In the spirit of the holidays - Part 2 (12 of my favorite moments)

Smedley St in south Philly

For the second installation of my In the spirit of the holidays blog series, I will be sharing a collection inspired by the 12 Day of Christmas. In the spirit of this holiday, I am offering up 12 of my favorite moments while freelancing this year. I'm not really sure why there are 12 days of Christmas in the song (they never taught that in Hebrew school), but what the hell! Here we go!

Rehearsing Othello with PNB soloist Lindsi Dec

1. Dancing Cassio's solo/duet with Iago in Alaska Dance Theatre's Othello. Beyond the fact that Gillmer Duran created this piece on former OBT principal Artur Sultanov and me, he asked for a lot of personal input, making this creation a meaningful collaboration. I've been known to dive into a character, but I have rarely been given the opportunity to portray a character dealing with great internal struggle. Everytime I left the stage at the end of this solo/duet, I felt like I had walked offstage not as an image of Shakespeare's character, but as Cassio himself.

2. Having the opportunity to dance as a principal guest artist with Rochester City Ballet in Leverett's The Nutcracker. I have danced the grand pas de deux in The Nutcracker multiple times with schools as a guest artist, but never with a professional company. Throughout my career, I sat in the wings in my Spanish, Russian, Chinese, and Marzipan costumes watching other dancers who had the opportunity to perform along with live orchestra to this iconic piece of music with balconies of theatre-goers falling into the holiday spirit. This was my first time performing the grand pas while leading a company of professionals. On top of that, I got to reconnect with an old friend, Jessie Tretter, whom I had met nearly ten years ago when I was an apprentice with Houston Ballet and she was in the academy. All-around an incredible experience!

3. Being accepted into people's homes as if I was a part of their family. Two of my favorite experiences this year happened far away from home. Anchorage first, then Providence. I had many great host family experiences this year, but these two topped the cake. I was nervous to spend 5 weeks in Anchorage, let alone in a strangers house. This was my first time spending more than a week or so in somebody's space. My Alaska host's were kind, generous, and, most importantly, spatially aware. They gave me a warm home, great conversation, and plenty of space to feel like I had my privacy. My Providence host family didn't know it, but they came into my life just when I needed them. I had recently experienced a great loss and was desperately in need of support and a nurturing environment. We spent so many hours sitting around the kitchen sharing stories, debating topics, and just being familial. My host mother was an amazing chef, my host father was such a gentle spirit, and my host sister was too witty to pass up on a conversation. Her adopted big brother is proud of her progress at the Joffrey Ballet's trainee program since her graduation weeks after I left.

Driving down the streets of Anchorage

4. Moose, glaciers, and 140 inches of snow (all-time record breaking snow). Freelancing brought me many places this past year. I left PNB in part because I wanted to see more of the world while performing. I haven't made it anywhere international quite yet, but getting to dance in Alaska was like visiting another country. I think I took nearly 1,000 photos during my 5 weeks in the last great frontier. When I tell people I went to Alaska in January, most people cringe. My words…Don't knock it til you try it! I had such an amazing experience in Alaska. Yes, the sun was out for about 5 hours, but by the time I left, it was out for nearly 8 hours. Yes, it was -15 degrees the first day I arrived, but other days it was nearly 40. Beyond the dancing, Alaska was just an all-around warm experience!

5. Getting to visit NYC dozens of times. I was raised in the suburbs of Philadelphia. By the time I was 15, I was taking the train to NYC regularly to take classes. By the time I was 18, I was living and training at the School of American Ballet. Once I moved to Houston, then even further to Seattle, my love affair with New York was put on hold. After a year or two in Seattle, I started to miss NYC more than you could imagine. Not only did I miss the city and it's energy, but I missed the connections and the feeling of community in the dance scene. Now that I am living in Philly again (in the city this time), I can easily decide on Friday that I want to go into the city on Saturday, buy a cheap bus ticket, and make a spontaneous trip to my second home.

My first time at the Boston Opera House

6. Getting to see Boston Ballet and the National Ballet of Canada for the first time. I am not the kind of person to arrive in a new place and sit on my ass. If you bring me to Paris, Im gonna go see London, too. I have always wanted to see both of these companies perform live. I have seen the dancers of Boston Ballet, as I took company class there and was offered a contract to dance with Boston Ballet 2 (I took a corps contract with PNB instead). Surprisingly, I never got to see the company dance. My friend, James Whiteside (former BB principal, current ABT soloist, and JBdubs by night) was able to get me tickets to see the company perform in Don Quixote. Since I was only an hour train ride away in Providence, I was able to see the company dance. It was a very special performance for me, as Misa Kuranaga and Jeffrey Cirio danced the leads. Misa was my partner in our workshop performance at the School of American Ballet (I hadn't seen her dance live since) and Jeffrey is the brother of my friend, BB principal, and LOFD guest blogger, Lia Cirio (he was also promoted backstage to principal at the conclusion of this performance). I also got to see many friends that I have trained and danced with over the years perform. As for NBOC, the company has always had an air of mystery to me. You always hear about how amazing the company is, but most people I know have never seen these foreigners dancers. While dancing with Rochester City Ballet, Jessie was able to get free passes for us to see a dress rehearsal of Christopher Wheeldon's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. Not only have I been dying to see the company, but I have also been dying to see this production. We barely made it to the show in time, but after a 4-hour jaunt across the border we got to see this luxurious production. The company definitely lived up to its' expectations and the production was amazing. I also got to reconnect with another old friend from my time in Houston Ballet, Mcgee Maddox (currently a first soloist with the company).

7. Throwing my networking event for freelancers, Contact. I am relatively new to freelancing, only having entered this world full-time back in April. I have learned a lot quickly and grown my network just as quick. One thing I realized as I started getting in the flow of this blog was that people were starting to look up to me for my knowledge, experience, and clout. After I recognized this, I decided that I wanted to do something about it. Along with my good friend, Bennyroyce Royon, we were able to put together an extremely successful event, in two weeks no less.

Dan at Niagara Falls on our day trip from Rochester

8. Getting to bring my partner along with me to share in my new experiences. My partner, Dan, and I have been together for quite some time (it will be 7 years come January). He has been so amazingly supportive of my career since we got together. So much that he quit his job, picked up our life, and moved across the country for it. Little did we expect that moving across the country would eventually mean that I wouldn't always be working in one place. But still he has been beyond supportive the entire time. One of the best parts about me traveling so much is that I often take him along with me for some time. He came for a handful of days to Anchorage, Providence, and Rochester. So, not only do I get to see the world, but I get to bring him along for the ride, as well.

9. Dancing the La Esmeralda and Le Corsaire pas de deux in a gala. I hadn't performed a classical pas de deux onstage since 2006 when Mara Vinson (former PNB principal) and I danced the Don Quixote pas de deux in First State Ballet Theatre's Arabesque Festival gala. While dancing at PNB, my rep of leading roles mostly consisted of contemporary works. By the time I had left, I truly believed that I couldn't perform a classical pas de deux well (variations included). Well, I proved myself wrong with these performances. Now, when approached with classical work, I gladly say sure, instead of doubting myself with a demure yes.

10. Connecting with, sharing, and collaborating with amazing artists. One of the reasons I left PNB was because I felt greatly isolated from the dance world. There were great artists in the company and a few in the dance scene, but there was also a level of social climbing and social class in the small network of dancers. Beyond my event, moving to Philly and being in NYC a lot have given me great opportunities to network. The dancers are more open to wildly intriguing (sometimes bordering on nuts) possibilities. But beyond the dancers of the mid-atlantic/northeastern dance scene, those that I met at my gigs really inspired me to think in the box, out of the box, and wherever that next step is outside of that out of the box.

My very first partner, Katie Moorhead & I reconnecting at Contact

11. On the flip side from #10, reconnecting with so many old friends. Not only did I get to dance with an old friend from Houston in my travels, but I reconnected with so many more along the way. From people that I trained with to my first dance partner to teachers and people that I lived with in a dormitory, I can't even count the number of people with whom I have had the chance to reconnect. This right here has been more valuable than most of the experiences I have had in my career.

12. Creating this blog. I used to blog when I was a member of Myspace. I was in my early 20's and experiencing a lot of new things in life. I guess you could say I was a little dramatic. Well, I blogged openly about whatever I was feeling. I got a lot of criticism for it, but over a year or so I wrote over 400 blogs and had about 20,000 views. I have been meaning to start a blog again ever since Myspace exploded with spam and I quit the network, but I couldn't find the inspiration. Finally, I found something that inspires me enough to write about regularly. Since I started this blog in my Providence host family's window seat in April, it has received nearly 7,500 views, been shared by another publication, gotten me work, and inspired me to move this resource from the internet to a public place where freelancers can connect with one another.

With that said, I would like to wish each and every one of you a wonderful holiday season. And thank you to all of you who regularly read my blog! This blog is my pride and joy and I can't wait to continue writing for you in the coming year! Cheers! L'chaim!

Living with a Host Family

I hear a low rumble and there are trees flying by my sides. I hear kids screaming and I'm feeling pretty tired. Yet another engagement as a freelance dancer has come to an end. I can't help but feel nostalgic about the past 4 weeks as I glide on my way home on what is becoming a regular experience with Amtrak. The performances of Swan Lake with Festival Ballet of Providence went well. I had some memorable experiences, including about 3 minutes notice that I was dancing a featured role on opening night due to another dancer's injury. I got to see yet another dancer put an exclamation mark on a beautiful career. But the memories that I will hold dearest to me in this experience will be the ones that I shared with my host family.

Often, when I am dancing as a guest artist somewhere that isn't close to home, housing will be provided for me. There is an array of options that an employer can provide. From a hotel, to an apartment, to housing you themselves. If you will be staying for an extended period of rehearsal and performance, the most common thing to do is to place a dancer with a host family. Living with a host family requires one to be very open to new experiences and willing to adjust one's habits.

I am always a bit nervous about spending more than a couple of days with people that I have never met before. What if we don't get along? What if they have expectations of me that I can't meet? What if I need more personal space? I have found that the best thing to do before arriving for your stay is to be open about your biggest concerns with whomever is setting up your housing accommodations. For instance, I need to be positive that my host family is going to be comfortable with who I am as a person. I always request a gay-friendly household and ask that I am placed with more open-minded people. The last thing I want is to show up and find that my temporary home is not comfortable with my lifestyle. It is always slightly uncomfortable to bring up this personal information, but it is better to address it prior to arriving than to live in a bad situation for a month. I also try to make sure that my host family has wifi, as having internet access is very important to me. If you are open about what will make you most comfortable, you are more likely to have a good experience. I also try to have some direct interaction with my host family before I arrive. Before I traveled to Alaska, I skyped with my host "mother." We got to see each other and feel out our personalities. I was able to ask questions and get a quick, direct answer. If Skype isn't an option, phone, Facebook, and email are valuable tools.

So, the day has arrived and you have been traveling all day. You may be exhausted from travel and you probably want to get situated. No matter how tired I am, I always try to sit down and have an extended conversation with my hosts. They have been gracious enough to allow me to stay with them and it is good to break the ice from the start. Remember that you probably already have something in common, a passion for the arts. Ask about their relation to the organization you are dancing for, but be sure to focus on getting to know them as people, too. After we spend some time together, I try to get a acquainted with my surroundings.  If it isn't too late, I always go for a short walk around the neighborhood. I find that I can settle down faster if I have a clearer perspective of where things are. Just make sure you know how to get back home (and if it is -15 degrees outside, don't keep the code to the garage door in your phone…because it will shut down in the cold and you will have to be creative in getting back inside the house). Now that you've settled in, how do you function in your new environment?

Every person has different habits and different comforts. Try to make yourself as comfortable as possible, but be respectful that you are not in your own house. Don't walk around in your underwear. Don't go out for drinks with friends and exceed your limit. Be cautious the first couple of days and really feel out each situation. Make sure that it is clear whether you are buying your own food or if it is alright for you to scavenge the refrigerator. Also be clear if there are certain rooms that you can't enter. Try not to assume that things are a certain way. If you are unsure, it is always best to ask. Although, these things make living with a host family sound uncomfortable, in all reality, most situations turn out to be very enjoyable and you can still keep most of your habits. For instance, I am not a morning person. I don't like to talk when I have just woken up. I will have a short conversation in the morning, but not much more. As a small hint to this, if I don't have my own space to eat breakfast, drink my coffee, and go online, I will wear a hoodie with the hood up until I have sufficiently woken up. It is a gentle barrier that gives me space to be quiet and wake up. Obviously, you don't want to be rude and do this all day long, but you can find ways to feel that you have your own space.

Some host families are just providing a place for you to stay and do not require or want much interaction, while others want to accept you as one of the family. I have experienced both situations and have been comfortable with both. My most recent experience was with a wonderful and generous family in Providence, Rhode Island. They not only provided a beautiful home, but they are great 

My host family's home in Providence

people that made me feel welcome, comfortable, and like I was a part of the family. This family went above and beyond the norm to make sure that I was comfortable. Delicious home-made dinners, a ride anywhere I needed or wanted to go, support, and friendship were only a few of the luxuries that I experienced during my stay with this family. During my time in their home, they were gracious enough to share what it is like to host a dancer.

April, Lily, Jesse, Jeff, & Jacob (Lily & Jacob are Jesse's siblings)

Who are these host families that so generously open up their home and privacy to complete and total strangers? Sometimes, they are donors for the company. Sometimes their kid dances in the school. There are many reasons why a host family may take an artist in to reside with them. April and Jeff, my host "mother and father," have had a relationship with Festival Ballet of Providence (Festival) for quite a while. Their daughter, Jesse, started training in the school nearly 10 years ago. She is finishing her final year in Festival's school and will be attending the Joffrey Ballet trainee program in Chicago beginning this fall. As Jesse grew up in the organization, April became more involved with the ballet. First, volunteering to assist with shows and eventually joining the board of the company. Although, she is no longer on the board, she continues to be a great advocate for Festival. When I asked The Fam, as I call them, why they chose to host a dancer, April mentioned that one of the ballet's admins called her up to see if she knew somebody who would be willing to host a dancer. April thought "We could do that. We have an extra bedroom and are close to the studios." Jeff loves having guests at the house and wanted to be supportive of the ballet since it has been so instrumental in Jesse's development. They wanted to do what they could to help out.

The Fam had never hosted an artist before. They didn't have any major concerns about having a dancer in the house. The only minor worry was having an adult male around that they didn't know, given that Jesse is only 17 years old. After speaking with the director of Festival about me and doing some research on Facebook, they felt more than comfortable having me stay with them. Through their research, they were happy to find that we had more in common than just ballet. April also mentioned that, "All of the dancers I have met have been really great people. There is a sense of dedication and passion for something that keeps them very focused and real. I have an enormous respect for a group of people that are doing something just because they love it and have been able to ward off all other conflicting messages that this is a hard profession and just did it anyway. The dancers that I have met at Festival, I find to be very honest and very real." For these reasons, April felt very comfortable letting not a stranger, but a dancer stay in her home for a month.

April, Jeff, Jesse, and I spent a lot of time together. The meeting place of their home is a huge, self-designed kitchen. The layout makes it the perfect meeting place for the family and is a great venue for easy discussion. We enjoyed many laughs as we got to know each other and shared different experiences with one another. The time we spent together was very real and I feel that we gained a lot from each other. Jesse told me, "One thing we got from Barry staying with us is that there are many other companies outside of Festival. We have been offered a greater peak at the ballet world. I feel more educated." April also mentioned that she really enjoyed that "the common thread was the knowledge and excitement around ballet. I loved to hear about and watch performance footage that you had done.  I liked hearing about your creative process in choreography. I also appreciated hearing how you figured out how to deal with the harsh aspects of dance, like dancing in pain, expectations of companies, expectations of fellow dancers, and how you processed that and have been able to figure out how to be good with that and still be true to yourself." I gained a broader view on many things. Aside from our many passionate discussions about ballet, I gained a greater respect for family. Each family functions differently and I really respected April and Jeff's approach when it came to running their family. It was special to form a big brother bond with Jesse. I also learned that, although I am not a dog person, puppy's can be cute and I can live with one (The Fam brought a new puppy into their home two weeks into my stay).

Rosie - The Fam's new puppy

I feel we all gained a lot from this experience. Not every host family situation is as smooth as the one I just experienced. But you can drive your experience by being clear about your needs prior to arriving and being malleable to other people's ways of living once you have arrived. In the end, you can grow so much by pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and you can make lifelong friends in the process. I will close this entry with a gem of a quote that my dear Jesse left me with at the end of one of our conversations. I feel it is very inspiring for anybody that is thinking about freelancing.

"It is really nice to see dancers outside of Festival, especially because I'm going away to the Joffrey trainee program. I respect freelance dancers now and feel more comfortable and secure to leave home now that I have a bigger view of the dance world. Freelancers are brave, they could potentially be unhappy and homesick. It is nice to get to know somebody who is real and has been in the dance world outside of Festival. When I'm nervous about something, I think of my brother. Now, I feel comfortable that I can think about you when I'm nervous about going somewhere else."

Jesse & me backstage on opening night with FBP

Returning to my Roots in Providence

Festival Ballet of Providence

At the moment, I am dancing in Providence, Rhode Island with the Festival Ballet of Providence. We have finished all of our studio rehearsals and will be entering the theatre this coming week to perform Swan Lake. When I became a freelance dancer, I swore that I would never dance in the corps of a story ballet again. I also swore off the old style Russian training that helped build my foundation as a dancer. Little did I realize how valuable an experience returning to my roots would be.

The number one question I've gotten since I arrived in Providence was, "How did you end up here?" Well, my life partner is secretly (or not so secretly) a genealogy nerd and just happens to be related to the founder of Rhode Island, Roger Williams. As a Chanukkah gift, I bought us tickets to visit Providence over the holidays. While walking around the city looking for all things "Roger Williams," I was thinking to myself, "What am I going to do for this week's work search?" I remembered reading about the Festival Ballet of Providence in Dance Magazine a while back. I thought to myself, "I could work here." When I got back to our hotel room, I did some research and sent my info to the company. I think it is funny because even though I sent my information, I never expected to work in Providence, let alone 4 months later. But here I am in my third week dancing with the company.

Springtime in Providence, Rhode Island

Providence is a beautiful place during the springtime. It has a colonial city center with more suburban neighborhoods closeby.  I am staying on the eastside of the city, where it is more suburban. There are grand houses and amazing, flowery streets with trees in full blossom. It's ironic to be here during this season, as I feel like I am in my own spring awakening. When I was approached by Festival (as the dancers call the company), I was in the final stage of recovery from a back injury. I knew I wasn't strong enough to perform a leading role. I needed a place that would ease me back into shape. Festival's dancer assistant contacted me and offered for me to join the company for their production of Swan Lake to dance in the corps of the first act and a divertissement in the third act. Although my goal as a freelance dancer is to expand my repertoire and experience, this opportunity is just what I needed.

The style that Festival trains in is heavily influenced by the Vaganova syllabus. Most American ballet companies are influenced by this Imperial Russian technique, but have grown in different directions. I trained at the Kirov Academy of Ballet in Washington, D.C. and am very familiar with this technique, though, I haven't been versed in this style for nearly ten years. Vaganova classes can feel very rigid and are often extremely hard, focusing on pure technique and building strength around their ideal, regal port de bras. I tend to prefer classes that have more movement and flow. After ten years away from this style, I was reluctant to return to it. But I have been surprised to watch my strength grow over the last few weeks. My jumps are bigger, my balance is better, and I even did two clean triple tours in class the other day (something that I haven't even attempted in years). Although, I sometimes modify certain combinations to remain true to the dancer that I want to be, I try to push myself out of my comfort zone to expand my reach as a dancer.

Another aspect of my career that I didn't expect to revisit was dancing in the corps of a full length ballet. In these ballets, dancers tend to dance less while standing and gesturing more. A minimal amount of partnering and moderate level of dancing was a great crutch to ease myself back into shape after recovering from my injury. It allowed me to build strength, so that I can be fully prepared for future work. Not only that. I was given a great reminder of how enjoyable it can be to dance with a larger group of dancers. There is much more interaction in the corps and you feel like you are accomplishing something as a team, which can be harder than dancing a solo or duet. This experience has reminded me that dancing in a corps can be fulfilling and therapeutic.

All in all this experience has been greatly valuable. Not only has it given me the benefit of time and built my strength, but it has given me perspective on where I came from and where I am going. I now value my time in the corps a bit more since I am no longer dancing in it full-time. As a corps member, I felt like I was wasting my career when I should have been dancing more challenging roles. But looking back, I now remember a synergy onstage with my fellow corps members and a feeling of complete team effort. That team effort was not only a part of the job, but it was something that each of us wanted to contribute for each other. And in the end, perhaps, I will seek out those grueling Vaganova classes that I avoided for way too long. I look forward to using this experience as I pursue more challenging roles with a healthy body, new-found strength, and greater respect for my history.

Want to know more about Festival Ballet of Providence? Check out the company here: Festival Ballet of Providence