The "R" Word - Retirement

The Nutcracker (Photo: Ruth Judson)

There really are few careers out there that are as strikingly unique as a performance career in dance. Those of us lucky enough to dance for a living chose our career path somewhere between the age of teen and tween. Plenty of my peers and colleagues left middle or high school early to attend a boarding school or finished their academics online. From the lifestyle required to maintain the elite level of an athletic artist to the odd set of job requirements, there is nothing normal about the life of a dance artist. One of the most defining aspects of our careers is a word that begins with the letter "R" and is a word almost as dangerous as the name Voldemort. Like many of the most beautiful things in our world, a dance career shines brightly and quickly, then usually fades as fast as a falling star. Like putting together a last will and testament, talking about retirement feels like a daunting task. But at some point, every successful dancer will retire. And only in the rarest instances will this retirement lead one into the sunset of their lives.

Martha Graham was once quoted as saying, "A dancer dies twice." I can tell you from experience that this is one of the most credible statements that has ever been spoken about the pathway a dancer takes as they end their performance career and transition forward into the next stage of their lives. I have been told that one of my most defining attributes as a writer is my level of candor in talking about the realities of our wonderful dance world. But I don't feel that I have been completely candid about where I am as an artist today. And I finally feel that I am ready to change that.

If you have shared the journey of Life of a Freelance Dancer, you have walked hand-in-hand with me from the commencement of my career as a freelance artist. If you look back to 2014, where I posted about dealing with injury and working my way back from burn out, it was quite clear that I was working through a difficult period of my performance career. I had been traveling non-stop for 4 seasons and felt that I was beginning to forget who I was at my core. While I recovered from injury and worked to figure out how I ended up so emotionally lost, I took a job with Alaska Dance Theatre, created my own choreography project, and began working to transition my career to New York City. While I spent a great amount of time giving myself technique class at the gym and dropping in to take classes from other instructors, my performance career remained on hiatus. And, for the longest time, I didn't even know why.

Throughout this period, there were a handful of times that I found myself giving awkward explanations about the state of my career. I've been lucky enough that this blog has given me a great deal of credibility and has offered me visibility to other artists in my field. I've been approached a handful of times for work through this blog or in person from those who have read it. I felt awkward turning down these kind offers, as my persona has become understood as that of a highly sought, successful performer.

But more difficult than turning down the work was trying to find the words to explain why I was turning it down. More often than not, I would offer to pass jobs on to my peers because I didn't feel I was in appropriate shape to take on a performance at that moment. But in all honestly, I just wasn't able to bring myself to get back into a rehearsal studio.

Often, I would find myself at social events and people would ask me what I did for a living. My natural response was that I was a dancer. But as my choreography, teaching, and media career started to take off, I found myself in an awkward situation where a friend corrected me mid-conversation about my position. Sipping a glass of wine after telling a party-goer that I was a dancer, this friend interrupted me and stated, "Actually, he is a choreographer. He isn't performing anymore." I sheepishly smiled at this person and nodded my head, but what they couldn't recognize was the rush of adrenaline flooding my body. That rushing of natural chemicals flowing through my veins mimicked the feeling you might get when you receive extremely bad news; like finding out about an illness or a death. In that very moment, I was forced to come to terms with the creeping, slow death of my performance career. My body's reaction reinforced the statement I posted earlier about the death of a dancer. A dancer dies once when their career is over and again when the person passes on.

Now, I know that I was deeply affected by this experience. But like many occasions when you receive bad news, you go into denial or silently acknowledge the issue while maintaining a certain level of public mum surrounding the item. After toying around with the idea that I may be officially retiring from my performance career for many months, I finally decided to work on transitioning my career base to New York City. This transition has finally allowed me to come to terms with what I am trying to tell you. Once I finally started getting into Nancy Bielski's class on a regular basis, I began to feel my body returning to it's normal ballet shape. While I still had aches and pains from the devastating injury I experienced dancing with Oakland Ballet, I was able to maintain my body and return to class daily. A few more offers for work came to me and I graciously turned those offers down. As you also know, I've been given a handful of teaching opportunities during this time, as well. Whether at Steps on Broadway, Broadway Dance Center, or teaching master classes across the country, I have found a great deal of excitement and growth in this facet of my career. With the addition of having my choreography sought out more and seeing my media work from my blog and podcast explode, things started to become clearer and clearer.

I don't know exactly when it happened and I don't know how it happened, but in the past few months I have finally been able to say it. And maybe the reason I hadn't been able to say it was because I didn't want to admit to myself that I had already moved on. Or maybe it was because it is the only thing I have ever known since I was a young child. And while I have finally admitted it to myself and in private conversation, I still feel slightly choked up writing this post to share what this experience is like for me and may be like for you. And I promise you it's coming. And it's coming right now. I am officially retired from my performance career (and my heart is racing just typing this).

The Nutcracker (Photo: J-Ro)

Alrighty. Now that those words are out there, I'd like to elaborate a little more before signing off from this post. I have not been retired from my performance career since 2014. I really only started toying around with the idea at the beginning of 2016. I had dreams of making this big comeback. I had dreams of maybe joining a Broadway show. I had dreams of performing with Suzanne Farrell Ballet and getting to dance a Balanchine work one more time. I continued to dream of sharing my love of dance from the stage. But with the growth of my media work, the greatly positive feedback for my teaching, and the interest in my choreography, I had to give myself a bit of a reality check. I have accomplished most of what I wanted to accomplish in my performance career. I danced with two of the best ballet companies in the country in some of the greatest works by the greatest choreographers with live music in every production. Then, I self-managed a traveling career across the country performing on stages large and small. I received some level of recognition and notoriety and I feel pleased with all of that. While I feel that I could push through for another year or two, I feel that I reached my peak and will only be maintaining the same level of work that I had been doing when I became injured in 2014. At the young age of 32, I feel that if I focus my work on choreographing, teaching, and sharing my voice with the world that I can do much, much greater things and with a head start. I may perform here and there on occasions that really inspire me (coming out of retirement a la Barbara Streisand). But for the most part, I'm looking forward to focusing on my growing work and continuing to offer my advice and experiences as a freelance choreographer, educator, and dancer here on this blog. As, even in retirement, I will continue to take class and maintain being a dancer off the stage.

Going through the process of finding the strength to use the "R" word, I feel that I did go through a grieving process. I didn't have a big retirement performance to let fans fawn all over me or to gain closure. There was no exact day I can look back to for the rest of my life to call the anniversary of my retirement. But over the last few months, I suddenly became comfortable with responding to my peers and curious acquaintances questions by proudly stating, "I am a choreographer, dance educator, and advocate for the dance world through my media work." I feel that any dancer working towards or going through retirement can benefit from having something to look forward to, no matter how exciting or mundane. So, when you find yourself approaching this new life of yours, remember this. While we may no longer be on the stage to share our gifts with audiences small and large, we will always be dancers. A dancer may die two deaths, but that doesn't mean they live two lives.

(As I enter this new stage of my career, if any readers are ever interested in booking me for choreography, master classes in ballet or contemporary technique, or for speaking engagements, you are always welcome to reach me on my contact page by clicking here. I am available for local, national, and international work).

A Candid Perspective - Curate This

Performing my own choreography - Gated Lies in Philly Fringe Festival (Photo: Bill Hebert)

When I first started Life of a Freelance Dancer, I didn't really look at this venture as a way to share the strikingly honest truth about different aspects of the dance world. I was an injured, recently jobless dancer with no clue how to go about making a living as a freelance artist. Once this blog really started to take off, I began feeling the need to publicly express different career experiences I had in order to offer a real-life glimpse of the ups and downs of a dancing independent contractor. Over time, I've become that guy who is known to share his greatest achievements and darkest moments. This open-book attribute of mine has garnered me a great deal of criticism. But it has also given me a distinguished voice as an artist in a relatively silent art form and offered me exciting opportunities.

One of a few of my recent opportunities became public this week. I was asked by a lovely dancer in the Philadelphia post-modern dance scene, Mira Treatman, to write an article for a week-long series she was asked to curate on the Philadelphia arts website, Curate This. When Mira asked me to write for her week as curator, she offered a handful of topics for me to write on. The one that really jumped out for me was the subject of why I need to move my art outside of Philadelphia. Once I had chosen my topic, I spoke with Mira and stated, "I am really interested in writing this article. But I will only write it if I can be completely candid about my experience failing to make Philadelphia my artistic home." Gladly (and probably a bit nervously), she accepted my request and I moved forward to write this piece. Please be sure to click the link below to read my personal experience trying to work in the Philadelphia dance scene for 5 years and why I have spent the last 7 months transitioning my choreographic and teaching career from the birthplace of our nation to the capitol of the dance world. Enjoy!

Curate This - Crossing the Border - "Disorganization, Nepotism, and Lack of Community"

The Art of Putting Yourself Out There

An image of me up on the Steps on Broadway board (Photo: Shalem Photography)

I've been enjoying my time teaching at Steps on Broadway the past few weeks. I've had professionals in my classes from big companies to freelancers, received positive feedback from my peers and pianists, and felt a sense of fulfillment in my career that I've been lacking for some time. (Side note: I'm also guest teaching Intermediate Contemporary at Broadway Dance Center the next two Sundays, August 7 & 14,  from 7:30-9 PM. Come join me)  Recently, an old acquaintance offered me their compliments expressing how difficult it can be to break into an established institution like this great school. This got me thinking. While I still have a lot to do in order to get to where I want to be, it took a lot of hard, strategic work to gain the positions and experience I have had in my career. It has been a combination of effort, luck, and timing. But none of this stuff would have ever been possible if I hadn't figured out how and when to put my information out there most effectively.

There are a handful of challenges when it comes to putting yourself out there. First off, are you properly prepared to put out your best product? Also, are you following the appropriate channels of communication to get an "in" with a choreographer or director? Other things to consider include whether offering yourself up with less experience will invalidate future attempts to obtain work, if you have enough time to put true effort into your endeavors if the opportunity materializes, and whether the timing is right for you to push yourself out and forward in your career field. When thrusting oneself out of their comfort zone, all of these things need to be taken into consideration in order to build or better one's career and life.

The first thing to consider when pushing yourself in a new direction is whether you are properly prepared to accept the position if it actually offered it; whether it be trying out for that big Broadway show, seeking out a company class audition, or applying for that prestigious teaching position. We all have big dreams and career hopes. But if you aren't in a place to fully commit to and appropriately handle the work stresses that come with a specific job, it may not be the best time for you to apply for that position or audition for a new company or show. Especially for dancers, this can be a challenging one since you don't always know what you're getting yourself into until you're in the studio or on the stage. It is important to consider your training, attitude, mindset, and commitment abilities when putting oneself out there. You don't want to get the job before you're mentally or physically ready and fall apart. But at the same time, you don't want to hold yourself back if you are lacking confidence. It's a tricky line to consider.

Walking into Broadway Dance Center to teach my first Contemporary class at this amazing school

You also don't want to apply for a position that you probably can't fit into your schedule due to previous commitments. This can be especially tricky because dancers should constantly be auditioning to fine-tune their audition skills, to connect with those hiring, and to get an idea of whether they are ready to take on certain posts. Don't be afraid to attend a cattle call.  But if you really don't feel prepared for a specific position, it may be better to wait until you can show yourself at your best. Especially if you are very out of shape after an injury or time off, consider whether the chance to gain opportunity may risk further injury. Sometimes, people will remember you from application to application. So, be sure to keep in mind that auditioning for a gig completely unprepared may leave a lasting impression.

A misstep that a handful of dancers, choreographers, and instructors make is trying to use an acquaintance that is already involved in an organization to help you gain easier access to the people making decisions. This is a tricky one, as it sometimes works. But some of my most embarrassing memories are when I have tried to take the easy road and reached out to somebody I met once or twice. In trying to get an insider's advantage in my applications/auditions, I have overstepped social boundaries. If this way of putting yourself out there doesn't work to your favor, the next time you see this contact may be quite awkward.

If you barely know somebody and you want them to put in a good word for you or to forward your information to the person in charge, it could be seen as shady or show a general lack of awareness for the structure and culture of an organization. Sometimes, companies are very disjointed with a clear delineation between positions. For instance, a ballet master may be higher up in the system than a dancer and closer to the Artistic Director of a company. But they still answer to the director as their boss. So, it may not be appropriate (or even possibly offensive) for them to offer their advice on items including hiring, choreographic opportunities, and more. Again, this way of putting oneself out there has worked for me in the past. Just understand that you are taking a hearty risk by reaching out to someone for help that you barely know.

As for offering yourself up for a position that you appear to be under-qualified for, it is a different story. I learned from a good friend that applying for positions you don't feel ready for can act as great practice for when you actually have the experience to back up your application. And, sometimes, you're actually exactly what they are looking for. In these situations, it really comes down to the amount of effort you can put into preparing your materials. I know, for me, I'm tempted to apply for every inspiring position that becomes available. But I am so busy all the time, it isn't always practical to apply for jobs I am nearly positive I won't get. In building my knowledge of creating a cover letter and proper CV (aka resumé), I've applied for Artistic Director positions, Ballet Master jobs, and School Director opportunities. While the closest I've come was 2nd place to direct Rochester City Ballet, I know that I can still use a great deal of growth before I may be right to lead the size and quality establishment I dream of directing. So, when I feel that I have some free time or that a position is really important to me, I apply. And if I'm overwhelmed with work and a position pops up that sounds nice but is likely out of my league, I save my time and wait for the next practice session.

The biggest item out of your control when putting yourself out there is timing. It is true. Timing is everything. Sometimes, it is calculated and other times you have no idea that now is the right time. This is what is most difficult about making decisions pertaining to your career and seeking success. An artist may not feel ready for something they are more than prepared to take on. Or, on the other hand, they may feel that they are the one and only fit for a position that will end up being far out of their reach. This is the one factor you can count on being confusing and out of your control. But don't let the idea of proper timing deter you from trying to reach your dreams. The timing factor almost invalidates many of the points I wrote above. If you put yourself out there with the right timing (even if you aren't prepared, don't have the time, or more), you can get a dream job and prove all of these factors inconsequential.

Dancers, choreographers, instructors, and most artists have a tendency to listen to the nag of never-ending feelings of inadequacy. This can often push their art to new heights as they try to make up for this faux perception. But if your gauge and perception of true self-worth is off, you may be stifling opportunity. I suggest taking a deep, lengthy look at yourself. Then see your reflection in friends, colleagues, and peers reactions to your work. In the end, I always say artists should continuously put themselves out there. So, don't read this post and feel like you should be holding back. I hope you read this and look at it as a tool to help you make better, more informed decisions. Cheers!

Respectful Ways to Respond to Issues

An image from my work, Glass House - Dancers Toby Lewellen & Amanda Sewell

As a freelance dance artist, you may find that you are often responsible for negotiating terms of your own contracts; including pay, housing, travel, and more. While some of these situations can be slightly uncomfortable, things are usually fine once you get everything in writing and sign on the dotted line. Unfortunately, though, as with many things in life, complications can arise that cause agreements to be violated or induce stress on your work in the studio. When this happens, your working relationship with that employer may suffer greatly. Dancers often choose the submissive path that they are taught to follow during their intense training years. But while it may be more comfortable to avoid conflict and let certain items pass by without even mentioning the issue to your employer, letting item after item slide by can be very damaging to your career and psyhce. From injury to disappointment, to anything as far as full-fledged burnout (which I recently discussed on my Pas de Chát podcast), not standing up for yourself can have dangerous implications.

There are many situations that may be better to leave unaddressed, but there are also a handful of topics that I strongly feel need to be touched upon. To offer all of my readers and those working dancers out there that don't have the luxury of turning to a union to deal with workplace issues, please read below to see my thoughts on how to best approach certain issues that may present themselves while on the job. With three years behind me working as a union delegate for Pacific Northwest Ballet and 5 years guiding my own career as a freelancer, I feel that I have a ton of valid experience to lend you some sound advice on how to respectfully respond to workplace issues.

Pay:

This is one area in which I have actually had relatively few issues throughout my freelance career. Of course, there is always that uncomfortable period when you are negotiating pay. But for the most part, employers respectfully follow through with paying dancers what they agreed, when they agreed to do it. Still though, every once in awhile I have heard of dancers that have had issues of non-payment.

When I have had an underpayment in the past, I have contacted my employer and casually mentioned it to them under the assumption that it was an honest mistake. This can be easier to discuss via email (and is more ideal for documentation purposes) because money is always a touchy topic to bring up. After an initial conversation, any errors or issues are usually resolved immediately (and with apologies).

I do remember an instance where an entire company of dancers wasn't paid for their work. After scrolling through angry, public Facebook outcries posted against the organization, I wondered how it could have been handled better. When a contract is being violated, it can be difficult to understand the correct route of execution to resolve complicated issues. For this reason, I hold legal insurance. This inexpensive assistance offers me access to talk directly to lawyers about any issues that I have free of charge beyond the $10 monthly rate. If their advice doesn't help you resolve your issue, they are also available to write letters to try to create an open path of communication. I strongly suggest stepping away from Facebook to announce any decrees against a company. While it may make you feel better, it could actually be used against you by the company, future employers, or cause issue if legal action needs to take place.

In the end, if there is no way to resolve the issue, you will need to determine if it is necessary for you to take legal action to reclaim your losses. I always suggest that you do everything in your power possible to avoid this. But a dancer should never feel like they can't protect themselves by accessing the power of the law.

Studio Conditions:

Rehearsing w/Oakland Ballet in 2014

Before I suffered a severe injury while dancing for Oakland Ballet, I actually told the director that I was concerned for my safety. After only a few days of dancing at their facilities, I recognized that the floor wasn't sprung and that they weren't turning the heat on (during the chilly 50 degree mornings of the East Bay spring). I started to change the way I approached my days. For instance, I stopped jumping altogether during class and wore gloves at barre. I'm not sure why, but this was one of the first times in my career that I was remiss to walk straight up to the director and ask for resolution.

After a few days of not jumping in class, the director pulled me aside and stated that he wanted me participating until the end of class. I wasn't too pleased with his request, as it showed me that he didn't understand the inadequacies of the facility and why commonplace items like a sprung floor are important to have for dancers performing at a professional caliber. In response to him, I calmly stated that I was concerned that I was going to injure myself due to the lack of spring in the floor. He acknowledged my concern, but still requested that I continue jumping. At that point, I responded, "I understand where you are coming from, but I am concerned that I am going to become injured. And while I would like to follow through to please you, you are not providing workers compensation in the event that I do get injured. So, I do feel it is necessary for me to continue working in the capacity that I am." He calmly agreed, though, I don't think he was very pleased with my response.

The best route of action to deal with studio conditions is to approach these issues earlier than later. If you have been dancing on a floor that is frighteningly slippery for a month and you finally reach your maximum threshold, it may be confusing to a director if it was never brought up before. Be sure to approach issues sooner than later. The way in which I interacted with the director may not appropriate for all dancers. I was lucky enough that I was more senior and had experience with talking to management about issues. If you feel that certain conditions may be endangering your body, but don't feel comfortable to approach management about the issues, I would suggest reaching out to a more senior dancer or somebody who seems to be on a more friendly level with the director. There is always a pathway to communication, even if it isn't direct. 

Rehearsal Conditions:

Some of you may look at the above section about studio conditions and assume that I am talking about the same thing. Let me differentiate this for you. Studio conditions involve the physical condition of the studio; like sprung floors, slippery floors, temperature, size, ceiling height, etc. Rehearsal conditions are the way that you are treated by whomever is running the rehearsal. Issues like this may include not being given appropriate breaks, demoralizing remarks, proper rehearsal structure, etc.

Back when I was dancing with another company in the Bay Area of San Francisco, I had an issue with rehearsal conditions. At the time, I had been flown in with one day's notice to replace an injured dancer in two difficult ballets. Within the time frame of 2 rehearsal days, I learned these two 20 minute ballets. This was an extremely difficult task, but my ability to retain quickly meant that we had more time to rehearse the ballets before they were put onstage. On the 3rd day of rehearsal, I was told by the ballet mistress that we would be running the 2nd ballet that I had just learned. We had hours of rehearsals and four more rehearsal days until we were in the theatre, so there was still some time left. I was concerned that running this fresh work full-out could possibly injure myself or cause me to injure my partner due to the lack of freshness in my mind. Instead of following common rehearsal procedures of breaking the work down into sections and rehearsing the sections separately before putting the whole ballet together, they wanted to skip to the final step.

As with the last section about studio conditions, it is important that you set up a pathway for communication. Make sure you say something before rehearsal gets underway. And if you aren't comfortable speaking up for yourself, don't be shy to ask for assistance. This should be approached in the same way as I mentioned above. You are responsible for your own health and career. And nobody knows what your body needs more than yourself.

Housing Issues:

Sometimes, people live differently...with ants all over their kitchen

This is yet another tricky topic that freelancers like to talk about among each other, but don't really like to address in the moment. I have had a great range of experiences with my housing while traveling the country to perform on stages small and large. Sometimes, I have stayed with host families. And, at other times, I have stayed in hotels. My experiences in both of these situations has ranged from the most amazing experiences of my career to the worst anxiety building periods of my life. At its finest, I have made lifelong friends, career benefactors, and more. At its worse, I have felt in genuine danger. It can really be a mixed bag when you are living in somebody else's space or staying somewhere unfamiliar that is booked by someone else.

First things first, when you start to feel uncomfortable with your housing, take a step back and out of yourself. Are you particularly uncomfortable only because you are out of your comfort zone? This is normal. Maybe the host doesn't like to turn on the heat until it is well past cold. Or, perhaps, your host smokes marijuana and you prefer to keep your distance from such substances. There are many situations that can feel frightening when you are trying to find your own comfort outside of your home. I always remind myself that there are many ways to live. My way of living is only one way, not the only way.

If there really is an issue with something, kindly ask to discuss the issue with your host, if you are comfortable. Most of the time, these people are housing you because they love artists and want to make you feel at home. I have had host families go way out of their way to accommodate my comfort. It is always best to have a personal conversation first because things can get awkward if you have to go through certain channels to relay a point. If worse comes to worse and you need to have somebody outside of the housing address it, it is not improper to ask your employer to change your housing situation. In the end, you are on-site to deliver your product, which is your dancing. If you can't relax, rest, and properly recoup at the end of your work days, you are more likely to get injured, less valuable to your employer, and less likely to return to a gig again.

Issues with Fellow Dancers:

It was the first day of a job and the choreographer had asked us to pair up with a peer. We were asked to improvise a duet together based off of a certain concept. By the time we had finished up, the choreographer had really latched on to the phrase that my partner and I had created. After sharing our choreography with all of the dancers, we were asked to do this again. I'm not sure what happened between the first and second exercise, but my peers mood quickly turned from camaraderie to anger. We were trained in different styles of dance, therefore we had different approaches to creating movement. The place we were working from previously was mutual, but once we hit a roadblock all of this dancer's communication skills broke down.

My first reaction to this breakdown was to try to resolve it myself. I apologized to the dancer for the miscommunication and asked if he would be a little clearer in what he was asking. At that point, the dancer turned to me and told me that they would figure it out on their own and I should figure it out on my own, then we could just dance our separate solos like a duet beside each other. I was in my 30's by this point and wasn't really interested in having a tense, dramatic in-studio experience.

I was really proud of how I approached this situation. I didn't make a big fuss out of it. I raised my hand and waved the choreographer over to speak to us. Instead of laying the blame on my fellow dancer for the anger that he was displaying towards me, I calmly mentioned that we seemed to be having a misunderstanding and some miscommunication and needed assistance to get back on track. The dancer snapped back in defense of his actions. Instead of trying to rat this dancer out, I continued to keep my calm and said, "I'm not trying to cause any issues, I just feel that we need help communicating and I'm hoping that he can assist us with that." The choreographer saw what I was trying to do and did a really great job of calming the other dancer down and getting us back to a good place.

So, if you find yourself in a similar situation, please follow my lead and seek out assistance to create a dialogue versus assigning blame. Blaming your fellow dancer will only cause immediate and, likely, future issue. Dance is very competitive and dancers almost always want to be seen in the best light possible. If a dancer feels like you are trying to make them look bad for your own personal gain, you will never resolve any situation.

Injury:

When most people think of an injury, they imagine those scenes in movies when a dancer goes down screaming in pain and hugging an ankle or extremity. While these dramatic injuries do happen, there is also a range of problems that don't always manifest as immediate or cringe-inducing traumas. Back in 2014, when I suffered the injury that took me out of dancing with Oakland Ballet, I landed a Horton-based jump that required me to drop out of the air in a contraction over one leg. I didn't feel or hear any pop. And I didn't feel any dramatic event immediately after execution either. In fact, I didn't notice it until after we finished running this difficult Molissa Fenley work. At the completion of the run, I noticed that my back was becoming mildly tight, but it didn't present itself as anything more than a bit of overwork. It took me nearly an hour outside of rehearsal to notice that something had went wrong and about 3 hours to know that something had gone severely wrong. As my back continued to seize up to the point that I almost had to call an ambulance to get out of bed the next morning, it became quite clear that it was unlikely that I was going to be able to make it to rehearsal that day, let alone the performance 8 days from then.

This is how I approached the situation. If you have a dramatic, clear take you out kind of injury, there really isn't much conversation to be had. You know you will be recovering for awhile and need to address whether you have the right to workers compensation or not. But if you have an injury like the one that I had in Oakland or a slowly building stress injury (stress reaction or stress fracture), it may be harder to assess if you need to be replaced or if you can muster up the strength to move on without causing further harm.

If you find yourself dealing with an injury that may resolve in time for a show or that you can continue dancing on without causing irreparable damage, you need to assess where you are today, if it is feasible to make it until the end of the show, and what type of physical therapy you can get to help cope with pain, swelling, or immobility. Once I assessed my injury and considered the amount of time it could take for me to get back to a functional place, I used my fastest path of communication to talk to the director. He had given me his phone number, so I texted him that I was injured and needed to have a conversation. If you don't have such direct access, an email should suffice. I wasn't quite ready yet to take myself out of the program. So, I sought medical assistance and started to take the powerful steroid Prednisone. Once that kicked in and the muscles around my spine started to calm down, it became clear to me that I was in pain beyond the immobility caused by muscular spasm to protect my injured spine. At this point, I had to make a decision between selfishly holding on to my roles in the performance (under the assumption that I probably wouldn't make it through the show) or to humble myself and request to be replaced in the performance.

I chose to relieve the company from the stress over whether I would make it through to the end and take myself out of the performance. While this was a difficult conversation to have with the director, it was necessary for me to give him time to figure out how to handle replacing me. Some directors take this news well, and some do not. So, be prepared to have an honest conversation based on reality. If you are concerned that the director doesn't believe your injury is bad enough or that they may feel that you should push through your pain, perhaps consider getting your doctor involved in the conversation. As dancers we are taught to do whatever it takes to please our bosses. But I urge all dancers to take care of themselves and prevent making an already bad injury worse. It is not worth living in pain beyond your dancing years to make it through one program of performances.

Inappropriate Conduct:

Dance is no ordinary workplace (Photo: Jeffrey Crane)

Overstepping sexual boundaries or making unwelcome statements is a rarity in our career field. Touching one another in inappropriate places and making raucous jokes isn't only common, but a part of the job. Keeping a light atmosphere in an intensely focused field is often important to the health of any dance organization. Additionally, while things like placing a hand high up an inner thigh for a press lift, kissing your Romeo/Juliet, or caressing one another's body for a romantic pas de deux are completely appropriate in context, there are times that lines are crossed. If this is the case, an offense that could be considered sexual harassment should not be taken lightly.

The first time that poor conduct occurs, one may not be completely aware of whether it was intentional or not. This doesn't matter. If you are uncomfortable with something that happened, I'd first suggest talking to your partner, ballet master, or whomever committed the act that was beyond your comfort zone. If everybody's intentions were good, a simply put, "Please don't touch me there when it isn't a part of the choreography" or "When you talk to me like that, it makes me uncomfortable," will likely lead to an immediate apology and acknowledgement of error (whether intentional or not). This will usually resolve any issue.

If you find that bringing up your discomfort doesn't yield a successful result, it is time that you bring this misconduct to the attention of somebody in power. First, assess whether you are overreacting to a norm in choreography. If you come from a more conservative background and aren't used to the requirements of partnering, perhaps ask a friend what they think.

Now that you've determined that what is happening is truly inappropriate, reach out. Always, always, always reach out to the Human Resources (HR) department first. This area of most organizations is responsible for dealing with any concerns or work place issues. In smaller organizations, though, these companies can't always afford to create an HR department or hire one employee devoted to HR. If this is the case, consider who would be best to talk to. A director isn't always the best person to chat with considering they often have a great deal of stress to work around. Additionally, you don't want to soil somebody's image if you mistook their intentions. If your dance partner or coworker is being inappropriate, talk to the person in charge of rehearsal privately. Do not do this in public, as there is nothing worse than embarrassing a colleague, especially if they didn't understand that what they were doing was inappropriate.

If the issue you have is with a Ballet Master or Rehearsal Director, you may need to approach the Artistic Director. Make sure that you know how you want to approach the director first. If you come off as overly emotional or aren't completely clear on what resolution you would like, they may see you as being dramatic and out of touch. You want them to take you seriously, so be clear and try to remain relatively calm.

If you have an issue with your director, there is no HR department available, and you have discussed your concern directly with them, you may need to reach out to somebody who the director respects. Be aware that if you reach out to a lawyer for advice and you have them contact the director, your relationship will change dramatically. And whether you want to keep your job or not, it will certainly end your time with that organization in the near future (whether on your terms or not). If you encounter this rare, unfortunate situation, be extremely sensitive, have clear examples, and try to stick to the facts. The moment that tears or yelling get involved, your voice is a lot less likely to be heard.

The Freelance Choreographer - Outside Perspectives

Opposing midnight views as I left Alaska (Top: Moon rising over Chugach Range, Bottom: Denali basking in the midnight sun)

I know it's been awhile since I've posted, but I've just got so many wonderful things going on that I wanted to wait for the 4th of July to pass. Since leaving the eternally sunny days and nights of Alaska a few weeks ago, I was finally asked to teach a Contemporary Technique class as a guest at Broadway Dance Center. This has been a childhood dream of mine since I first took class at this school as a teenager. I'm hoping to make this a regular gig, but as with all things I need to practice perseverance and patience! Beyond this, I am developing a program (that I will announce at some point), have been planning my hubby and my honeymoon to South America this September, and am prepping to teach my first gig at Steps on Broadway (Advanced Intermediate Ballet at 2:30 pm on Mondays, Wednesdays, & Fridays from 7/18 - 7/29, as well as Intermediate Ballet at 10 am on 7/18). For once, I finally decided to take two complete days off over the holiday weekend. No work, no email, no media. It was actually more challenging to rest than it is for me to continue working. But I accomplished my mission and feel refreshed and ready to tackle my summer work!

With all of this talk about my work and travel done, I'd like to turn the focus off of myself for the rest of this post and share some information about some of my friends. One of my biggest goals with creating this blog has been to not only get information out about freelancing and to share my experiences. I always hoped that my friends and colleagues would have a chance to share their experiences here, as well. I recently reached out to two amazing freelance choreographers, the recently commissioned to create at the Bolshoi Ballet Garrett Smith, who is returning to dance with Norwegian National Ballet after a long hiatus, and Princess Grace Award winner and former Les Grand Ballet Canadiens Soloist Gabrielle Lamb. I asked these beauties a few questions about their careers as freelance choreographers and I am so excited to share what they had to say here. Enjoy! 



What is their performance background?


Gabrielle Lamb: Winner of a 2014-15 Princess Grace Award for Choreography, was a longtime soloist at Les Grands Ballets Canadiens and in 2009 was invited by Christopher Wheeldon to join his company Morphoses in New York. 

Gabrielle Lamb creating at the National Choreographers Initiative (Photo: Ty Parmenter)

Garrett Smith: Currently dancing with Norwegian National Ballet. Former dancer with Houston Ballet.

Garrett Smith in the studio with Houston Ballet (Photo: Amitava Sarkar)

How did you get into choreography?

GL: I first started choreographing when I was a little kid. I was around 10 and would create and direct shows for the other kids in my Montessori school to perform. When ballet training and professional life got more intense, I stopped. I restarted when I was dancing for Les Grands Ballets Canadiens de Montreal because we had the opportunity to create work on our fellow dancers for annual choreographic workshops. I started out creating solo material for myself, but once I got a taste of creating on other people I just wanted to do more and more.

GS: I started creating solos on myself for competitions when I was 11 years old. As time passed, I developed a big interest for it later and pursued every choreographic opportunity I had from 13 on; whether it was at summer programs at Houston Ballet or choreographic workshops.



Where have you choreographed?

Gabrielle Lamb's Moult - Ballet Memphis

GL: My choreography and dance films have been presented by the Royal Winnipeg Ballet, Ballet Austin, Milwaukee Ballet, The Joffrey Concert Group, BalletX, Ballet Memphis, Jacob’s Pillow, Sacramento Ballet, Dance Theatre of Harlem, Dance on Camera at Lincoln Center, and the American Dance Festival. I won choreographic competitions at Hubbard Street Dance Chicago, Milwaukee Ballet, and Western Michigan University, as well as, in 2014, the Banff Centre's Clifford E. Lee Award and a New York City Center Choreography Fellowship.

GS: I have choreographed in Europe and America. The companies I have worked with as a freelance choreographer have been New York City Ballet, Houston Ballet, Norwegian National Ballet, Ballet West, and Milwaukee Ballet.



Who/What has been your choreographic inspiration?

GL: I get very inspired when I have the time and energy to walk around and visit galleries. Visual art is a big source of inspiration for me, but nowadays it's hard to make the time to meander and discover art by chance. I also get inspired through writing. I try to make the "morning pages" a habit, and journalling is a big part of my process. I'm also writing my own blog, which helps me clarify my thoughts.  

GS: My inspiration comes from music that I find, my personal life experiences, and also the excitement I have in developing a concept or idea specifically for bodies in movement with music.



You took a hiatus from Norwegian National Ballet to focus on choreography, what drove you to make this decision?

Garrett Smith's Reveal - Houston Ballet (Photo: Amitava Sarkar)

GS: During my 2nd year in Oslo, I was missing home a bit and I already had a commission with Ballet West lined up. So, I asked our Artistic Director, Ingrid Lorentzen, if I could take permission as we are allowed in the company. This allowed me a year to focus on my my work as a freelance choreographer.



How have you found choreography work? Do you have an agent? Do you book yourself?

GL: I do not have an agent, though I would be open to it under the right conditions. I started finding work by submitting work samples and proposals to various open calls and competitions. Although I don't believe in choreography as a blood sport, competitions have been a way for me to get great experience with companies that might not otherwise be able to take risks on emerging choreographers. Having gone through that process many times, I feel it's time for me to move from emerging to established territory, but it is harder than I imagined. I have to rely more on connections and networking. As a shy person averse to self-promotion, I'm having to leave my comfort zone all the time to look for work. My advice to aspiring choreographers would be, obviously, to submit work all over the place. But also, to invest in great-quality video of their choreography. It makes a difference. Also don't burn bridges at any stage of a career, no matter how tempting it may be. You never know who will resurface later and in what position. You will need every possible ally. 

GS: I have found choreography by pursuing companies, as well as companies that have pursued me by word of mouth. Also, I have a Youtube channel with footage of my work.


Tell me about your first commission.



Q Dance - Royal Winnipeg Ballet (Photo: Vince Pahkala)

GL: My first commission, NeverDidRunSmooth, was with Hubbard Street 2. I was a winner of the National Choreographic Competition, as it was then called. I really didn't have much experience at that point, but a friend had told me that Hubbard Street wanted to take risks on new choreographic voices with their second company. So, I submitted a dance film I'd made in my living room and a duet I'd created for myself and a colleague. Sometimes that "risk-taking" talk is just marketing jargon, but in my case Hubbard Street really did take a risk. I was absolutely terrified to go to Chicago and do the residency, but it turned out to be the best possible experience. The dancers were very humble and open, and I learned a lot. I'd never been able to experience an intensive process before, where you create all day every day as your job. Until then, I'd snatch 45 minutes here and there, on lunch breaks and after work. The HS2 experience opened my eyes to what a choreographic process could be, with proper support. I loved the work we created together, and the company ended up touring it for two years. 


Do you survive solely off of your choreography or do you perform other jobs?

GL: Choreography is my biggest source of income these days, which is a little disconcerting. I do teach (both ballet and contemporary) and am trying to do more of that to bridge the gaps. I used to do lots of video editing for dance companies, but nowadays I mostly just do it for my own choreography.

GS: I survived solely off of my choreography in 2015-2016. I did dance here and there, but my income was from my choreographic commissions. It was crazy because it was my first year doing it, and it worked! I had no idea what would have come of it, but it was an incredible first year as a freelance artist.


How is freelance life different from company life in your experience?

Garrett Smith in rehearsal w/Milwaukee Ballet

GS: The difference is that you are basically a gypsy. You make homes all around you (hopefully). I love the idea of being in a company for a long time because of that family feeling and bond you create with them. It was incredibly hard to leave Houston after 6 years and start from scratch in Norway. Then from there to just leave everything altogether and not have friends around me on a daily basis. I think you have to be a pretty strong individual to be a freelance worker.


At what point did your performance career become secondary to your choreographic career?
 
GL: Performance has only gradually become secondary to creation, and it has been an organic process. 2013 was the first year that I had more work as a choreographer than as a dancer, and the proportion has been increasing steadily since then. Nowadays, I perform very seldom. It's really only when I am very curious about another choreographer's creative process and want to experience it from inside that I will perform.  


Working as a freelance choreographer vs. dancer, does it get lonely traveling solo?

GS: I don't mind the traveling so much. It can be exciting going to new places. What is great is that you actually have perspective and a true, legitimate comparison. I have worked for many companies now, and enough to know what I can be grateful for and what I won't complain about or take for granted.


What has been most challenging along your journey?

Gabrielle Lamb's Happenstance - Milwaukee Ballet (Photo: Jason Fassl)

GL: It has been very challenging trying to decide whether to try to form a company of my own.  Commissions remove so much strain, so I love to do them. On the other hand, I'd like more continuity, and I want to be able to build on past work through mutual trust with long-term collaborators. I feel like I could take even more risks that way. But I'm also very shy, and I feel pretentious about forming a company. It brings out all the demons.  

What do you do in between choreography gigs?

GL: During those down times, I take other choreographers' classes and workshops in order to get fresh input. And I do a lot of reading, about whatever subject I'm going to create about next. Currently, it's the theme of "water" for Sacramento Ballet. But I continue to be challenged by the periods between intensive creations. Those are the times I should be renewing myself and researching. But it's very easy to fall into pits of self-doubt and to imagine how much more talented and successful everyone else is. Social media fuels a lot of this panic, unfortunately, so I'm trying to impose restrictions on myself. But it's tricky, because social media seems to be a necessary tool for a choreographers. And besides, I quite often find out about interesting, useful stuff via Facebook and Instagram.   


What has been your most exciting choreographic experience and highlights?
 

Garrett Smith - National Choreographers Initiative (Photo: Dave Friedman)

GL: I am proud of the awards and fellowships I've won, obviously. It's hard to feel legit in this career, but those do help. I'm also proud of the works I've created for Ballet Memphis around themes devised by Artistic Director Dorothy Gunther-Pugh. Those curated programs, and my collaboration with designer Christine Darch, have enabled me to create works I never would have imagined on my own (Moult, Elapse). 

GS: My most exciting moments would have to be with my former home company at Houston Ballet. This was where I had my first big commission and also the second time being asked to come back with incredible designers and a budget that makes you feel like the real deal (haha). It is cool as a freelance worker to be your own employer and boss. You choose what jobs you want, but it is scary because it requires diligence and faith in yourself. There is not guarantee that you will get work and that directors will like you enough to put their faith in you.



Do you have experience writing your own grants for choreography? If so, any advice on the process?


GL: I do write my own grants, and I've had some successes as well as plenty of rejections. My advice would be as follows. Invest time and energy in writing as well as you can. Get somebody to proofread for you. Be clear and honest. No word salads. But sometimes you just have to make stuff up---lots of the time actually. So, don't get freaked out. Just start writing something as fast as you can and edit later. 



Do you have any advice for those who may be interested in a career as a freelance choreographer?


GL: 1) Be kind. 2) Just keep pushing forward with the knowledge that sometimes a rehearsal can switch in seconds. It's normal to feel exhausted, empty, and clueless; but if you can remain open, some little accidental detail may catch your interest and send you down a brand new path. This is unpredictable work that is totally dependent on the creativity and goodwill of other human beings. So be alert, be respectful, be patient. And be kind. 


GS: My advice would be to not doubt yourself and believe in your talent and hard work. There is never a guarantee that a normal job will last. Anything can happen, anyone can get fired (unless you have a permanent contract). But seriously, you might as well just go for your goals and dreams because there really are not guarantees in life either way.


Keep Up-To-Date with these Choreographers:

Gabrielle Lamb: www.gabriellelamb.com


Upcoming Projects:
- New creation for her own company at Baruch College in October (CUNY Dance Initiative: http://www1.cuny.edu/sites/6/about/centers-institutes/dance/2016-residencies/)
- New works for Kansas City Ballet, University of Utah, & Salt Contemporary Dance

Social Media:
Blog: http://www.gabriellelamb.com/#!blog/cx7y
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/gabrielle.lamb.5
Instagram: @gabrielleclamb
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/velvette26
Vimeo: https://vimeo.com/user4502601


Garrett Smith:

Biography: Norwegian National Ballet profile

Upcoming Projects:
- Bolshoi Ballet - 11/16
- Texas Ballet Theatre - 1/17

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Garrett-Smith-Choreography-170571929641189/?fref=ts
Instagram: @GarrettSmithChoreography
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/adelicioustreat 

Determining Rates for Teaching

A few weeks ago, I was contacted by Dance/USA and offered a press pass to attend their annual convention in Austin, Texas. It was super exciting to hear that they consider me an influencer throughout the dance community and wanted me to report on conversations and happenings taking place at this great organization's convention. While I was unable to attend due to my previous commitment running my summer intensive in Anchorage, Alaska, I was greatly honored by the offer. Especially, by their consideration that I have an authoritative and recognizable voice in my community through my work on this blog and on my podcast on the Premier Dance Network. With this honorable endorsement and respect from my community for my work, I look forward to continuing the art of sharing my knowledge and experiences with the world of dance.

With all of this said, in this post I want to share some information with you that I offered an acquaintance I recently met in class at Steps on Broadway. After hitting it off in a friendly locker room conversation, this gentleman reached out to me on Facebook asking for my advice in an area that most freelance dance artists will explore at some point in their performance or post-performance careers. This guy had recently been offered the opportunity to teach a few master classes in the Denver metropolitan area. Having never had to negotiate his own rates for his services, he was at a bit of a loss about the best approach to determining his rates and how to present them to this employer. I'd like to share this information with you, as I think it is valuable to many of us in our field.

Teaching Contemporary Technique

There is often a great deal of confusion when it comes to how much one should get paid to teach, whether giving a general class or offering a master class experience. There are so many factors that go into choosing a rate; from performance experience to teaching experience, to travel and organizational budget. Honestly, there is no exact science to determining and/or negotiating your pay for sharing your art form. But there are a few tips I am happy to offer you, which you can read below. 

The first thing to consider is your base rate. This fee is the absolute minimum that you are willing to work for. Generally, most of the classes I teach are paid for at an hourly rate. So, we can start there. Honestly, I don't think anybody should be accepting work to teach for a rate any less than $25/hour. If an institution isn't willing to pay you at this rate or above, then I feel they don't really respect the value that an instructor can bring into a studio. One would be better off working a restaurant, bar, barista, or office job than accepting a rate lower than this. A dance instructor can't work 40 hours a week in the studio without severely burning themselves out. So, this is a practical place to start. A $25/hour rate is still quite low. Generally, I would only say that an instructor with little to no professional performance credits or teaching experience should be accepting this minimum teaching wage rate. If you look at your resume and only have minor, local performance credits or are looking to begin your teaching career, this is a good place to start. Otherwise, it is my opinion that an instructor with quality professional performance credits should charge no less than $40/hour for instruction.

Depending on your experience, you may want to consider sliding your value up the scale. For instance, when I began teaching back in 2011, I started charging a rate of $50/hour. Considering that I had danced with Pacific Northwest Ballet, Houston Ballet, and had a stint at American Ballet Theatre, I felt that my performance experience made up for my general lack of time working in the studio. Most teaching jobs are looking for instructors who have some degree of studio time with students. But impressive company credits can help increase your value and the interest of institutions to bring you in at a higher rate. While I started my teaching career charging this fee, if I felt that an opportunity was worthwhile and a school couldn't pay my rate, I was willing to work at my absolute minimum rate of $40/hour. This was my true base rate, as I wasn't willing to accept a valuation lower than that. No matter the opportunity offered, I felt that any level of pay below that rate was disrespectful to the skill set that I brought to the table. Finding a reasonable and respectful base for yourself is the most valuable piece of information I have to share with you.

Once I gained more studio time and added local, regional, and national experience to my resume, I felt that I could begin to improve my rates. While a few of my staple schools that helped me start my career have only received minor rate increases, my overall value has increased greatly since those first years passing on my craft. Each year that I teach, I assess my achievements and new experiences and decide whether an increase is justified and/or reasonable. Now that I have been teaching for 5 years, have taught for professional companies like Eugene Ballet and Koresh Dance Company, have taught at national schools like Peridance Capezio Center, and have successfully coached students to place at Youth America Grand Prix, I am comfortable asking for increasingly respectful wages.

Teaching Contemporary Choreography

The major determining factors for me in accepting work and negotiating a fee is whether or not I want to do a job. If I am really interested in working with an organization or feel that I will gain much out of an experience, I generally accept any fee that doesn't drop below my base rate. The fulfillment from these jobs is well worth getting paid a little less. If I feel that a job might be a little more work or is less fulfilling, I will charge a higher rate than my minimum. Additionally, if I have to travel a great deal or I may potentially have a greater opportunity during the period of time asked to teach, I will tag on a higher fee. It can be easy to burn out if you are constantly accepting work that doesn't fulfill or is overwhelmingly far to travel. Getting paid a little more can help relieve these burdens. But be aware that getting paid well doesn't prevent burn out. Be sure to use caution when accepting uninspiring work or positions that require you to travel for extended periods of time on a regular basis.

One area of the teaching realm that is a bit different when it comes to charging fees is when one is asked to teach master classes. Today, generally, a master class differs from regular classes only in marketing. Back in my training days, master classes were only taught by instructors that had a great deal of experience and a proven track record of greatness in performance and/or instruction in our field. These days, most anyone can market their instruction as a master class. All it takes is offering your services outside of a school's regularly scheduled class offerings. As for these special types of workshops, I sometimes change my rates dependent on how much a school is planning on charging their students. Some schools have a pool of cash that they have already collected from students at the beginning of their season for these types of classes. When this happens, I generally charge the higher end of my class fee and my transportation costs. Again, this is only if I feel that it is fulfilling enough to go out of my way and help bring something new and exciting to an institution. If the school is charging a per head fee for the master class, I'll generally ask them to pay my top rate, plus a fee per head after, say, 8-10 students. That way, the more they make, the more I make. I feel this is especially important because if you are the main draw of bringing in more students and making the school more money, you should benefit just as much (if not more) as the school is from bringing in your unique brand.

I've discussed the art of negotiating in previous blogs on Life of a Freelance Dancer, so I don't want to get too detailed in my opinions and tips on negotiating. But just a reminder for those of my new readers. One should always negotiate in good faith, trying to be fair while gaining your true worth. I always find it best to ask what the pay is from the beginning. If a school offers you a lower rate than you would take into consideration, tell them what you feel you are worth. In the event that a school wants you to tell them your fees, be sure to let them know that your rates are open to discussion if you are concerned that they will be scared or turned off by your ask. Most everybody is trying to provide the highest quality services for their school, while running their business as effectively as possible. So, it is uncommon for most institutions to be unwilling to have an open discussion about rates if they are truly interested in bringing you in. Be sure to have at least one communication via email that clearly states the rate that you will be paid for your gig. It is rare that an organization will purposefully shaft an artist on fees, but I know a few dancers that have had to deal with this unfortunate experience. It is always best to get terms in writing, whether contractual or via a time-stamped e-communication.

Teaching is one of my passions

As you can see, determining your rates as an instructor isn't an exact science. Just as there is no formal basis to license or verify quality of training at any particular dance school, there is no perfect system that helps guide freelance dance instructors on how to charge organizations for their services. Take some time to evaluate your experience and determine a justified value that you feel is fair and respectful. Much of this art is trial-and-error and fine tuning from experience to experience. I hope that this helps set you on your path to career success and a fruitful financial future.

Adapting to Differing Company Practices

I'm currently in Alaska running my annual summer intensive for pre-professional track students. The sun sets a few minutes before midnight and rises around 4 am, but it never gets fully dark. I started this intensive to help enhance these Alaskan student's local training after my tenure as Interim Artistic Director of Alaska Dance Theatre. One of my favorite things about getting to run this program is that I am in complete control of what happens in the studio. If I feel that a student needs to be pushed, I can push them to their limit. If the time has come to pull a student back for their own safety, I do that because I answer to myself. Working like this was a rarity when I held a full-time schedule of performances with multiple companies as a freelance dancer. I was often a slave to company practices, which could mean that I was adjusting to 8-10 different ways of running rehearsals each year. So, getting to make strategic decisions in the studio is a luxury that I really appreciate.

AK-BK Students in Contemporary Technique Class

It can become quite easy to get stuck in one's ways when you have been dancing with a company for any time greater than a year. You wake up in the morning with a general idea of what to expect throughout your day. There may only be cause for concern if a new choreographer or stager is creating/teaching a new work. And, even in these situations, you usually have the protections of an extensively negotiated contract to make sure that there are at least a handful of regular studio practices in place. Some of these luxuries can include a 5-minute break during each hour that you rehearse, an hour for lunch in the middle of the day, a non-mandatory hour-and-a-half warm up class, major issues taken up in private meetings, and more. No matter how functional or dysfunctional a company may be, one often finds a certain level of comfort and expectation in working for one organization. You know what you are getting into from day to day and week to week.

Unfortunately, for freelancers, the above case of comfort and expectation just doesn't exist. I learned this the hard way after dancing with Pacific Northwest Ballet for 7 seasons. After experiencing this company's very functional way of running, I found myself struggling to adjust (and sometimes handle) to the multitude of environments in which I was dancing. For instance, the first time I was brought in to dance with Festival Ballet Providence for their production of Swan Lake, I was at a loss for words when I walked into my first rehearsal. I was standing in the middle of the studio preparing to learn the waltz in the first act of the ballet. Due to circumstances, I was only able to enter the studio after most of the company had already learned this piece of the ballet. My assumption, based off of previous experience, was that teaching me the choreography and filling in the gaps would be the priority of this rehearsal. Instead, I was partnered up with another dancer who already knew the choreography. Before I knew it, the music started. I stood staring at my partner, following her around for about 16 counts before I walked off the floor and raised my hand. Instead of the, "Oh, we forgot that we had to teach it to you," response I was expecting, the director told me that he would teach it to me another day and to just stand beside my partner and follow her around for the next hour. If I remember correctly, I left rehearsal and texted my husband, "I'm really concerned about what I have signed up for." This may be an extreme example of the point I am trying to make, but after asking around the studio if this was a common practice, none of the dancers were even slightly phased by what happened to me. This was not an uncommon practice for them.

Throughout most of my freelance career, I have had a different experience with each company I danced for. Fort Wayne Ballet left my Juliet and myself in the studio with a DVD to learn all of a full-length Romeo and Juliet without a ballet master. We had the freedom to make decisions and they trusted that we would make the right ones. Company C Contemporary Ballet wanted to rehearse a 20-minute one-act ballet that I had learned in a flash almost immediately. Other companies I worked with rehearsed 3 hours a day (instead of the 6 hours I was accustomed to at PNB), docked your pay if you missed company class, and even requested dancers perform on public transportation. Instead of experiencing the restricted choices of a unionized company contract, I found myself panicking that these practices were going to injure me or take away from the integrity of my work that I felt I had built during my years dancing in Seattle.

Performing Romeo & Juliet w/ Fort Wayne Ballet - Dancer: Lucia Rogers (Photo: Jeffrey Crane)

I'm not sure if I ever fully adjusted to the malleability that is necessary to function in the freelance world. But I can tell you that I have many friends and colleagues who have learned to just go with the flow and hold no company to any expectations. While some of these dancers have come from major companies, what I have found is that most of these more fluid dancers have never danced in a union company. In this situation, I feel that it can be very beneficial to lack the experience of working for an organization that is structured by a strong contract. It is kind of like eating candy. If you have never eaten candy, you are a lot less likely to crave it. But if you have ever tasted the sweetness of chocolate (or for me gummy bears), and it is kept from you, you will be much more likely to crave that chocolate. In the case of a dancer, if you have ever rehearsed in a more efficient way, it can become stressful to lower your standards to a less efficient approach. Even, if in some cases, that approach is more efficient, but you only want to rehearse the way you are used to.

My greatest suggestion to any dancer that finds themselves struggling with working in differing company cultures is to remember that there is no perfect way to run a rehearsal, treat a dancer, or lead an organization. Of course, there are things that should not be done; like treating dancers poorly, changing rehearsal hours without care or additional pay, etc. But keep in mind that all directors and ballet masters/mistresses have come from a different background and a have had different experiences in and out of the studio. If you were put in the same position to lead the dancers standing beside you, you may find that they dislike how you approach running rehearsals. Yes, there are more and less efficient approaches to teaching. But until you are in a position of leadership, it is actually your job to remain mostly submissive.

Now, if there is a point where you feel that you or your peers are being put in legitimate danger, it is your responsibility to speak up. But, in order to maintain a professional relationship, you may want to wait to speak to whomever is leading rehearsal until after that rehearsal has ended. If you feel that you are being put in immediate danger, of course, you must speak up. But it isn't extremely common to find yourself in a situation where something needs to be addressed at that exact moment in the studio.

One of the most beautiful parts of our dance world is that no company is alike. There are differing reps, a plethora of dance artists, and a range of styles. In the same way, there are many ways that a company can choose to function. Do your best to remain submissive and lead through example. If you become a leader in this way, you may actually be asked to help influence a clearer rehearsal process. Stay true to yourself and speak up if absolutely necessary, but keep in mind that it is leaderships choice how to run a company and its rehearsals. Think of it this way. The first time you learn a role in a ballet, dancers often feel that this is the correct way to perform this piece. If someone comes in a few years later and asks for steps to be executed on different counts or in a different style, the dancers who have already performed the work will say that what is being taught is wrong. But in reality, it is only a different viewpoint of what the work was before. There is no right or wrong, unless it is endangering one's safety or health.