Returning to Providence

Sleeping Beauty rehearsal - Shura Baryshnikov as Carabosse & Emily Loscocco as the Lilac Fairy (Photo: A. Cemal Ekin)

Almost one year ago to the day, I was sitting on an Amtrak train writing a blog about my wonderful host family that I had spent a month living with in Providence, Rhode Island while guesting with Festival Ballet Providence. Although, I had some experience freelancing before that gig, it was my first as a full-time freelance artist. I am experiencing a bit of de ja vu since I am currently on a train heading home to Philly after saying goodbye to the same host family. Three weeks ago, I was brought back to the Ocean State to dance with FBP in their season closing production of Sleeping Beauty. It was due to the relationship that we had cultivated last year that I was asked to come back and dance with the company again.

A few weeks before I left Alaska, I contacted the director of Festival to see if he needed any guest artists for his production of Sleeping Beauty. Since the company is comprised of about 25 artists, it is not uncommon for them to hire guest artists to supplement their productions of these large scale classical ballets. At the time of contact, the company was in the theatre working on a different production and they weren't able to let me know if they needed me. I only found out that I was hired a little less than a week prior to my leaving. I had just arrived home from Anchorage when they let me know they needed me. After spending 3 months in Alaska, I only had 5 days at home before I hopped aboard a train to begin rehearsing. Sometimes, that is how work happens. I have learned to be prepared to travel at a moment's notice.

Providence is beautiful in the springtime

Although I do prefer a bit more warning, I was happy to return to Providence for many reasons. The moment that I was hired, I jokingly told the director that I wouldn't take the job if I couldn't stay with the host family I was with last year. He already knew that I would make this request and within an hour I had received a text from my host mother letting me know, "Of course you'll stay with us. I'll start cooking!" I was very happy to reconnect with the fam and to catch up on happenings of the past year.

I was also excited, surprisingly, to take class with the company again. Last year, I dreaded returning to the achingly slow classes that were founded by Agrippina Vaganova. Strict Russian-style classes are hard as can be. After training at the Kirov Academy of Ballet for a year, I was reluctant to return to that training, especially after cultivating myself into a Balanchine dancer with Pacific Northwest Ballet. What I wasn't expecting was how much strength I would gain from the technique during my time with FBP last season. This time around, I was excited to benefit from these classes. At times, I just couldn't make it through the painstakingly slow adagios that are often given. But I definitely felt that my technique got stronger over the last few weeks. I even had a mind-blowing revelation during one of the classes. Well, I didn't quite have this revelation, but the teacher explained one thing that had always irked me about Russian training. After giving a particularly hard combination, the ballet master, Cosmin Marculetiu, let the dancers in on a little secret about Vaganova training. He stated, "This combination wasn't created to make you feel good. It was made to make you fail." This statement validated all of my feelings about this style of training since I left KAB. I always felt like I was a horrible dancer in Russian classes. I didn't realize that this was exactly the point. Although, I don't prefer to feel like I am failing each day, I can now better appreciate this technique. It was developed to challenge you beyond your threshold, so that one can handle difficult choreography with ease.

One thing that I really appreciated upon my return to the company was how welcomed I felt by the dancers and staff. There has been a lot of turnover in the company since last season, so there were many new faces. Although there were new dancers, from the moment I walked into the studio I felt that people were genuinely happy to see me. There was only a rumor that I might be returning, so most of the dancers weren't expecting to see me when I arrived. I was embraced with warm smiles, hugs, and chatty catching up. Those that didn't know me quickly warmed up to me and, within a day or two, I felt almost as if I had met them the season prior. Being a freelancer, I am constantly faced with the discomfort of breaking into each company's unique bubble, which is commonly tight knit and competitive. It was nice to walk into the studio knowing that I didn't have to prove myself or awkwardly engage people until someone befriended me. I appreciate this more than one would probably think due to the fact that my work forces me to exist in a constant state outside of my comfort zone.

Taking this job was not a career boosting opportunity for me. I didn't return to Festival to be a star. The director didn't hire me to dance in place of his dancers. He already has beautiful, quality dancers who are more than qualified to dance their repertoire's leading roles. When I take work, I usually prefer to be the Prince or some other leading character. But if I am going to take a job where I am only needed to supplement corps roles, especially roles I most often performed during my apprenticeship/1st year in the corps, I would prefer for it to be in an environment that I enjoy. During the past three weeks, I was so happy to reconnect with old friends, make new friends, take quality classes, and perform with little stress in my roles. Last year, I felt like I was returning to my roots in Providence. This year, I felt like I was returning to see an old friend.

Carabosse & her crew of gargoyles

Video Break - Performing "The Nutcracker" grand pas de deux

This past week I received my first offer to perform a guesting for the 2013 Nutcracker season. Even though it is only the beginning of May, many schools and companies are already beginning to prepare for this holiday delight. The Nutcracker is often future professionals introduction to ballet. And although most of us pros have a massive-love hate relationship with the ballet, we know that it inspires and pays the bills. Last year, I had the wonderful opportunity to perform in Ballet Nova's The Nutcracker in Arlington, Virginia with a very talented 16-year old student that came up through the school. Below you can see a majority of the grand pas de deux that we performed together with mere hours of rehearsal time together. Enjoy!

The Best Advice I've Gotten (Life of a Freelance Dancer turns 1 year old)

 Giving a speech (Photo: Lindsay Thomas)

I am very excited to say that Life of a Freelance Dancer celebrated it's first birthday last Tuesday. In one short year, this blog has been viewed over 14,000 times by viewers on all 6 continents (Does Antarctica even count?). We have written over 52 posts with guest bloggers from multiple dance scenes on all topics pertaining to this career style. We have been shared by multiple other bloggers, partnered with a website design company that makes sites specifically for dancers, and threw an event for freelancers in New York City (stay tuned for another). Not only that, "LOFD" was named a finalist in Dance Advantage's top dance blog contest.  Cheers to a great kick off year and to many more to come!

In honor of "LOFD's" first year of life, I have decided to list some of the best advice that I have received and given over the past year. I have had many great, odd, challenging, and rewarding experiences during my first year of full-time freelancing and I have, surely, learned a lot. I couldn't have made it through without the support of my partner, mentors, colleagues, friends, and family (and because I didn't ask if I could share any of these gems, I will not be listing those who gave me this advice). Enjoy!

- "Trust you instincts."

- "Make a list of choreographers you want to work with and contact them."

- "Market yourself unabashedly, but don't be that person who puts a card in everyone's hand at the start of every conversation."

- "Do be gracious towards your employers. They chose to hire you over many other dancers. Whether it be an honest verbal thank you, a short note, or a follow-up email, let your employer know that you are appreciative and what you will take away/remember from your time working with the company."

- "Your value as a dancer is not based on what you are dancing at a particular moment. It's the sum of your whole career."

- "Don't try to clean up other people's messes. Give support if they ask for assistance, but let them clean up for themselves."

- "There is no timeline to a dance career."

- "Create pathways. If you create multiple pathways, one is sure to take. If you only make one, if it doesn't work out, you have nowhere to go."

-"Don't let those that haven't been in your shoes make you feel like you are less than you're worth." "One can't understand what it is like to play in the big leagues when they are only in the minors."

-"If dancing is something you are truly passionate about, be sure to make that apparent in your work ethic and artistry. People will notice." 

-"Acknowledge the problem, find a workable solution, take care of yourself, and don't internalize the problem."

 - "If you are offering your services for nothing or close to that, you are lowering your value as a commodity."

- "In classical ballet, you are expected to strive for perfect technique in your performance (among other things). In contemporary dance, you are expected to be moving."

- "I do what I need to. I help out when I can. And I don't make a big deal out of either."

-  "If you need something, you have to ask for it."

- "Find a way to be more compelling."

- "Take breaks from work."

- "Just because somebody hired you doesn't mean that you are a slave to their every wish."

- "Repeated thoughts create wiring in the brain. Once you have created that wired connection, it is hard to break the pattern of thought."

- "When a situation does get bad, I think the pressure valve will be empathy.

You can't submit. But you just might be able to understand."

- "Do smile and laugh. This may seem super shallow, but employers are drawn to dancers that are happy. The more you smile and laugh, the more likely an employer will enjoy your presence. Try to do this genuinely."

- Lastly...from my mom. Not necessarily advice, but a motherly push at the end of some advice. Mom: "You're famous." Me: "No, I'm not." Mom: "You are to me."

Elizel Long & me in Amy Seiwert's "Monuments" (Photo: Gutierrez Photography)

The Fine Line Between Submissive and Aggressive

As a student of dance, you are taught to be as submissive as possible. You know nothing and the teacher holds the key to all of the possibilities of your future. Of course, there are good teachers and bad teachers and you submissively hope that each teacher is going to give you all of the correct tools for success. Whether you get proper training or not, if you make it as a professional, it is likely that you lucked out on a great teacher or moved along to find a new, better teacher to show you the way. Once you become a professional, you are hired to follow the lead of a director and their artistic staff. Essentially, show up, take class, come to rehearsal, do your job, and go home. Don't question authority, corrections, or advice. As a pro, your role as dancer changes to a degree and you have a bit more say in how you approach your work. But for the most part you must still remain subservient, even as a fully grown adult. At what point does this mindset help one's career and when does it begin to hinder your pathway to success?

When I am teaching a class, I fully expect my students to hang on every word I say. I've been through rigorous training at world-class schools, I have danced on many great stages, and I have had lasting power that has allowed me to continue dancing for 10 years and counting. My students are more than welcome to ask questions. But when it comes to questioning my approach, knowledge, and corrections, I am not open to holding a debate about my reasoning with a student in class. What it comes down to is this. A student is somewhere between a blank canvas and an uncolored outline of a beautiful picture. They still need the tools to determine what colors to paint the picture, what brush to use, and the appropriate technique to combine these things into a piece of art. Very rarely does a student have a natural knack to complete the image without any instruction. For the most part, a student needs articulate guidance to help them along their path to success. This idea of blind following is a necessary aspect of a student's training.

Because many dancers begin their career at a young age, the concept of blind following tends to bleed over in the transition from high-level student to professional dancer. As a pro, it is assumed that you will be that blank canvas I mentioned above. The expectation of a dancer is to walk into a studio, have previous choreography/new work transferred to their body, and then to go onstage and do exactly what they have been told to do in rehearsal. For the most part, the dancer is performing under great influence of those that they are submissive towards. Typically, the only influence dancers have in the choreography comes from their personality and individual nuance. It is not common for a dancer to be given liberty to make largely personal choices in the studio or onstage.

Dancing "Gold" in "Sleeping Beauty" - SAB workshop '03

I often ask myself whether adult-professional dancer submission is due to the nature of the work or the nature of the training. There was great controversy back in 2009, when New York City Ballet's Ballet-Master-in-Chief, Peter Martins, was called out by a dancer that had been laid off and felt the need to speak about certain aspects of dancing for America's largest dance company. In this article, former dancer, Sophie Flack, stated "we’re referred to as kids by the administration. Some of the people they’re referring to are 35-year-old women with children." I often question why this happens. For many dancers, especially within New York City Ballet, they are hired as teenagers that have come through the School of American Ballet. Peter Martins often taught at the school when I attended in 2002-2003. When students come through training programs as teenagers and transition to professionals at a young age, the leadership still has the memory of the dancers as students. I feel it can be difficult to make the mental transition, on the artistic staff's side, from aspiring child to working adult. This is not always the case, as many dancers move on to dance with companies that didn't see this progression. But the idea that most dancers don't have a transition in the most common sense, like going from high school student to college student to intern to working professional, blurs the line between submissive, child-like attitudes and more aggressive, adult-like independent thinking.

It is quite difficult to work as a freelance dancer because of the submissive nature that is instilled in dancers at an early point in their training. At times, one can feel like they are fighting against their very own being. When a dancer chooses to freelance, they are finding their own work, promoting oneself, and looking out for their own needs. Much of this requires an aggressive streak. Dancers that remain submissive will find that they have trouble convincing employers that they are the right person for the job. The act of negotiating a contract is also an activity that requires the dancer to act more aggressively to have their needs met. Following these more aggressive behaviors, a dancer arrives in the studio and is expected to be completely submissive. To add to the confusion, if an issue, whether relating to comfort or safety, needs to be handled, it is the freelancers necessity to speak up for themselves. It can be quite confusing and cause problems if one can't determine when it is appropriate to be submissive or aggressive.

What I find works best for me is to get my most important needs written directly into a contract. This prevents any question if an uncomfortable situation arises and I need to address it. Responding aggressively to an action that is in opposition to expectations seems less aggressive if it is put down in writing prior to the issue. I find that it is easier to remain submissive in a studio if you respect the people you are working for and if they provide an atmosphere that is comfortable and safe. As it is often said, respect breeds respect.

To be completely honest, I find myself happiest in a studio where I feel that I can remain submissive. When I feel the need to step into a more aggressive role, it is usually because I feel disrespected or endangered. Moving away from my place of submission makes me horribly uncomfortable. Certain situations do arise that can push the boundaries of a dancers' reaction. For instance, if an employer makes last second changes to a rehearsal schedule, how is one supposed to react? What if rehearsals continue longer than they are supposed to? Or if the warm-up class is not what is expected or appropriate? What if there is a last minute costume change that could be potentially dangerous without any time to adjust? When is it appropriate to speak up (an aggressive act) and when is it time to let it slide (a submissive act)?

As I have already said, I am happiest in rehearsals where I can remain submissive. Unfortunately, working as a freelance artist, there will be times when one must stand up for themselves. This has been a challenge more than I would like to admit during my tenure as a freelancer. Dancing with an AGMA company, the dancers had a 40-something page contract that clarified every detail of expected conditions and terms listed. In the freelance world, there is no such thing. For the most part, you are at the will of whatever the employer asks you to do. If you don't feel safe and you choose to act submissively, you may be jeopardizing your own well-being. But if you respond aggressively, you may be upsetting the management and creating an insubordinate image. Essentially, it takes great judgement on the freelancers part to decide when it is appropriate to let something slide and when to speak up for oneself.

In the end, due to the nature of expected dancer submission, if one chooses to vocalize their concerns, they may risk souring the director's view of them and destroying potential for future work together. Whether the issue is small or large, an aggressive discussion (whether mild or severe) to resolve conflicts of interest can end in resolution or disaster. Unfortunately, I am not in a place to give advice on what is right and what is wrong. It is as personal as it gets. The only advice I can give would be to judge your relationship with the person you are bringing an issue up with, think about how important the problem is and how much it is affecting your well-being, and avoid entering into a discussion with anger and resentment. Keeping these things in mind, it will be easier to have a civil conversation. Essentially, be aggressive with a hint of submission. And if you see that the opposite party isn't responding well, have an exit plan. If the item is important, stand your ground. If it is anything less than important, consider taking a step back or compromising.

Many engagements come and go smoothly with both parties pleased with the work done. There are times that things don't go as planned. Working as a freelancer often means that an employer can request a dancer to do anything beyond the scope of their contract, which is often short and limited in language beyond pay, status, and expectation. Any dancer should be aware that they are expected to act submissively on most occasions. But as a freelancer, one can't be afraid to have aggressive moments. Work aggressively to find work and protect your comfort and needs, but keep a close gauge on managements responses and reactions to help maintain a good working relationship. In the end, if conditions are bad enough that you feel the need to play the aggressive card too often, it is likely that you won't be returning to dance for that employer again in the future.

Submissive dancers in the front - Aggressive dancer in the back

Doing your taxes as an independent contractor

Elizel Long & me rehearsing Amy Seiwert's Monuments (Photo: Gutierrez Photography)

I was having a conversation last night over food and drink about freelancing with a dancer who has essentially been my main partner since I began this season with Alaska Dance Theatre. As Elizel Long (pictured above) and I were eating dinner, a live band sang "Ring of Fire" by Johnny Cash, which we performed a duet to in ADT's last program. After a few memories and laughs, we got back down to business and continued to discuss what it was like to work as a freelancer in the US. Elizel only moved to the US a year ago. Since she was born in South Africa and spent much of her still young career with the Rambert Dance Company in London, she must quickly figure out the contemporary dance scene in the US to find work and keep her career moving forward. As we approached the end of our meal, I mentioned that she should save her receipt. Her eyes flashed back at me with an inquisitive look. I explained to her that a lot of our conversation was spent explaining how to go about freelancing, who to contact, and how her new website I helped set her up with can be used to promote herself. Now that she is gearing up to work as a freelance dancer, this dinner was clearly a business dinner and can be written off for tax purposes.

There have been many lessons I have had to learn over the past year as a freelancer. One of the bigger items on that list would be saving, documenting, and preparing for my taxes. Freelancers most frequently work as independent contractors. Essentially, I think of myself as my own business. Being an independent contractor means you are not hired by a company as an employee. They are not responsible for you even though they are handing you a paycheck. Essentially, it would be the equivalent to hiring a professional to remodel your kitchen. You pay them directly for their services, but you are not responsible for their health insurance, worker's compensation, unemployment, and you don't have to take taxes out of their pay.

How do you know if you are an independent contractor? First, take a look at your contract (which you should always read extensively prior to signing). There should be a clause in the agreement that clearly states, "Contractor is not an employee," or something along the lines of,"Barry Kerollis is not an employee of (organization)." A requirement of companies who hire independent contractors is that they provide a "1099" tax form prior to the first pay period, which only needs to be reported (and paid taxes towards) if you make more than $600. This form tells the government that you are not an employee and that taxes will not be taken out of your paycheck. In other words, it will be your responsibility to save a portion of your salary and pay these taxes yourself.

One important piece of information that I had not been aware of was that an independent contractor is expected to pay estimated quarterly taxes every 3 months. The IRS expects you to estimate how much you will work based off of the previous year and pay that amount in taxes by the 15th every third month. For me, I had only worked in freelancing for a short period of time prior to the 2012 tax year. I had no idea what I should pay. Much of my work pops up last minute, so I don't have a good gauge of what my take-home pay is going to be more than a few weeks to months in advance.  If you don't pay enough into your quarterly taxes prior to January 15th of the following year, you can be penalized a certain percentage on top of what you owe when you pay your yearly taxes in April. In the end, you won't know if you hit the mark until you file your taxes.

More information that I have only recently learned is that outside of your federal (national) taxes, you have to pay taxes in each state where you worked and earned more than $600. For instance, I live in Philadelphia, PA and outside of my home-state taxes, I worked as an independent contractor in Rhode Island, Delaware, New York, Virginia, and South Carolina. This means that I must file taxes in each of these states. That adds up to about $30-$60 per state just to file, not including the actual taxes that I owe. It is also important to note that the government enforces a self-employment tax for independent contractors. The purpose of this tax is to take care of social security and medicare that would typically be taken out of your paycheck by an employer. If you signed a W-2 form when you were hired, you are considered an employee of that company. Even if you have a short term contract, often deemed seasonal, you can be considered an employee. In this instance, taxes will be taken out of your paycheck and you don't have to worry about the self-employment tax. Be sure that you are aware which status your employer has hired you as.

Since you are likely hired as an independent contractor, and not an employee, as a freelancer, it is more important than ever to keep very detailed and deliberate track of all of your spending. To offset the costs of filing in different states and the self-employment tax, it will be necessary for you to save all of your receipts and to keep track of all of your spending. I like to use two Excel spreadsheets that I have created. One is set up to document the employers I work for, the dates that they pay me, how much they pay me, and whether taxes have been taken out or not. The other one includes detailed information about deductions, which I can back up with receipts that I have saved and filed.

There are a handful of items that you can write off as business expenses. Always keep an eye out for items/services that can be used to offset how much you owe, but be sure to make sure that they are for legitimate expenses. I write off any costs that I incur for taking class or working out to stay in tip-top shape. These expenses include open dance classes, yoga, gym memberships, pilates, and any other equipment I purchase to stay in shape for my work as a freelancer. Another cost that is important to document is physical maintenance. Physical maintenance is any service or item purchased to keep your body in top performing order. You can write-off medical and chiropractic care, massage, acupuncture, epsom salts, muscle care (arnica gel, tiger balm, icy hot, etc), or anything else, within reason, pertaining to the care of your instrument. You can deduct the cost of apparel for your work as well. If you purchase tights, leotards, warm-ups, dance shoes, or sneakers to cross-train in, be sure to keep track of these expenses. I also keep track of my spending when it comes to dance enrichment. Keeping up-to-date, researching companies for possible future work, and inspiring choreography are all a part of my business. If I see a performance or purchase a dance publication, I consider these important parts of cultivating my business and finding work. If you teach or choreograph, you can write off any music that you purchase and use in class or performance. If you attend auditions, travel and meals can be included on your expense list. Also be sure to keep track of your travel, parking, and gas expenses while freelancing. I often have to pay for my own parking if a car is provided for me during performance weeks, as city parking is almost never free. If you purchase thank you or merde gifts, you can only write-off each purchase up to $25. One of the clearest write-offs would include direct business expenses. For instance, I can write off my personal website, business cards, and other related expenses. If you are working from your home or conducting business on your cell phone/email accounts, you can write off a portion of your rent, phone, and internet bills. I also keep track of any major losses. For instance, I was hired by a competition to teach at their convention. Thirty six hours prior to the convention, they emailed me without apology and told me that they lost their space for my workshop and wouldn't need my service. Since I had already booked this time, and given the short notice, there was no way that I could make up the lost income that this company caused. Lastly, as I stated at the beginning of this post, dinners where work is discussed with the intention of action taking place can be written-off. I always write directly on the receipt what was discussed for my records. You can't just sit at dinner and gossip about happenings at work for it to be considered a business dinner. In last night's case, I helped Elizel obtain a website and gave her direct contacts to research, emails, and advice to look for work. There was a clear and concise passing of information. Make sure that you keep clear records of the location that each of these expenses took place. You will need to write off these expenses in the state that they occurred.

Mom, myself, and her friend in the lobby of the Joyce Theater in NYC after I performed there in 2010

I have been lucky that my lovely mother has done my taxes for me every year aside from this current one. After doing my taxes since I was 18 and having done them last year with returns in 4 states, she realized that the extent of my return this year would be too overwhelming. I was strongly considering doing my own taxes this year, but the prospect of working as an employee with 2 companies and freelancing/teaching with at least 10 others was daunting. I am lucky enough that a member of my extended family is an accountant and willing to help me out. Otherwise, I would probably spend days working with TurboTax to figure out whether I owe money or will be receiving that giant return that we all dream of. I know that the deadline to finish our taxes is near, but I hope this posting helps to clear up any confusion you may have while filing. And if it is too late, it is always helpful to have a better understanding of how the tax system works and how to minimize the amount of money you have to pay in taxes through deductions of your business expenses.

Staying in the loop

Once you stake a claim on your own little part of the dance world by becoming a freelancer, you will come to realize that, at times, you will feel more connected to the dance world than ever. On the flip-side, you will find that there are times when you feel more disconnected from dance-happenings than ever. I pass from extreme to extreme. Throwing my Contact event back in October gave me an opportunity to feel closely connected to many artists. But spending three months in Alaska, for instance, watching friend's Facebook and Twitter feeds filled with performance photos and merde wishes can make me feel that all of the excitement of the dance world is flying by thousands of miles from the epicenter of my career. I don't want to fall behind the mark. I don't want to walk into a conversation without an understanding of what is current. I don't want to stop expanding my experience as a dancer. So, I find ways to stay up-to-date on happenings in the dance world.

The art of dance is always evolving. Even when companies are putting masterful classics on their stages, the dancers who dance these works have different training, personalities, and styles that keep even the oldest of works fresh and exciting. One important aspect of the work a freelance dancer must commit to is keeping up with current happenings in their art. The dance world is wildly interconnected and people are more compelled to develop a relationship with you if they can relate to you through common bonds and interests. Dance is already a common bond, so it just needs to be cultivated. The other reason to stay up-to-date is because it improves your ability to market yourself and to search for work.

Important pieces of information to seek in your research include companies and their current programming, who is dancing where, and how companies are being perceived by the public. I find that I spend much of the summer scanning company websites to see which works they have chosen to put on during their coming season. It is always interesting to see trends and to analyze why they are happening. For instance, my first season as a professional with Houston Ballet, everybody was performing Balanchine works. If you weren't in the know, you could easily deduce that there was a reason that so many companies were performing his choreography. The reasoning? If Balanchine were still alive, it would have been his 100th birthday. This was the perfect reason to celebrate the choreographer and put his work on nearly every major and minor ballet company's stage. This season I have been quite intrigued by the multitude of companies that have restaged or premiered a new version of Stravinsky's Rite of Spring (one of my favorite pieces of music EVER!). I am not

Freshly painted for Tetley's "Rite of Spring" with PNB

aware of the reasoning behind this trend and maybe it will show its' face in the years to come. But it is likely that one company performed this work last season and the company had great ticket sales. Perhaps, a combination of one director's love for this work and the hype of one company's good fortune in the past year or so caught the attention of directors across the country. Or in the case of current up-and-coming New York City Ballet choreographer and newly-promoted soloist, Justin Peck, who recently created a piece for NYCB to rave reviews. He had one successful piece with a handful of promising write-ups and now everybody wants a piece of the pie. Miami City Ballet has already tagged their name onto his fresh success and mentioned that he was working with the company on social media. A few days after posting, they mentioned that he was working on a collaboration with only two dancers from the company. Nonetheless, they wanted to ride on this young choreographer's coat tails. But this is the beginning of a trend and I would put money down that he will be working with multiple companies over the next few years.

My reasoning for constantly checking rosters of dancers hired by companies is three-quarters professional and one-quarter personal. As I mentioned earlier, the dance world is quite small. It is easy to lose touch with friends and former peers. It is not uncommon for dancers to transition between a handful of companies as their careers evolve. I like to keep up with the whereabouts of my friends and to see how successful they have become. But on the professional side of things, it is interesting and helpful to see what kind of dancers directors are looking to hire. Rosters are usually updated somewhere between August and October prior to season opening performances. Scouting out information on dancers, their training, and their experience can help me gauge where I am in my career, where I want to go, where I should seek out work, where I shouldn't waste energy, and much more. You can also see whether a company is entering a transitional period, which may mean that they are more likely to hire freelancers as they regroup. Aside from company websites, I feel it is important to check out features in Pointe Magazine, Dance Magazine, Dance International, and Dance Spirit to see which dancers are being pushed into the spotlight. It is not uncommon for me to perform a Youtube search on these dancers to see how they dance. If I am isolated for a handful of months on a freelancing gig, this is the perfect way to inspire myself. I can look for qualities that I appreciate and take them on as corrections or goals in my everyday class and rehearsals. As dancers, I feel that we are most inspired by other dancers. I don't know one professional that began dancing because they saw a choreographer working. They were inspired by a dancer, who happened to be compelling dancing the work of a choreographer.

Performing my own work - Philly Fringe Fest(Photo:Bill Hebert)

One of the biggest challenges for me throughout my career has been to put less focus on a review/opinion and worry more about how I felt during a performance. This can be a challenge because most dancers want to see their name with stars around it. This is also harder because I have become good friends with a few reviewers for major dance publications with whom I love having lively discussions about performances we have seen. All of that aside, I find it extremely important to see how an educated audience is perceiving the growth or decline of companies. Of course, any review I read is viewed with a grain of salt and with the understanding that it is one individual's (or their small circle's) opinion. But reading multiple reviews of companies and their dancers can give me important information pertaining to what is intriguing, current, off-kilter, compelling, and beyond. Also, the more interest there is in a rising company, the more likely they are to have a multitude of reviews. I know that a performance is being given great weight if New York reviewers are sent away from their hometown to review a company's performance.

Now that I have explained all of the reasons one should stay up-to-date on all things dance, what are the best ways to stay current. First and foremost, staying in touch with your dancing friends. I find a ton of information through phone calls, Facebook/Twitter feeds, and messaging back and forth. If you don't have many friends that are involved in the professional dance world, you can follow dancers that you look up to on Twitter. Beyond that, I regularly check company websites. As I stated above, dancer rosters are typically updated between August and October. Most companies make announcements for their upcoming seasons between March and May. Many also have a press section on their website, where recent reviews and press releases are listed. I frequent the links section of Ballettalk. Each day, this site's administrators post links to reviews and stories in publications about companies large and small. Reviews and features are also posted in Pointe magazine, Dance Magazine, Dance International, Dance Spirit, and other respectable publications. If you know exactly what you are looking for, go to Google and type directly into the search box.

It is easy to fall out of touch with happenings in the dance world. If you don't put in the work to stay up-to-date, you may get behind and fall out of the loop. I always tell people that freelancing is a lot of work. Aside from dancing, teaching, marketing myself, and writing this blog, I put forth great effort in keeping up with current events. Although I am genuinely curious about what is happening out there, the time spent researching these items is work. I consider it a part of my job to put in a great deal of time doing this research. And to be completely honest, it really pays off.

The Mental Game of Freelancing

Look who was recently featured on renowned photographer Jordan Matter's "Dancers Among Us" Facebook page. Although my image didn't make the final cut into his New York Times Bestseller, I was also featured in his blog during the creation of this beautiful book. Being photographed by this man was a wildly unforgettable experience and I hope to be a part of his future projects.

Performing w/Alaska Dance Theatre in Duran's "Cash & Cline" (Photo: Gutierrez Photgraphy)

Now that I've got that out, moving on to this weeks' posting. I have a handful of topics that I want to write about this week, but I always feel more compelled to write on subjects that directly relate to things/emotions I am currently experiencing. One subject that I find comes up most often in conversation with my freelancing friends is whether or not we want to continue freelancing. Finding work on the fly is not only stressful, but often poses the threat of career, relationship, and financial disaster. While these fears are always looming in the back of every freelancers mind, we continue to dance because we love it and we continue to freelance in order to sustain ourselves. A combination of passionate (and sometimes blind) drive and fear for survival often cause nomadic dancers to swing back and forth between the choices of continuing freelancing, finding more stable company work, or quitting altogether.

I have discussed this in past posts and want to revisit the reasons that most dancers begin freelancing. A large amount of people who freelance do so because they were not able to obtain a job with a full-time company. Often, this is due to the fact that they just weren't in the right place at the right time or they were fresh out of school and still developing as a dancer. Another reason that many people start freelancing is because they feel that they have reached a certain point in their career with a company and want to go out on their own to find more fulfilling work. There are also people, like me, who were thrust out into the world of freelancing against their will. After spending a handful of months dancing with a company that I left PNB to join, I became injured during a rehearsal. Details aside, the young company broke my contract when I tried to take time off to heal because they didn't want to support an injured dancer. This happened in the middle of the company's season and right at the end of audition season. I was injured and couldn't get better in time to make myself presentable for company auditions. And at the same time, I didn't want to move from the city that I had just moved to only months before. Thus, I began healing and set out to become an established freelancer. Other reasons for freelancing include change of location for non-career reasons, short seasonal company contracts, and more.

Looking at the list above, you can see that freelancers become who they are for more reasons that are out of their control than those in their control. For those of us that didn't make the choice to freelance, aside from the fact that we knew we wanted dance to continue as the focus of our careers, it can become easy to start questioning the track of our career. Many dancers enter freelancing with a clear intention of joining a company in the future. But as you become more popular in your field and hold a busier schedule, the line blurs and the tendency is to flip-flop between company aspirations and the never-ending quest for the next gig. At what point do you know that you are ready to commit to another season as a freelancer or to start prepping for audition season?

There are many stresses involved in the art of freelancing that can push you in different directions. Dance/work-related stresses include (and are not limited to) finding work, staying in shape, quality of work, continuing to grow as an artist, feeling fulfilled in the work you are doing, and feeling like your value is represented by treatment and pay. Personal stresses include (among others) location, time away from home, works' affect on personal relationships, financial survivability, and work-life balance. Seeking to attain some sort of balance of these stresses can make it very difficult to make the conscious decision to continue freelancing. If a dancer chooses to take a two month gig across the country, how will that decision affect their two year relationship that they are leaving behind at home? Or if a dancer chooses only to seek work with academies and schools because the pay is greater than company work, how does that affect their feelings of fulfillment and growth? What if a dancer risks all of the stresses that are important to them only to find that the work they accepted is not up to par with what they had been expecting? Freelancing is a difficult choice because it carries such great risk and affects much more than your work-life.

Performing "La Esmeralda" at gala (Photo: Dmitri Papadakos)

While I have had some experiences that have brought me to some low places on my list, I have also had my fair share of great highs throughout my career in freelancing. One of my biggest goals I had hoped to accomplish during my dance career was to travel and see the world through my work. I couldn't do that in the companies I was dancing for full-time. I also found out that I have a lot more respect for myself as a classical ballet dancer after performing in a gala for a gig. This was an opportunity that I wouldn't have been offered while dancing at PNB, where I was pigeon-holed into the role of a contemporary specialist. While some of my freelancing experiences have made me feel less than valuable, many more have built my confidence to new levels and offered me experiences that weren't offered to me in my life as a company dancer.

Looking at these abridged lists of stressors that can affect your career as a freelancer, it becomes quite clear that there is great push and pull in the mind of a freelance dancer. At what point does a nomad choose to find more stable living? When does the choice to live wild versus living a normal life become too overwhelming to continue? Obviously, I am not in a place to tell people what their breaking point may be, but I can at least open up this topic for discussion on this forum and let people know that it is absolutely normal to question living the gypsy life. It is in every freelance dancer's best interest to constantly assess their needs, fulfillment, and happiness in order to remain healthy, stay at the top of their game, and to live a sustainable/enjoyable lifestyle. With all of these things in consideration, the mental games that freelancing presents are much easier to understand.