In the spirit of the holidays - 2013 edition

I am in the middle of Nutcracker craziness and am having trouble finding time to do my normal everyday activities between rehearsals, shows, and traveling. With that said, I am currently sitting in a laundromat and still want to share some joy with my viewers. During this time last year, I made a festive list of my favorite moments while freelancing throughout the year. I am going to continue this time-honored tradition by presenting my 13 favorite moments of the year 2013 for all of my readers to enjoy.

Elizel & me rehearsing Seiwert's Monuments(Photo: Marco Gutierrez)

1. As I have said in the past, the most valuable experiences in my career, aside from a few specific moments, have been making connections with people. At the beginning of the year, I had the chance to dance with Elizel Long, former Rambert Dance Company member, for three months in Alaska. While we knew each other from the season prior, we had relatively no interaction due to visa problems that sent her home to South Africa after the first few days of the season. This year was quite different. At first, we were tentatively nice to each other, but within weeks we had become regular dance partners and great friends. It is not often that you bond with somebody as strongly and quickly as we did, but it was a magical three months that we got to spend and dance together. Book ending the year, I got to revisit Jessie Tretter, an old friend and partner from last year. I returned to Rochester City Ballet to dance as the Cavalier in the company's The Nutcracker. Having the comfort of our previous friendship and getting to build on a new comfort we had in our partnering made this experience wonderful. Although it had been a year since we had seen each other and danced together, it felt as if we had spent the entire year developing our partnership. While these were the two strongest connections I made, there were many others that made this season memorable.

2. I have really gotten a chance to delve into my teaching this year. My partner and I have dreams of, one day, starting our own ballet academy. While I have taught master classes and substituted when I am available, this was the first year that I had the opportunity to work with students regularly for a period of time. While dancing with Alaska Dance Theatre, I taught regularly in the school. It was so fulfilling to see the explosion of growth these students had under my direction. After that, I took a job teaching regular open classes in Koresh Dance Company's school. I, even, stepped out of my comfort zone and started teaching contemporary classes.

3. Host familes - This year I had the opportunity to revisit two host families from last year. I spent 7 weeks with my Anchorage family and 3 weeks with my Providence family. There is nothing better than getting to revisit these connections and building on what was left before. Not only that, it is so much easier entering into a familiar home. There is less need for tip-toeing and adjustment. They both treated me great and I look fondly on these repeated experiences.

4. Auditioning for the Broadway workshop of Christopher Wheeldon's American in Paris and Starz's upcoming TV show, Flesh and Bone, have the potential to be life-changing experiences for me. I have always wanted to try out for Broadway productions, but I didn't know where to begin. When a friend called to tell me I should audition for the American in Paris workshop, I jumped at it. This chance opportunity forced me to dive into an unknown world and stretched my breadth as an artist. Although I wasn't selected in the end, I felt honored to receive a call back for something that I had never done before. A few weeks after this audition, that same friend (thank you Allison Walsh) had suggested a casting company contact me to audition for the upcoming television show, Flesh and Bone, on Starz. Again, I didn't get the part, but these two auditions have inspired me to start preparing for what may be a new career transition for me. We'll have to see what 2014 brings us!

5. I spend a lot of my time writing for this blog about my personal experiences and the knowledge that I have gained throughout my time freelancing. Aside from having this blog reach over 30,000 views in it's short 1 1/2 years of life, I have had my blogs posted in other online publications, received commissions to write articles for both Dance/USA and the American Guild of Musical Artists, and been asked to contribute to an article that will be published in the January edition of Dance Magazine.

6. Turning 30 was kind of a big deal for me. It was such a big deal that I wrote a blog about it. As I stated in that post, I set a goal to dance until I was at least 30 years old. Well, I'm very proud to say that I reached that goal and have exceeded it. Cheers to dancing well into my thirties!

7. Whenever I take class in New York City, I take from Nancy Bielski at Steps on Broadway. I've mentioned in previous blogs how she takes great care of me when I'm in her class. While spending two weeks working on a workshop that could potentially go to Broadway, I took Nancy's class each day to stay in shape and warm up for my day. In one of those classes, Nancy exclaimed that I had beautiful feet while giving me a correction. This may not seem like that big of a deal, but for me it was huge. Spending 7 years dancing in Pacific Northwest Ballet, the company of feet and legs, I always felt like I had the worst feet in the company. I've spent the last few years working on the way that I use my feet, and being away from the speed of Balanchine classes (although I do miss them) has given me time to focus on the articulation of the foot a bit more. Hearing this from somebody that I really respect meant a great much to me. I will take that compliment, put it in my pocket, and carry it with me wherever I dance.

8. One thing that most ballet dancers despise is improv-ing. We like to be told what to do. The moment that most of us are told to make things up as we go, we freak out. After a few years experiencing more improv than I did dancing in a big ballet company, I feel like I really got a hang of it this year. Starting with taking the former artistic director of Alaska Dance Theatre's Gaga-esque warmups, which were based in improv, I started receiving compliments for my work. Upon my return home, I auditioned for the renowned, improv-based production of Sleep No More. A majority of the 30 minute audition was improv. Although I didn't get a call back, the director of the audition pulled me aside afterwards and told me that he was really impressed with me and enjoyed watching me. Lastly, in the audition for the workshop that I was a part of in #7 of this post, we had to do a long improv section. My experience and performance helped me land the gig.

Working w/Fidel Orrillo in Rochester (Photo: Josephine Cardin)

9. Getting the opportunity to return to Rochester City Ballet for Nutcracker a few weeks ago was really special for me. I got to revisit my partnership with my Sugar Plum from last year. Old friendships grew stronger and new friendships were forged. I loved getting the chance to again work with the company's fabulous ballet master, Fidel Orrillo. Fellow ballet mistress, Beth Bartholomew, and artistic director, Jamey Leverett were also greatly helpful and kind. Performing with a live orchestra, sharing the stage with great dancers, and feeling like I was a part of a community made this a very special experience for me.

10. During my time dancing with Barak Ballet, we took our warmup classes at the Westside School of Ballet. While the classes were great, it was the wild cast of characters that really made this a memorable experience. First and foremost, Patricia Neary. This lady is a former Balanchine Ballerina, Balanchine repetiteur, and former director of Geneva Ballet, Zurich Ballet, and La Scala. Patricia takes class nearly every morning. She stands at barre with a heater to warm her 71 year old bones. Once center comes, she puts on her pointe shoes and continues to execute combinations with flair and style. Beyond a few drop-ins from ballet companies, former So You Think You Can Dance finalists, and younger students, the cast of characters continues. There was an Asian lady who is getting up there and still wearing her pointe shoes. She performs each combination in every other group, even if there are well over 10 tries across the floor. There was another woman who won't come down off of releve...ever. She told me she has to wear heels because she is short. There are people that arrive late in flip flop high heels. Dancers who perform wild pirouettes at barre in between combinations while using the piano as their barre. Foundation dripping off of a face that was nowhere close to the color of it's applier. More plastic surgery than you could ever imagine (it is Los Angeles). And my lovely host mother. Throw in about 17 of us professional dancers for the creation of a new ballet company and you have a wild zoo of characters. Ill be revisiting this zoo next week when I perform with the Ventura County Ballet Company.

11. A milestone in my year took place over a few days in October. Patricia Neary, Nader Hamed, and a well-known dance critic (and good friend) told me that it is time for me to rejoin the world of company life, all within days of each other. The universe couldn't have screamed any louder. And the validation that I have not only been able to maintain my technique, but continue to improve mostly on my own, means more to me than imaginable.

12. Watching the students of the Draper Center for Dance Education perform in Rochester City Ballet's run of The Nutcracker. I don't know what is in the water at this school, but the students are wildly impressive. Not only do they have beautiful bodies, steely technique, and personality that shines. They are so well trained and rehearsed that they move as one. The synchronization of the students of this school could kick the asses of nearly every company's corps de ballet in the country.

In the studio creating with Amy Seiwert

13. Lucky number 13. Perhaps, my favorite experience while freelancing over the past year was having a work created on us by Amy Seiwert for a program with Alaska Dance Theatre. Before this experience, I had danced one of her works when I first left Pacific Northwest Ballet. Although I had danced her choreography, I never actually got to work with her. Not only was her process interesting and her choreography challengingly stellar, she was so kind to us as dancers. As I have grown into an experienced dancer, nothing is more important than being respected in a studio, whether in a stressful situation or not. Ms. Seiwert only had 2 weeks to meet us, show us her style, create a 20 minute, piece, and clean it. At no point did she ever place the stress of this time crunch upon us dancers. Amy lived up to and exceeded all of my wishes and expectations in working with her.

What was your favorite moment of the 2013 dance season, personal or as an audience member?

The overwhelming feeling that I ALWAYS need to be in shape.

A typical view driving around Los Angeles

Well isn't this the story of my life. When I worked with Pacific Northwest Ballet, we had a 40-week contract. Essentially, we were handed a schedule of our upcoming year which dictated when we would work, rest, and gear up to get back in shape after resting. One area of my freelancing life that I have yet to get a handle on is how and when to take a break. I find that I have an overwhelming sense of anxiety about taking breaks and getting out of shape because I never know when work is going to appear out of thin air. Well, I finally decided to take a vacation with my partner to his hometown of Los Angeles for a week from July 3-10. I told my anxiety to take a break and let my body take one, too. Of course, the second I let my guard down, an old friend of mine sends me a text message a day before I return home from vacation. "Did you see there is an American in Paris audition in NYC 7/15?" My stomach started to sink, my legs began to shake (maybe this is an exaggeration), and my anxiety rose to the surface as reality started to set in. I had one week to get back in tip-top shape.

One of the most challenging aspects of freelancing is deciding when to take a break. I wrote a blog awhile back about the importance of taking breaks. A majority of the discussion was focused on why we take breaks and how to take them properly. One thing I didn't really touch upon was the anxiety that many dancers feel about getting out of shape. From a very young age, young hopeful children begin feeling the pressure of improvement. At a certain point in most dancer's training, they feel like they can't even rest a day in their training or they will start to fall behind everybody else. Even though I have already had a substantial career, I still fear that if I slow down for a moment I will fall behind everyone, as I did when I was a student. Putting that in writing, it doesn't even really make any sense. Who do I have to fall behind at this point? Myself. This thought of falling behind as a student translates into, "if I am not constantly training, working, rehearsing, etc., I am going to lose everything that I have worked for," as a professional.

I recently had a conversation with a friend about having a dance career versus a normal career. In most non-dance careers, you know that as you get older you will always have the knowledge that you've gained, even if your mind isn't as sharp, you sustain an injury, or you level out. Unfortunately, as a professional dancer, you know that at a certain point, while having the knowledge of all of your hard work, you will lose nearly everything you have worked for physically. Another friend of mine who recently retired from the professional ballet life was telling me that after a year of not dancing en pointe, while her body still knows how to do it, it doesn't have the strength to do it anymore. At her young age, she can, of course, work to get that strength back if she wishes. But in just under a year, one can lose 20 years of strength building. This is the best example of why we dancers fear taking a break so much.

My partner (R) and me (L) at the pier in Santa Monica

When I finished my season back in the middle of May, I didn't have a definitive day that I would be returning to any workplace to dance. With this in mind and no contracts signed, I knew that I couldn't just stop dancing for the summer. So, up until July 3, I have been taking regular classes every week and playing around with choreography in the studio on top of teaching. I wasn't in top notch shape, but if I needed to, I felt that I could gear it up and be close within a week or so. I did know that at some point during the summer, I just needed to enjoy the life of a normal human being. When I bought my plane ticket to L.A. I knew that this was that time. I told myself, "if something comes along, you will deal with it the best you can. You are not a robot and you deserve to lay on the beach, eat and drink whatever you want, and sleep in until whatever hour you wish." Unfortunately, and fortunately, life decided to miss my vacation memo and a very big opportunity was thrust in my face.

The view for my jog in Long Beach

As soon as I found out about this audition for a 6-week workshop to create the musical, "An American in Paris," choreographed by Christopher Wheeldon was taking place, I knew that I had no choice but to stop vacationing and desperately try to return to a somewhat functional level of dancing. After gaining acceptance to the audition, on the last day of my vacation, I began getting in shape. I did my ab series, gave myself a barre in the dining room of our friends condo, and jogged/walked 3 miles along Long Beach. I flew the next day and began an intense, but smart, 5-day period of getting back into shape.

While I definitely feel caught off guard in this moment, I am going into this audition hopeful and knowing that not only have I done everything that I can for this moment, but also everything I can for my dance career and being. Yes, one of my biggest fears as a freelancer has come to fruition. But at the same time, if I don't attempt to take breaks, my body and mind will probably not continue to love dance the way it does. So, as my Bolt bus is currently driving through the Lincoln Tunnel, I must bring this post to a close. But what it really comes down to is that dancers must take time off. Freelancers don't have the luxury of a regular stream-lined schedule. They need to always be in shape. And although that is not possible, they need to be prepared to not always be prepared as perfectly as they may wish. Although I am very hopeful and excited about tomorrow's audition, no matter the turn out, I will leave knowing that I did the best that I could. And not just for this one audition, but as a freelance dancer trying to exist in this sometimes spontaneous world.

(UPDATE: Although I wrote this on my way into the city, I am now editing it on my way out of the city. I won't say much, but the audition went very well. I was even asked to sing, my first time ever singing for an audition. :-)