not kind arts. As a child, you are put into this art form because parents think it is cute, good exercise, and fun. This is one of the greatest facades I have ever known. Ballet is grueling, torturous hard work that is generally unforgiving, aesthetically-elitist, and selfish. Those that are lucky enough to enter the professional ballet world learn very quickly if they were chosen by it. I've seen many magnificently talented dancers quit during their first few years with a company due to injury, poor coping skills, burnout, or unhappiness with casting. These people weren't the chosen ones. Those that are chosen will suffer through less than ideal circumstances for three reasons; to defeat adversity, to savor those rare moments when ballet does give back, and because they need to dance. When I suffered my injury nearly two years ago and was unfairly let go from my company job, there was no question that I needed to dance. It was only a matter of how. At the time, my only option was freelancing.

This costume wasn't a highlight of my freelancing career

While ballet can be challenging, freelancing (on it's own) can be equally unforgiving. Put the two together and, at times, this avenue to dance can be wearing. While I have had some lovely experiences freelancing, I have also seen a darker side of our art. The term starving artist must have been borne alongside the term freelance artist. While I have been lucky enough to sustain myself over the past 2 1/2 years on dancing and teaching, most freelance dancers I know survive on hours of work doing non-dance jobs. This takes away from time they could be investing in the studio and it takes away from their energy levels to perform well. My savings account has dwindled well below my comfort zone. And I am beginning to feel the pressure of this lifestyle; keeping myself in shape and motivated, never-ending work searches, neglecting body maintenance, and monetary distress. Conditions, non-professional work, salary, self-negotiating, inconsistent work, and more make the emotional challenges of freelancing overwhelming at a certain point. These things are most likely the reasons that most of my high-level freelancing friends take big breaks from the lifestyle, as well. I do think my time for an extended break has come.

With all of this negative, also comes the positive. I have never felt freer artistically since I started traveling on my own. The good jobs that I get are usually quite professional, where those in charge understand the professionalism that goes along with my credentials. These lead to trusting relationships, where I have been able to have more say in my product. I have seen parts of the world I wouldn't have seen otherwise. And for every 5 to 10 jobs that pay poorly, there is usually 1 or 2 that make you feel like a celebrity. But all in all, it is the people that you meet along the way that make it worthwhile. And the privilege to see that there are amazing dance artists everywhere has been eye-opening; in every company and in every project that I have been a part of. Lastly, it is really gratifying to know that I can make a dance career happen on my own. No company, agent, or individual to take credit, except myself.

So, I guess the big question is what is next? Well, the big plan was this. I was very inspired by the audition process for Chris Wheeldon's American in Paris. I would love to explore the world of musical theatre and Broadway, as I feel that joining that world would be coming full circle with my training. When I was a teenager, Riz-Biz Productions founder and former A Chorus Line dancer, Bob Rizzo, took me under his wing.  Everybody and their mother told me to stop dreaming about ballet and go into musical theatre. They told me this because I was known for my personality onstage and clearly behind in my ballet technique. The only issue with this is that I didn't have proper vocal training and I had fallen in love with ballet. So, included in my plan is a period of vocal training and, maybe even, some acting lessons.

This was my original plan. Im in khakis on the right. West Side Story Suite by Jerome Robbins (Photo: Angela Sterling)

This was the plan until I went down to Los Angeles to dance with Barak Ballet. I've been pulled into conversations a lot lately about my ballet career. If I start to focus on Broadway, does that mean that it could be the beginning of the end of my ballet career? Not necessarily. But when three established people in the dance world; a respected dance critic, a former Balanchine ballerina and Balanchine Trust repetiteur, and well-respected teacher, pull you aside during the same week and tell you that you need to go back into a ballet company, you can't help but think that the universe is trying to tell you something. And even worse, or better, it was echoing a little voice that has been screaming for attention in the back of my head for quite a while now. I miss dancing for a ballet company. I miss being in constant preparation for a production. I miss coming to company class everyday with my colleagues and a live pianist. I miss a regular community. I miss having a live orchestra. I miss a lot of that life.

So what happens with my freelancing? Well, until I figure all of this out, I will continue freelancing. My plan is to start slowing my traveling down over the first six months of the new year. I'm currently searching for teaching work to reestablish my savings account. Eventually, I hope to only take work that I really, really, really want to do. As this happens, I plan on beginning work for both of my plans. I will work towards both to see which seems like a more viable option. My end goal is to either join a ballet company or be auditioning for shows in New York City by September.

My end goal

Does this mean that this is the end of Life of a Freelance Dancer? Absolutely not! One thing I do know, it was a difficult challenge to learn how to freelance. And now that I know the ropes of this segment of the dance world, it will always be a part of my career. I never said that I was going to stop freelancing. I just desperately need to find home, stability, and lower my stress level. Even if I have periods where I am not freelancing or do join a company again, I will continue to write about my experiences and educate future freelancers on the intricacies of this world. And the best thing about a blog like this is that it is not confined to one area of our community. Anybody can be a freelancer at any point, whether they are in a company, doing a long term gig, or freelancing full-time. Thank you to all of my readers for your continued support. I look forward to many years of advice, enlightenment, and experiences. And thank you for letting me share my true, honest experiences with all of you!

Freelancing isn't all glory

Nearly every person that I speak to about my freelancing career usually responds with "You're life is so exciting!" I wouldn't necessarily disagree, but at times it is also exciting in a less than glorious way. I have been freelancing for about a year now and part of that time I was relying on regular, seasonal work with a company in Philadelphia. It was only at the beginning of April when I was forcibly placed into the role of full-time freelance dancer. I am not stating this to take away from the depth of knowledge that I do have about this field. While I am experienced, I am also continuing to have new experiences and learning about specific challenges that freelancers face. Unfortunately, freelancing is a lot of "you live, you learn." In the process of learning, it may present challenges to see how industrious and strong a person you are.

I know that this post is much darker than other writings on this blog, but there are certain realities that freelancers or those that wish to become one need to be aware of. Yes, I get to travel the world to dance. Yes, I get to follow my passion. Yes, I am my own boss. But there is also a harsher side of freelancing. First and foremost, pick-up dancers are not governed by a union that negotiates their contracts for them. Instead, it is the dancer's responsibility to make sure that all of their needs are met and put down in writing before committing to a gig. Unfortunately, most dancers don't realize exactly what this means until they have an experience that brings one of these needs to their attention. A majority of the time these issues relate to environment or transportation, but it can also relate to commitment and pay. Just read this article about the poor state of financial appreciation/respect for dance artists. When negotiating a contract, some employers will low-ball a dancer's pay. They may not be doing this to disrespect a dancer, but instead to preserve the financial well-being of the company. At the same time, it can be impossible for a dancer to meet their monthly needs at $400-$500/week. This can make it difficult to commit to work. Dancers want to be working and there is always the question of whether a dancer will be able to find better work during that period. So, negotiations need to take place. A dancer who is in demand may find that they are negotiating multiple contracts at once, which makes it easier to make little mistakes or miss a clause that is important. And being a young individual negotiating with the person who will presumably become your employer can be quite uncomfortable. Learning how to effectively negotiate salary is important for a freelancer. It is an art and it is a different process with each potential employer. A dancer doesn't want to appear selfish and egotistical. But at the same time, why shouldn't a dancer have the ability to pay their bills or put a little bit of money in their savings account? This is, in my opinion, one of the hardest parts of being a freelance dancer.

Another aspect of freelancing that presents a great challenge is covering your bills when you are not dancing for an employer. You can read about different things I do to survive in my previous blog, Summer Slow-down. Even though there are a lot of great ideas there, dancers can still encounter certain challenges in making ends meet. I am one of those dancers that prefers to find work that helps enrich my dance career, instead of seeking part-time work outside of my field. When I am not dancing, I am usually able to find work teaching master classes (I am lucky enough to be well connected in the Philadelphia region since I was raised in the suburbs). I have also obtained work at national competitions and performing minor gigs. Since I choose not to get a job outside of my field and my weekly offerings change, I don't necessarily have a great way to gauge exactly what my monthly income will be. Also, these teaching/judging/gigs don't typically work on contract. I recently had an issue where I committed my workday to teach for an organization and spent hours creating new choreography for them (I even paid for music for the event). I was given 36 hours notice that the event was cancelled. Not only was I out on the salary that I was expecting, but there was not enough time to find new work to replace lost income. This isn't a frequent occurrence, but freelancers need to be efficient about spending and saving their money for times like this. It is difficult to hold somebody accountable for issues like this, as most of this type of work is done off contract. But now you can see how important it is to negotiate work that will leave you a certain amount of savings.

Lastly, freelancers have to figure out how to deal with injury. One of the scariest parts of freelancing is that many dancers can't afford health coverage. You can read further about this and find important information about how to seek coverage, if you can afford it, here. I am lucky enough that I have been able to maintain my health insurance to this point. But even with health coverage, injuries can present great problems. One of the most difficult aspects of dancing is knowing when an injury is going to take you out. Obviously, if there is a major fracture involved (knock on wood), you are not going to be able to dance. But most dancer's injuries occur from overuse or include various levels of sprains. These injuries can sometimes be pushed through. Other times, they can be pushed through to a degree, but may eventually do more serious or permanent damage. So, first a dancer needs to know their limits and determine when it is acceptable to continue working. Freelancers have a tendency to work through injuries more than regularly contracted dancers. Not only because they tend to be more aggressive and strong minded, but also because they often have no choice. "Do I pay my rent this month or do I end up back at home or living couch to couch with friends?" This is one of the hardest and scariest aspects of freelancing. If you have a great support system from your parents, the freelancing life can be simple to navigate. But if you are on your own or far away from home, there will be times that challenge your strength as a dancer and person.

There are other aspects of freelancing that are not as glorious as they seem, but negotiating work, making ends meet during off-times, and dealing with injuries are three of the harshest realities of this lifestyle. There are ways to work with each of these, but a dancer must be aware of the challenges that lay ahead of them when they choose this path. My upcoming blogs will bring "Life of a Freelance Dancer" back to more positive posts. My feelings, though, are that this blog should share every aspect of freelancing and, unfortunately, it isn't all glory.