Hey LOFD fans! I want to leave a little note here that we are in the final 3 days of our fundraising campaign for our Core-ography project. We are only 1/3 of the way towards meeting our $6,000 goal and need your help! Would you be willing to make a donation of any size (they start at $10 and go up from there). If each of my readers donate at our minimal donation-level, we can easily meet our goal. We have great perks for donation levels from getting your name mentioned in the credits as a donor to skype sessions and personalized choreography made just for you by me! LOFD receives over 100 views daily from the United States to India, and all across Europe to South America!
You can follow this link (CLICK HERE) for more information about the project or to make a "tax-deductible" donation. Below, you can see all of our high caliber artists. Each of your donations help support telling these incredible artists life-defining stories.
Please consider helping us finish off this campaign with a bang!
Bridgett Zehr - Freelance Artist (former Principal w/English National Ballet, National Ballet of Canada, & Houston Ballet)
- Principal w/Washington Ballet (former Principal w/Orlando Ballet
& dancer w/Joffrey Ballet, American Ballet Theatre Studio Company.
Princess Grace Fellowship Winner. Medalist - Varna, Jackson, Helsinki,
Boston, & Korean International Ballet Competitions)
- Principal w/Pennsylvania Ballet & Capezio Brand Athlete (former
New York City Ballet, Indiana University, Academy Award-winning film Black Swan)
Andrew Brader - Complexions Contemporary Ballet (former Houston Ballet, Los Angeles Ballet, Ballet Met, Die Theater Chemnitz)
Maria Chapman - Principal w/Pacific Northwest Ballet & MPG Sportswear Messenger
John Lam - Principal w/Boston Ballet (Princess Grace Fellowship Winner)
Kiara Felder - Atlanta Ballet
Cervilio Amador - Principal w/Cincinnati Ballet (former National Ballet of Cuba)
Shira Lanyi - Freelance Artist (former Principal w/Ballet Israel & Richmond Ballet)
Allen Joseph - Freelance Artist (Glee - TV series, Festival Ballet Theatre, Cupcake Canne)
Kara Zimmerman - Joffrey Ballet (former Senior Soloist w/Cincinnati Ballet, Pacific Northwest Ballet)
Jessica Daley - Freelance Artist (former Koresh Dance Company, University of the Arts)
As I sit here at the Bill and Hillary Clinton National Airport patiently waiting for my delayed first flight home to Philadelphia, I can't help but think about my failure in winning the Visions Choreographic Competition at Ballet Arkansas. Five talented choreographers from Boston, Chicago, Oklahoma City, and San Francisco (oh yeah...and me from Philly) convened for a week in the southern state of Arkansas to create a teaser work to present onstage in 11 achingly short hours. We all took this risk in hopes of receiving positive critiques from the judges (amongst them Glenn Edgerton) and to potentially receive a commission with Ballet Arkansas. After a week of planning, creativity, and great effort, my dancers threw themselves into my work and gave a glimmer of what could potentially be a much larger scale piece. Alas, another deserving choreographer won that commission, and I sit here at my gate sipping my Starbucks coffee and writing about my failure. But this failure isn't a bad thing.
The dance world is and has always been obsessed with success. "Wow! She is only 15 years old and she just got hired by New York City Ballet!""He choreographed his first ballet and all of a sudden companies everywhere are seeking him out for new commissions!" "They filled in for a dancer who got injured with only a few hours notice and were almost immediately promoted!" These are not irregular conversation pieces I have come across throughout my dance career. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, these statements have never been said about me. And the reason for this is because those meteoric success stories are so rare that they are unlikely to happen to about 99 percent of us.
So many of us in the dance world dream of rising to the top with an ease of effort and the least amount of failure. But that just doesn't happen as often as we think. Give or take a few, five artists per dance-generation can proclaim these momentous stories all the way to the front page of Dance Magazine or Pointe. So, where does that leave the rest of us? If one wants to move forward, it forces the rest of us to suffer both small and great failures as we pass from success to success.
So, let's take a look at my very recent failure. I really began choreographing back in 2008 at Pacific Northwest Ballet's Choreographers Showcase. Since that first work, I have choreographed for the National Choreographers Initiative, Seattle's Men in Dance festival, the Philly Fringe Festival, Alaska Dance Theatre, multiple other PNB showcases, and won an award from Youth America Grand Prix. Nearly 6 months ago, I decided to apply for Ballet Arkansas' Visions Choreographic Competition. I was drawn to this experience for multiple reasons. First off, any chance to create on professionals is a success. Beyond this, my work would have the opportunity to be seen by a new community, a renowned figure in the international dance community, and some of my national colleagues. In fact, to be chosen out of 31 candidates to be a finalist for this venture was a great success. Do you see where I'm going with this?
When all 5 of the finalist's short works were presented yesterday evening, each of us had already achieved success by making it to the performance stage of this competition. As of 7 PM last night, none of us had failed in our risk of entering to choreograph. But by the end of the night, one choreographer would become more successful at this event than the rest of us. If none of us had actually had the aplomb to put ours work on the line, we wouldn't have had the chance to be successes or failures. At the end of the night, I was a failure. But it was neither a bad thing to fail, nor a negative part of my growth as a dance maker. It was an opportunity to work. It was an opportunity to be seen. It was an opportunity to fail. It was an opportunity to succeed. And without all of these opportunities, I wouldn't learn, improve, refine, and cultivate my art.
With success comes failure and with failure comes success. We, especially in the U.S., suffer from the negative connotation that arrives with the word failure. But interestingly enough, most of those of us who experience the most failure also experience the most success. The two go hand in hand and are quite reciprocal. My success in the Visions Choreographic Competition also allowed for my failure. And in the end, I created a new work, added more experience to my queue, expanded my creative network, and much more. I guess I could say that I am really grateful to have had the opportunity to fail. And with this new experience, perhaps, the next time I will succeed more greatly!
|Jessika Anspach & me (as Puck) getting ready for A Midsummer Night's Dream at PNB|
I've always been pretty lucky that I was practically born with a knack for interacting with people. As I have gotten older, I have honed this in to a slight degree. But for the most part, I am genuinely interested in getting to know new acquaintances and have developed skills to make a memorable impression quickly. As I've gotten older, though, I find that I tend to shy up the first few days of a new gig as I assess the circumstances that I am entering.
|Performing in my work "Gated Lies" (Photo: Bill Hebert)|
When I'm feeling particularly shy, the first thing that locks up is my voice. Either my relentless stream of words stop flowing out of my mouth (I am infamous for my ability to fill dead air) or I can't seem to raise the volume of my voice. I'm not positive of the reasoning behind this, but my assumptions fall in the range of being afraid to overstep the unique social boundaries of my new workplace through to being consumed by my assessment of the multitude of new people and situations surrounding me. What ends up happening is that I can't seem to tie one string of thoughts together from the five floating around in my head.
Essentially, what it comes down to is that I am likely experiencing sensory overload. I think this happens with many people who have issues with an unwanted stifling of their personality in new environments. In these situations, I will try to eliminate some of the noise in my head and focus on one thing at a time. Or I try to remind myself that every workplace has a particular social order. In entering that new environment, I can't walk on eggshells in fear that I may overstep my boundaries. I rarely do break workplace culture. And when I have actually done so, people are very understanding and forgiving as long as I learned quickly and was genuine in my error.
Another time when I have felt myself pulling back has been when there is another dancer in the room with a larger-than-life personality. This is the type of dancer that cracks all of the really funny jokes or who always needs to be the center of attention. When this happens, I'd rather let that person take control than duke it out for the social spotlight. In reality, I'm only successful at being funny about 10% of the time (depending on your humor) and I feel people appreciate me for many of my other qualities. So, when I find my outgoing self being stifled by one of these personalities, I tend to step into the shadows and enjoy the show or move on to a quieter place to focus on the many tasks that I probably have in my new environment. Essentially, if you find yourself in a similar situation, you need to choose whether to be a part of the act, a part of the audience, or to pass your ticket to someone else and skip out on the show.
|Me stress? Never! (w/Elizel Long - Photo: Gutierrez Photography)|
I don't always find that I lose certain aspects of being outgoing from gig to gig. But it can be stressful to watch your true self be stifled and take a back seat when there are tons of artistic personalities oozing out of each person in the room. While this isn't always true, I do find that directors tend to have a magnetic attraction to dancers who can hold the attention of an entire studio with a smile, wink, or laugh. It can be stressful entering new work environments regularly. And nobody needs the additional worry of fading into the background or appearing uninteresting or disingenuous. Making a memorable impression is important because you want to stay on employers radars for future work and opportunities. If you find yourself feeling or acting shy, stop thinking so much, show people you are generally interested in their particular environment, and take some time for yourself to rest and recharge your social battery.
|Look! I got equipment for my project. Thanks Career Transitions for Dancers!|
1. When I was a kid, I was really torn about my future career. I really wanted to be a dancer. But I was actually equally passionate about becoming a meteorologist. My family used to joke that I would become a dancing weatherman. In between all of my time in school and dance classes, I wouldn't watch Nickelodeon or kids programming. Instead, I would sit glued to The Weather Channel.
|I <3 NYC (from my Instagram feed)|
3. I lived in Seattle for 7 years and only began drinking coffee during the last 6 months of my stay there. This is one of my biggest regrets in life!
|Please meet Psycho|
5. Yes, I'm 31 years old. And, Yes, I watch Spongebob for hours and hours on the weekends!
6. I talk about my personal life a lot on here, but I rarely talk about my family. I'm kind of odd, in a sense, that I don't have a great sense of family. Not that I don't love my family. My parents divorced when I was 1 and my father and his side of the family were never a big part of my life. My grandmother was a lovely lady who had a tendency to hold grudges. So, we never really saw that side of the family either. Aside from my mom, step dad, older sister, much younger brother (11 years), grandmother, and uncle, I had no contact with the rest of my family. To make up for it, I had my dance family. Some of my extended family has reached out to me as I have become an adult, but I found it challenging to accept their immediate love and support when I don't really know them or feel/understand that connection.
|My concept of family? Most of them are in there/I couldn't find a clear shot of all of us|
|Anniversary gift - Art by Lora Zombie|