Why Post So Openly on Social Media

A movement from my ballet, Distinct Perceptions, inspired by a friend sharing about his severe OCD on Facebook (Dancer: Jackie McConnell - Photo: Dave Friedman)

My partner and I have this very specific conversation pretty regularly. "Did you see what Jimmy-Jam wrote on Facebook yesterday?" "Of course I did! How could you miss something like that?" "I can't believe that they would post that for the public to see!" "Well, how is that any different than what I post online?" "It's not...I could never do something like that! I like my privacy..." And that is how it goes. Every day, some people feel the temptation to post anything from their dance movements to their bowel movements, while others will barely share an ounce of their happiest pleasures. When somebody shares information that is socially acceptable, usually something positive (only once or twice though without appearing egotistical) or something mundane, most people move on without mentioning a word. But if somebody posts their lowest point, their biggest vice, their most embarrassing moment, or their struggles, they are often met with uncomfortable opposition or the socially appropriate cold shoulder (with whispers abound). I am definitely an over-sharer when it comes to my online presence. And while it has benefited me and hurt me, at times, I continue to share my thoughts, my lessons, and my life for friends and strangers to read. Why?

Let's start off here. I am a performer. A majority of my life, I have put myself out there on a stage. Sometimes, I get to play myself. Other times, I get to play a character. As a ballet dancer, one thing I rarely get to have is a voice. In the studio, dancers are generally told what to do. On the stage, a dancer doesn't get to tell the audience how they are feeling, what choices they've made, or what decisions were made for them. Beyond that, dancers are judged by their bodies, their strength, and their physical intuition. Rarely their mind.

When I first started blogging on Myspace, I guess I just wanted an outlet. I had just moved to a brand new city 3,000 miles away from home. I had very few friends and very few outlets. If I wanted to express myself, there weren't many people with whom I could openly discuss and assess my new-found adulthood. At the ripe old age of 20, I started using social media. It was almost like having a conversation with somebody who was a really good listener. On top of that, it was kind of like a mini-stage where I could present a performance. But that performance was my reality, my inner thinking, and my real-life personality. Having that outlet made me feel relevantly normal. I could share simple personal things with whomever felt like listening. And since very few actual people wanted to listen at the time, it filled the void and relieved the stress of being somewhere foreign with little support.

I'd take photos when I felt lonely in Seattle - Elliott Bay

As social media has grown over the years, nearly every American has at least dabbled in some form of online platform. This has led to a wide variety of ways people approach online networking. When I first started blogging, I would post about my inner dialogue while sitting on the bus system in Seattle. Sometimes, I would post how I was feeling after a bad set of casting went up. People started criticizing me for sharing how I felt, but in the end I knew it was my choice. When a Principal with PNB came up to me and told me I need to stop writing my thoughts and feelings online, I found it wildly ironic that she was admonishing me while clearly reading a majority of the posts I was writing.

After nearly a year of blogging, I made my first big social media mistake. After a really bad break-up with my first love, an attempt of friends to get us together to potentially reconcile, and another friend dabbing my fresh wounds with bounds of alcohol, I posted a nasty attack towards my former love. It was probably about 3 AM in the morning and by the time I had woken up nearly 6 hours later, that post had been read well over 100 times. I immediately deleted the post and felt ashamed for letting myself stoop to that level. It's the only post I've ever deleted. I learned a lot from that error. But I didn't stop approaching my public posting from the most honest and open place I possibly could.

Over time, I have had a handful of experiences that have been affected by my social media presence. I find that people are initially excited by my postings. It lets them have a better idea of who I am as a person without really knowing me at all. I also find that companies love it when you post something positive. Like, "Such an inspiring day working in the studio today." But, the moment that things start to go negative,  the formerly projected excitement turns into disdainful judgement.

When I hurt my back in 2012 and was having a rough week in the studio with a choreographer who was treating me badly, I wrote a single sentence update about how lost I was feeling. A few days later, my boss (who had previously lauded my social media presence) pulled me aside and said, "You need to watch what you post online. Everybody knows that you are talking about us." The funny thing was that I mentioned no names, mentioned nothing of work, mentioned nothing of my injury. I was just feeling lost. But the second that there wasnt a big :-D on my Facebook, I was committing a foul act.

Sometimes, life is stormy - Mount Baldy, Alaska - 9/21/14

Recently, I have been watching an old friend on Facebook going through a hard time (I can also see that they are getting the support they need). Whether they are dealing with real life issues or having a complete emotional break down, I don't know. But watching this person post the darkest of life's moments for all to see online has been very interesting to watch. My partner keeps saying, "They really need to stop putting all of this for the public to see. It's mortifying!" While my reaction was, "Well, what if somebody else is going through something like this? Why should they be so ashamed to have this experience in public?" There is no right or wrong. But people learn from people. When one person smiles, often you will smile. When you watch somebody in pleasure, you often want to feel that pleasure. When a person cries, how often do people start crying around them? People are moved by people. And for some reason, people will often look down at other people who are experiencing something tragically moving because they don't want to be brought down by that experience.

What living a publicly present social life comes down to is that sentence in the above paragraph, "People are moved by people." Why should someone share what they are experiencing? Because it moves people to feel, it moves people to think, it moves people to act. Sometimes life is amazing. And sometimes, life just downright hurts. Sometimes, your boss makes you feel horrible. Sometimes, your organization gives you an award for being an upstanding employee. By reacting to life publicly, people are offering a real life cinema across the widest web of the world. And there really isn't anything wrong with that as long as you are willing to be open to the judgements, positive and negative, of all of those that interact in your web.

What I learned during my week off social media

I've talked about it before. I am a social media whore. I started on Myspace back in 2004 and was blogging a few weeks later. Since that first fateful day that I logged in, I haven't logged out since. That equals nearly nine years without more than one or two unplanned days without changing my status, checking up on an old friend that I haven't talked to in years, or adding a fun photo to Instagram. Well, this all changed a week ago. I was feeling down, perhaps even in a weird funk. I tried changing my routine, I discussed details with friends for insight, and I stared at the ceiling whilst laying in my bed for hours trying to figure out why I had been feeling off for months. After changing things up over and over again, I finally decided to take a last resort stance. Whenever I felt down, I turned to social media. But this time, I would turn away from it. My comfort. My outlet. My avenue for communication to all of my friends since I travel so much. One week without it. And boy did I learn a lot. I was surprised that all of these lessons were not about my social media use. The extra time that I had available allowed me to evaluate other aspects of my life.

My first time back on Facebook in a week

 - I try to focus in on my more interesting or off-the-wall thoughts just so I can post them to get a reaction from people on social media.

- Life without social media forced me to spend more time with my own thoughts and my own issues. Sitting on social media for hours is almost numbing.
 
- I interact so much because few people reach out to interact with me. I seek this because I don't have a regular workplace to have face-to-face interactions.

- I actually hate self-promoting, but need to do it to keep my name out there and find work.

Dressing room Puck says "HIRE ME!"

- One of my non-social media specific realizations. Dance is like any relationship, it requires a lot of work, physically and emotionally.

- The notifications and messages you receive die down very quickly once you stop posting. Interaction actually slows down almost immediately. When you start posting again, it takes time for people to start noticing.

- In using social media often, I assume that I have an interesting perspective that people want to hear.

- Only one person reached out to me beyond social media during the week that I was off (Big ups, Emily!). I even posted my email address and offered my phone number before signing out to anyone who wanted to communicate with me.

- I waste a lot less time and am early to arrive places at least 50% more often than when I am using social media regularly.

- I, surprisingly, only really started missing social media on the fifth day after stopping.

- I don't really enjoy Twitter...at all! I only use it because so many other people insist on it's usefulness.

- I don't even have to think about going on social media. I, even, typed it into my browser a few times and clicked enter before I even knew I had arrived on a site.

- Sometimes, social media use is just like having too many drinks. I will sit on it for hours, so I don't have to be mindful of the way that I am feeling at that moment.

- I love Instagram because I feel like it is like implanting a camera inside my head for everybody to get an idea of what life looks like through my eyes.

My view walking home from teaching at Koresh via Instagram

- I didn't care about the content in my Facebook feed nearly as much once I returned. I started to scroll down and, before I knew it, was clicking on my browser to go to another website. In fact, my eyes glazed over and I got bored almost immediately. I still haven't figured out why I continue scrolling down endlessly. Habit?

- I had way less use for my smart phone and would sometimes sit and stare at it trying to figure out what to do with it. If I didn't use social media, I'd consider getting a cheap phone with few perks.

- Looking at Facebook after a week off is like getting the mail. You get a few pieces of good mail, some bills, and a bunch of circulars that you wish you never got and want to throw away immediately.

- Everybody lauds your exit, cheering you on and congratulating your achievement. But by the time you return, most people have already forgotten you exist.

- Articles that are posted on Facebook tend to be less fact and more social commentary articles. Almost as if it is a platform to make a statement about one's beliefs, morals, and character.

- Instant gratification is never as rewarding as patience.

Social-Media Whore VS Savvy Self-Promoter

The first time I joined in the social-media craze was back in 2004 right after I had joined Pacific Northwest Ballet. I had friends that had been using Myspace for a couple of years, but I felt that there was no real reason for me to join in the fun. It took a friend of mine talking non-stop about the network for a few weeks before I finally gave in and signed up. At the time, I believed I was signing into a system to keep updated with my closest friends and to reconnect with a few friends with whom I had lost touch. Neither did I know that social-media would eventually take over my entire idea of communication, nor did I understand that it would become one of the greatest tools to market businesses to mass audiences.

Whirling Dervish (Russian) in PNB's The Nutcracker circa 2004

I signed up for Myspace around Nutcracker season nearly 9 years ago. My tipping point in joining a social-media network was probably laden by my boredom and stress of performing 40-something Nutcracker shows in 5 weeks. I signed up and slowly started to find my friends. Having a few people who thought my profile was interesting seek me out was a good feeling, too. But what really got the ball rolling was an unfortunate event at my apartment. I had fallen asleep for the night when, about 3 hours into my slumber, I awoke to a dripping noise. At the time, I wasn't aware that a hot water heater in a vacant apartment two floors above mine had burst. It was only a light drip. Nothing to write home about. But the annoyance had kept me awake well into the 3 o'clock hour of the morning and everybody in my world was already asleep. So, I turned to Myspace and wrote my very first blog. It said something along the lines of "Cindy...the light is leaking," which was a reference to a line from one of my favorite movie series, Scary Movie. I, eventually, was able to fall asleep in the living room after closing the door to the bedroom, where the water was dripping, and putting a towel under the door to drown out the sound. This was a huge mistake, as when I awoke at 9 AM to prep for my day of Nutcracker, there was water pouring down the entire length of my bedroom ceiling. All of the drama aside, Myspace was there to keep me company when nobody else was around. Thus, my role as a savvy social-media whore began.

I have never really been one to hide my emotions. Being an extrovert, writing a blog as a young, experimental 21 year old was probably not what most would consider the best idea. I shared more than 400 different accounts of my everyday happenings, odd encounters, and youthful dramas for the entire world to see. I accrued over 20,000 views during my 4-year period of writing, which is no small feat for a blog about my day-to-day life. Very few people approached me directly about my writings, but there was definitely a handful of people that felt I shouldn't share things so openly. Amusingly, these were often the people that had the most voracious appetite for my writings. Eventually, Myspace was overtaken by spam-bots and most of its' population, including myself, moved on. I switched over to Facebook, where I currently reside most of the time. But I have also engaged in (obviously) Blogger, as well as Twitter, Pinterest, Reddit, and, most recently, Instagram.

As a young adult, I used social-media to engage with my current friends, reconnect with old, and keep up to date with all things new. It wasn't until I moved away from the comfort of PNB that I started seeing another side of social-media. Perhaps, it was that Facebook had set its' intention on eventually turning their interface into a mass-marketing platform, but, for me, this is when it started to become evident. Only when I had to start finding my own work, did I see how useful it could be. When I first started looking for dance jobs, I would refer potential employers to my Facebook profile to see dance photos that I had been tagged in, ask for assistance from friends, and follow potential employers. As time has passed, I've better been able to refine the ways that I use social-media when it comes to promotion and finding work.

I currently have my own website that I got through a company, Lyquid Talent. This has allowed me to use Facebook for more of my personal updates, as opposed to promoting myself all the time. I noticed that friends stopped paying attention to what I was writing the more I posted about work searches and when performing self-promotion. After realizing this, I started using other channels to help with my work life. I currently aim to use Facebook for my personal life and to keep people updated on my current dance happenings. I have a separate Facebook page to keep up to date with my blog. People are more interested in hiring a person if there is something compelling about them. When it comes to work, I generally use Facebook to encourage excitement, curiosity, and a sense of mystery in my work as a freelancer, which can make me more compelling.

The other social-media platforms I use to help myself with work are Twitter and Instagram. Twitter is easier to use as a promotional tool because anybody can follow you that is interested and the 140-character limit in what you can write makes it more acceptable to post more often. I fade in and out of love with Twitter, but when used correctly it can be quite effective. As for Instagram, I probably can't say very much since I only joined about a week ago. But I can already see how effective it can be used as a marketing tool. Two exceptional artists that have gained great exposure by posting on Instagram are Daniil Simkin of American Ballet Theatre and Sara Mearns of New York City Ballet. Only with the introduction of social-media has the audience gotten a sneak peak into the life of dancers. I plan on using Instagram to document my life and travels as an artist.

Improv'ing at the gym (for Instagram)

As human beings, we learn best through experience and making mistakes. There are a few rules that I do abide by when using social-media, most of which I have learned from prior happenings. First and foremost, I try to be as open and honest as possible in my writings and postings. When updating the online world through status updates or tweets, I try to give an accurate look at my view and emotions. But I have learned that I must not share everything that I am feeling. I have had issues with people who use even the slightest hint towards negativity as fuel against me in even the most righteous moments, which was less than pleasant. When it comes to Facebook, don't post too often. But when it comes to Twitter, don't post to infrequently. Twitter is much more reciprocal when it comes to interacting and gaining followers. If somebody retweets one of your tweets, thank them. And at some point, retweet something that they posted which you found compelling. When posting pictures to the internet, don't be afraid to post something that may be intriguing or controversial. At the same time, don't post any pictures that Amanda Bynes might share. Retain your professional image, but don't be afraid to give a taste of your artistic sense. Artists have always been the first people to push the boundaries between acceptable and unacceptable.

Some of my friends tell me that I am way too active on the internet, while others follow every move I make. When you are in business for yourself, it is important that you gain a well-known web presence. While your savvy will give you more exposure and greater opportunity to gain work, it may also turn some people off. There is a fine line between making yourself known and overworking your presence. Some people may see you as a social-media whore, but few people have ever made a name for themselves by sitting quietly in a corner and waiting for people to take notice.