Summer Break

A month ago, a close friend since my time at the School of American Ballet suggested the idea that I begin to slow down my work here on Life of a Freelance Dancer. When the words left his lips, I nodded my head as I listened. But I was hardly in agreement as my nod may have suggested. My initial reaction was to internally scoff at the idea. But the seed had been planted and the timing ironic. Something is wrong with my blog and it all started about a year ago. Online bots and crawlers flooded my pages with thousands of views a day, essentially erasing all data I was using to judge what content was relevant and wanted versus personal and unhelpful. When this happened, I used a certain line of code in an attempt to interrupt these false views. It took nearly four months for my data to normalize. But in the process, I forgot that I had input that code. Then, a glaring and shocking reminder struck me about a month ago. Google stopped referring all traffic to Life of a Freelance Dancer (which is the job of a few of the crawlers that weren't spamming me), bringing viewership down to numbers I haven't seen since the first months of posting on here. Timing is everything, and with my friend's suggestion, an overwhelming summer schedule, and my first bout of crippling writer's block setting in, I began to struggle with my purpose in continuing to write beyond my vast plethora of 190 posts.

Fast forward to this week. As I have mentioned on here before, I try to see a counselor (as I think everybody, especially in this crazy dance world, should) a few times a month to help me assess, manage, and live my best life. This week's solo session seemed pretty run of the mill. I had rehearsal for my new work with CelloPointe at New York Theatre Ballet until 2 pm, dashed to the Bolt Bus, and made it home just in time to stop by the gym before my appointment. I know this sounds abnormal, but abnormal has become my new normal. I walked into my appointment prepared to discuss a few things. One being a lack of motivation, which strongly included writing content on here. We had discussed slowing down my posting here the week prior and I was struggling with the idea. As we explored my reluctance to essentially "put the pen down" for the summer, I was caught extremely off-guard when I found myself in tears.

I have been through a lot since the inception of this blog. I began writing it depressed, scared, and injured at my first gig as a full-time freelancer after suffering one of the greatest traumas of my life. I've shared my story on here, I've documented my growth, I've shown my highs and lows, and I have expressed the deepest parts of my self and career for the world to read from the privacy of their own computers. This blog has changed my life. But more than anything, living the life of a freelance dancer, this journal has been the the only reliable, constant in my life since April of 2012 (other than my husband). When I hadn't been home for more than 7 weeks in 4 years, I had this outlet. When I felt like I had lost all of my friends to be successful and work enough to pay my bills, I had this platform to comfort myself and talk my way through it. When I chose to step off the stage, instead of having a final performance, I wrote about my experience on here. As I laughed through tears in this session exclaiming, "I can't believe I'm crying over a stupid blog," it all became clear that this has become more than just a computer screen and letters assembled into words into thoughts into posts. It has been a confidante, a shoulder to lean on, and a listening ear, even while alone in hotel rooms, eating by myself at airport restaurants, and sitting in other people's homes up to 4,000 miles away from my own home.

So, here we are today, as I sit in Lincoln Center across from the Metropolitan Opera House writing to all of you. I have only felt more inspired to write on a few other occasions. Honestly, I'm afraid to do this, but I know I have to. I haven't taken an extended break from Life of a Freelance Dancer in over 5 years (which sounds insane to me). I would be lying if I told you I'm not nervous about it. But I am going to step away from posting on here throughout the rest of the summer to focus on my choreography, teaching, podcasting, seeking additional work (including the aforementioned and professional writing opportunities), and more all in preparation for our October move to New York City. I know I can continue pumping out content on here. But there is nothing more important than feeling inspired to do so. Additionally, I need to assess, at this point, if I have gained all that I can from writing on here or if it offers me more purpose. I love giving to all of you, my faithful readers. But I need to make sure that this is working for me personally, emotionally, and career-wise.

I hope that you all understand. I will continue to produce my podcast and will leave my current teaching schedule for the summer below if you want to learn from me, hear some of my thoughts, or meet me in person. Please do feel compelled to leave me a comment on here, via my website contact page, or on Facebook if you have anything you'd like to share with me about your experience with Life of a Freelance Dancer. And, who knows, maybe I will be inspired to write an update or two on here throughout the summer. I just need to give myself permission not to for awhile.

Thank you for your understanding and support. And, more than anything else, thank you for reading! And to those of you I have interacted with online or in-person, thank you for telling me that my work has helped you and for sharing your own personal stories with me. It has inspired me so very greatly! Enjoy the sunshine and I hope to see you soon! (And if you want to catch up on previous posts, click here to review the LoFD archives)

MY SUMMER TEACHING SCHEDULE (as of 6/13)

Steps on Broadway:
Advance Intermediate Ballet - Monday, Wednesday Friday - 2:30 pm - 6/12 - 7/31 (most dates)
Intermediate Contemporary - Friday - 6 pm - 7/21, 7/28, 8/4
Advance Intermediate Contemporary - Sunday - 3:30 pm - 7/23, 7/30, 8/6

Broadway Dance Center:
Advance Beginner Ballet - Friday - 6 pm - All Summer
Basic Ballet - Sunday - 6 pm - All Summer

Summer Intensive (for pre-professional students):
Greenwich Ballet Academy - 6/27 - 8/18

Contemporary Ballet - Choreography Residency:
Nickerson-Rossi Dance - Knauer Theatre - West Chester, PA - 8/7 - 8/11


Master Classes:
Uptown Dance Company & School - Houston, TX (TBA - between 8/20 - 8/30)


(Please be sure to check open class schedules before attending, as there are a few dates that I will be out of town)

 

8 Way to Renew Your Inspiration

Whether you are dancing in a full-time company or have taken to running your career on your own as a freelancer, there will be times that you may feel like you are losing your motivation. Sometimes, it can be a slow period when it comes to casting and, at other times, it can be the challenge of finding inspiring work. There are many experiences throughout a dancer's development that can push oneself off track to enjoying a sustained and successful career. Often, dancers just need a new perspective or experience to get them on the right track to building and growing their passion. Below I've listed a handful of ways that I have given my dance career motivation a shot in the arm.

- Youtube:

One of the best innovations to change the dance world was the creation of Youtube. Now, I know that this social media platform which focuses on short videos was never meant to specifically work as a venue for dance, but it has surely changed people's access to quality dance footage. When I was a kid, if I wanted to seek inspiration, I either had to raid my dance teacher's video cabinet or look at still pictures of dancers in periodicals. Today, if I want to see an inspiring performance or check out a specific artist, but don't have the money to pay for tickets or travel, I can easily search for the most inspiring performances online.

- Mentors:

Climbing mountains w/close friend & mentor, Boyd Bender

One thing I know for sure is that I would never have had a career if it weren't for a handful of very special adults that took interest in offering me opportunities and advice in my journey from pre-professional to professional. While I am now a full-fledged adult and completely in charge of my own career, when times get hard I know who to turn to. Maybe it was your first dance teacher, a former dancer, a former colleague, a random arts connection you met at a donor party, or a multitude of other people. These people are often the best to turn to for inspiration, as they probably have inspired you many times in the past.

- See a show:

This one can be tricky. A few months ago, a friend asked me if I was going to see a certain performance. I told them, "No. Being injured and seeing a show would probably only be depressing." Well, a few weeks later, I finally decided to see a dance performance and was really glad I had done so. Very few dancers were inspired to have a career without having seen some type of professional performance. If you are feeling a little uninspired, dress up, grab a drink, and go be a spectator in the audience. It may help you find the inspiration you are looking for. 

- Take class from a new teacher:

Sometimes, a lack of inspiration is purely situational. This can happen a lot when you are dancing in a full-time company, taking from the same instructors all the time. When I was a kid, I used to take class from multiple teachers a week. Then I would leave for the summer and have a whole new set of teachers. Add in master classes, summer program auditions, and pre-performance warmups, I had a variety of options to take class. Often, in a company, the instructor options are very few, especially if you live outside of New York City. Many dancers won't leave company class because they are afraid that the Artistic Staff will think that the dancer isn't taking class. If you don't live in New York City, where it is common to go to Steps on Broadway to warm up for your day, do some research about instructors and classes offered in your area. If you are concerned about your boss being upset, maybe try out their class on a day off. Often, a dancer only needs a new perspective to gain new inspiration.

 - Hang out with dance friends:

If inspiration is lacking, sometimes you need to be reminded of who you are. There is no better way to do this than to spend some time with friends who are involved in and equally passionate about your art form. Whether you are sitting and talking about dance or just enjoying the energy of other artists around you, your friends will understand and inspire you to continue growing.
  
- Take class in a new style:

When dancers are students, they often dabble in a multitude of different dance styles. As a youth, I remember thoroughly enjoying differing styles of dance, like Salsa, Flamenco, African, Hip Hop, Irish Step and more. Then we become professionals and we tighten up greatly. One thing I have found, as a pro, is that once we become very good in a niche of our art, we become afraid to step out of that niche and do something that we aren't as good at. Young students have no problem throwing themselves into a class and looking/feeling imperfect. But professional adult dancers tend to stay in their own style and fear looking bad in another. Well, give that up and run to a dance studio to take a hip-hop class or a salsa class. New inspiration is rarely found on a one-way road that you drive down day after day.

- Visit New York City:

This may not be a possibility if you are on a tight budget or live too far away, but a nice visit to New York City is often enough to light that fire that every dancer feels when they visit the Dance Capitol of the World. A few weeks ago, when I was having a less than inspiring time trying to figure out my injury, I hopped on a bus to spend a few days in this amazing city. Almost every professional dancer has some connections here. You can accomplish essentially every topic listed in this post in a short trip. Walk around, feel the vibe, see a show, take from a new teacher, try a new style, hang out with dance friends, and so much more. A trip to New York City is like drinking a few shots of espresso all at once!

- Take a few weeks off:

If all else fails, maybe you just need to take a few weeks off from your art. If you don't have the funds to do this, either start saving or ask around for random, small jobs (Task Rabbit, Craigslist, friends&family, etc.) that may be able to support you so you can take that break. Don't take a few weeks off without a plan to reenter the dance world because it may lead to more time off than you planned, which may be more damaging to this cycle. Plan how you will occupy some of your time and don't put the physical and mental stress that dancers are known to place upon themselves. If you do this appropriately and effectively, you'll come back hungry for more. As they say, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."